Leaving notes is not against the law. She can ask you not to touch her at all. Okay. But she cannot restrict you from writing a note and leaving it or mailing it, as long as it isnt threatening and the like.

This is all fog. She is grasping for straws. She cant understand why you wont play her game and give her everything.

Stay the course, Eph. My attorney got similar, silly letters, threatening this and that. 95% of it was all bunk. My attorney didnt even waste his time responding!

Stay on target. All of this mess means what you are doing is getting to her!!

Oh...in a perfect world...I would have loved to have sent Mr. W's letter to my wife's attorney!!

MM, I would love to talk with you if you have some time. I know you are busy in your own recovery and family stuff.

I will send you an e-mail.

Go ahead and send me an email. I will be free for most of the day tomorrow!

e-mail sent to the address I have. Let me know if you do not get it.

You have mail.

I would caution you though that even if the Wayward is foggish that they bringing the law into play is a concern. I thought the same until I spent the night in jail for domestic trespassing because I was retrieving our dog that WW said I could come get, I went to trial and the judge through out the case, but the law doesn't see a wayward or controlling person they see a person that is expressing concern about safety.

I would also look at this from a different point of view if your in plan A and she considers this a LB then you need to respect her wish's. Now it doesn't mean that you cut off contact it means that you speak to her calmly and deliberately with love and kindness.

I would refrain from notes and emails.....

My lawyer said my attempts to convience my wife of my love could and was used against me in court, it was argued that I wasn't a good father just that I was acting like one to control and manipulate my wife to come back to me.

So be careful, a wayward will tell her laywer things and her lawyer will act upon them for the best interest of their client.

Quick update - will post more later tonight.

DS5 becomes DS6 today. Yay!! He is such a handsome little boy.

We will have his party this weekend, so I asked him if he wanted to go someplace special to eat tonight. HE told me where he wanted to go and that we should invite mommy to go also. So when I dropped of DD3 this morning, I asked and she said yes. She will also be at the party, in our home, this weekend.

Today my DD4 became DD5! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wonderful news about your WW choosing to accept your invitation!

~ Marsh

Fill the home with music, laughter and friends. I hope you've done a lot of changes to the place to make it yours. It demonstrates that you are willing and able to move on if you have to and that you've been busy versus sulking in bed in the fetal position since she left. No relationship talk...hopefully, she'll just miss being a part of the entire family and see you being happy, strong and attractive.

Watch for her snooping and trying to document something. Focus a lot of attention on the kids, but when you do speak with her...focus sharply on listening to her without distraction. When the conversation is over, don't try to force it's continuation. Move on and away.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - accidentally touch her arm and then jump back and apologize...laughing.

p.p.s.- Don't be shocked if she lets you down and doesn't show up. Waywards are wishy-washy, flip-floppers like George Bush.

OK, finally getting around to the updates.

We had a great time out last night. Went to a place here called Gattitown, sorta like Chuck E Cheese. Just like the last time we went out to eat as a family, the kids and I carried on conversations in the car with little input from WW.

Go to the place, ate, and went to the game room to play. Mostly played the kiddie games, but WW loves air hockey and challenged me to a game. It was like old times, trash talking, making funny faces at each other, just having fun. We took a lot of pics with the kids, and I took several of her playfully posing by herself. (OK, I still think she is so hot and she rocks my world). These are the glimpses of my W I have not seen in quite some time.

On the way home, DS6 is pitching a fit about something and throws a little stuffed animal to the front of the car. WW makes a comment about throwing things just like his daddy. I waited a few seconds and then chuckled and said "Yeah I used to be like that." When we got to WW's house, she thanked me for inviting her before getting out. Just hearing the words "Thank you for..." touches my heart.

Today we had to take DS6 to the hospital for more tests on his kidneys. I was under the impression that it would be like last week - just a renal ultrasound. But no, this time they did some really extensive tests. On the first one only one of us could go with him, and DS6 wanted me to go instead of mommy. Then afterwards there was prep work for another test that we had to wait two hours for. By this time I could tell WW was really getting frustrated with the whole thing, the unknowns, etc. Well, when we finally went back to the cars (we drove separately, she wanted to follow me), I walked around to the drivers side of her car as she was getting in and motioned for her to come to me. I wrapped my arms around her (not caring of her previous complaint) and said "Hey, I can tell you were frustrated with all this. It's scary to see you child having this done. You want to take his place. I understand that. You looked like you could use a hug, some encouragement, some strength. I am here." She did not hug me back, but she did not push me away either.

We had a quick V-day exchange this afternoon. The kids gave her cards from each of them, and two Yankee Candles that I picked up over the weekend. From me, I gave her a simple card and a letter I have been working on for about three weeks - my response to her on how everything I have done and will do is consistent with 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It was about 12 pages and I worked on it in IC the last two weekly sessions (She knows all our history, and recommended I first write it for myself and then decided whether to give it to her). Key thing here is I gave it to her, did not leave it somewhere. She took it, so it's not against her complaint. her mom was also at her house this afternoon and I made sure the kids had a card for her as well. I believe that she is spending the night there tonight. Maybe WW did not want to be alone on V-day...

What makes me sad is that WW did not get anything for the kids to give me - nothing, nada, ziltch. But it's not about me anyway, and besides they both gave me the crafts they have made in class at church so it is something truly from their own little hearts. That more than makes up for it, and it makes me smile to think about it.

