Why are waywards so stupid? I know she isn't supposed to talk to OM while your children are over, but does that include emailing, texting, and chatting?

You might want to think about giving the doctor a call yourself and speaking directly to him about your child.

Also, did you think your child was REALLY sick? Usually I wait a day or two to see if it's just a virus before I call a doctor. Did you notice the child was sick before today? How did your child look to you tonight?

She may keep running your kids to the doctor's over every little thing just to make you appear inept.

~ Marsh

Yes, the order says:

"The parties are strictly prohibited from exposing the children to any paramour. This shall include a restriction prohibiting either party from having any form of communication, be it in person, electronic or telephonic, with a paramour in the presence of the children."

Then later:

"Neither party shall expose the child/children to conditions which imply a relationship such as a boyfriend or girlfriend, paramour/lover or some type of improper relationship while the party is still married to another person."

But here is what is starting to bug me (like Spidey senses)- I think there may be a OM#2 or OM#3. I think that OM#1 (the one from DDay #1, that she took to Atlanta) may be a distraction from the OM#2 to knock me off the trail. I suspect that OM#2 and OM#3 are the people she was chatting with over the internet. That is why I have wanted to get my hands on that laptop.

Anyone one else think the same?

Marsh - when I went by tonight he seemed to be OK. WW had said he was laying down on the couch since he got home but became a little more active just before i got there. He said he had put his head down on his desk after lunch today. There have been no signs of sickness thus far that I saw. WW did say he threw up 1 time over there over the weekend

I will definitely check in with the Dr. myself. I even want to schedule a conference with his teacher to see how he is doing since all this has happened.


FH - Thanks for the links to the threads. I will read them in detail.

Is this normally how you and your WW would handle a child's sickness?

Did he have a fever?

I'm sure you're documenting all of this.

~ Marsh

I would like to think that, in light of the fact that he was sick just a few weeks ago, she is being extra cautious. When I took him to the Dr. then the thought was he might have had a UTI.

He did not feel like he had a fever this time, though.

He could be stressed that mom is living somewhere else.

Both of the kids have asked me when mommy will come and live with us again. They asked her last night - she had no answer.

It is breaking my heart to see them affected like this. of course, she blames me for forcing her to leave the house. Umm, hello?? She made that decision herself. I do not take any responsibility for that, nor do I take responsibility for her taking them out of state for 3 weeks.

At some point soon I hope that she realizes that it's her decisions that are impacting the kids.

You are doing all that you can do. If being sick keeps up, I would speak to the doctor, although I think most kids that age get sick alot. They pass things around like crazy.

Meet her and the kids at the Dr. appt next time. Your a good father and your concerned about your son. Let her note that!

M2L is correct. You have primary custody and you need to be at any doctor's appointments or hospital visits. In fact you should make the arrangements after thanking WW for her diligence in calling you.

I would request in writing the doctor's report/diagnosis, etc., prescriptions for your file.

You would be amazed at how your WW's seeming care and concern for your child will be drawn as being the competent and most suitable parent in court. You take charge as the primary custodian and deal with things like this in the future.

If the children are on visitation with her then meet her at the doctor's office.

What's done is done and it's not the end of the world. I agree with the others above don't do it again. However, allowing wife to handle the Dr. visit thing this one time will be allow you to defend yourself against "taking control" accusations when you deny her the right next time. I do worry that your wife has been counseled on how to win back custody at the final custody hearing later this year (if it ever comes to that).

She's taking control, scheduling appointments prior to involving you and taking the kids to such appointmeents on your custody days. Good stuff for her case. Next time, it goes like this:

Eph: "Oh, he's sick, well I'll take him to the doctor"

WW: "No problem, I already made the appointment and I'll take him"

Eph: "That's OK, 11:30 doesn't work for me, I'll call the doctor and reschedule a more convenient time for me...thanks for keeping me informed, I'll let you know how it goes"

Eph: I'll call you back with the time...maybe you'd like to come too then we can all go to dinner as a family (if DS feels OK)???

WW: "Well I'm just going to take him anyway at the appointment time I scheduled"

Eph: "Is it an emergency, honey? If so, I'll take them to the emergency room right now"

WW: "No, it's not"

Eph: "Well then, Mondays are my obligation to look after my children and I intend to follow through with all my obligations. Thus, I'll be taking them to the Doctors at 4 pm, do you want to come along???

I think you get the point. Your days, your kids. If she wants to give you time or seek your help on her days, that's fine. But, you are giving up anything.

She's stategizing. I can see it. I'm betting she gets sick of it pretty soon as the addiction priority resumes it's rightful place on her brain. But for now...she's dancing a little bit. Of course, if she ever reads this, in her mind it will always tee her off....she'll say and think..."Mr. W, sometimes the kids are just sick, their health is not a game to me" and just maybe that's true THIS time. I'm just being wary....because your actions are exactly what I would advise you to do if you were my client.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W is correct. Her lawyer is behind all of this. He probably has given her a script.

Enforce these boundaries!

OK, just talked to WW. She told me they took blood work and a urine sample, testing for mono and a UTI. He is taking a nap now. I am going to call the Dr. and get the info directly from him myself.

She then had the nerve to say that everything that is going on may just be too hard for the kids and i should think about that - as if this is all my fault. I know how I feel about her leaving, and I am sure the kids feel like mommy has left them as well. She has them so confused it's not funny, and she blames me.

Arghhh!! This is so frustrating and manipultative.

Breathe, focus....

A response to her fog babble?

"I agree, honey. I know this is so hard on them. And I feel as they do...and still hope that you will come home to the family. There is nothing the kids want more. There is nothing I want more."

Always express you and the kids as the family, and her as outside of the family. Remember, words mean things!! She left the home, she is filing for divorce. Thus, she left the family. Those that remain are the family. The house, the items in the house, the kids, etc remain as and with the family. If she wants out...she leaves it all behind and becomes an outsider.

It is her decision. And her decisions so far are hurting everyone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Mort just said the same thing I was saying yesterday.

"I made us three the part of the family she would be living without if she D me."


You and the kids are the family. Play that part up as much as you can. She is a mother, she will have to see the family angel.

I have that response ready when I go over this afternoon. I am getting better at coming up with my own reverse babble. I see what she is doing - using the fact that she has them during the day to circumvent my being providing care as the primary parent. In reality, her role during the day is nothing more than a "babysitter" for me while I work.

She will probably insist they stay with her again tonight, but I am not agreeing to that. If I have to stay home from work tomorrow, so be it (it may snow here anyway).

These games make me sick.

Me also, Eph. But they must be played! She almost assuredly is running off a playbook her lawyer gave her. For now...dont play! Set the boundaries and leave them there.

Most WSs cant continue this stuff long. They do it for awhile, and then just get lazy. She will too. she has other "important" things on her mind except you, the family, the kids.

Is her home that she's renting in the same school district???

Your son will likely be starting Kindergarten in the Fall and if any potential divorce proceedings are commenced by then or delayed past then it would be advantageous to your position if WW lived in a separate school district.

If you had to move...picking a home in a separate district may also be a consideration during this temporary period wherein you have primary custody.

Mr. Wondering

If she's concerned w/ one child's health and doesn't want him/her bounced around, tell her she may care for your children in YOUR home tomorrow.

~ Marsh