So now that the day is over, I think the realization is finally setting in just now that I have spent my first V-day apart from her in 13 years. Maybe it's a good thing we had all this stuff going on with DS6 today because it kept my mind off everything that today represents. But now I remember the sweet memories.....

All in all, I am happy with how the last two days have gone. It's so hard to do my plan A while we are apart and our interaction are limited to times where we exchange kids. I just try to take full advantage of the opportunities when they arise. That is all I can do and I pray that God will make it be enough.

Oh, in response to Mr. W - I have no doubts that she will be there at the party. The kids are her world - have been for some time, she always says this. Somewhere along the way I got left out of her world and they became more important than our marriage. The irony here is that her world is being incredibly impacted by all this mess. Oh, wait - that would make too much sense <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi, E!

It sounds like you had a good time and it was so sweet...

Like a first or second date and you two are both nervous...

Wishing you great blessing in your future...of course, you know you already are... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Have a good night...I was told recently my a sister(nun) who was influencial in my young life that "If I walked with my hand in his that everything would be fine!"

Just wanted to share that...I think that once in awhile we get reminder that everything will be okay...

What do you think?

Oh, forgot about this. I talked to the singles pastor at church one day last week, explained the situation to him, told him WW was going to a singles SS class, and told him that I felt like the church should play a role in all this, hopefully to encourage her to reconcile. He said he would help however he could.

Well, yesterday as I was leaving in the morning he called her and according to the call log they talked about 30 mins. No idea what was said yet as she has not spoken of it and I have not been back in touch with him yet.

Anyway, everything in God's hands....

Sounds like you are doing well. Yep, the first Valentine's Day alone is not fun, but it DOES get better.

Hope everything is fine for your son.

forgot one more thing. I guess WW is noticing the new cologne deal, so when we went out Tuesday night as a family she wore perfume - first time in quite a while. I made several comments about someone smelling good, then finally asked her what she was wearing, that I could not think of the name. It was Rapture by Victoria's Secret.

Could mean something, maybe not. I guess I try to over-analyze everything and it turns my brain to mush.

My alltime favorite of hers is Jovan white musk - it's the first scent she wore and I will never forget it. If I get a whiff of that on her then I am liable to lose it.

Rinder,

Thanks for your words of encouragement. You know, I get reminders from everyone here on MB everyday that everything will be OK. Thanks for your own personal reminder of that!

Yes, it was like a first or second date. Funny, though because I don't remember being this nervous on any of our dates, except maybe the one where I asked her if I could kiss her for the first time.

Ah, youth...what a wonderful thing to have in our corner when we first start out! LMAO

H and I got together in 93 also...and M'ed yesterday 98...

Funny, I don't remember being nervous either...but I do get that way these days...LOL

I just have to remind myself that things will go at there own pace regardless of what "I" want...tough huh?

~lifting her Diet Dr. Pepper~ "Here's to being blessed everyday!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What makes it even more tough is that what I want and what God wants are the same thing - to be married until death do us part.

It's the whole free will that He gave us that allows a W to become a WW that hurts.

I read Psalm 55 last night. Verses 12-14 and 20-21 really hit the mark.

From the Message:

12-14:
This isn't the neighborhood bully
mocking me—I could take that.
This isn't a foreign devil spitting
invective—I could tune that out.
It's you! We grew up together!
You! My best friend!
Those long hours of leisure as we walked
arm in arm, God a third party to our conversation.

20-21:
And this, my best friend, betrayed his best friends;
his life betrayed his word.
All my life I've been charmed by his speech,
never dreaming he'd turn on me.
His words, which were music to my ears,
turned to daggers in my heart.

WW was in full effect today.

Complained about me not bringing over the other vaccuum she wanted. She said I forgot for too many days. I told her yesterday was quite a full day with DS6 at the hospital and she just mentioned it on Tuesday. I just walked away.

She still has a key to the house, one her mom had, so she came over to get it herself while I was at work. Time to get that key back.

All this after I gave her one more V-day item I forgot to taker over yesterday - a small artificial flower arrangement (roses) and a simple card in which I wrote "These roses won't fade, just like my love for you."

I need to reapply the teflon.....

Dang this fog. My day is off to a sucky start already.

Dropped off DD3 this morning at WW's house. Convo went like this:

Me: DD3, give daddy a hug before I leave.
DD3: I have to take my shoes off first.
Me: Oh, just make yourself at home.
WW: She is home

I just let that one go and smiled.

On the way to work she calls me.

WW: Why didn't you take out the money from the CS payment that I already used.
Me: Well I wanted to talk about that with you first.
WW: What's the ballpark amount?

I give her the details, mentioning her portion of the cell phone bill.

WW: We never talked about the cell phone.
Me: Yes we did, I told you to keep your calls down during the day since nights and weekends are free, unless you call people with <service provider>.
WW: Who else is not with <service provider>?
Me: Your brother, I am sure that is where all your minutes go. I will give you the detail call log. We can talk about it this afternoon.

Now I am thinking I should just have her cell phone turned off. I only kept it because I can track who she calls but I don't think it is worth it any more.

Then she call me again, but I let it go to v-mail. I am tired of talking to her and getting the knife twisted in my heart. Her v-mail says something about looking into getting her own cell plan.

What I want to say to her is "Well you still have OM's cell phone, why don't you just use it to call everybody else in addition to him."

Seems like since after V-day things started going downhill fast. Maybe she enjoyed herself too much Tuesday and my letter I gave her for V-Day struck a nerve.

Who knows anymore. At this point I have to pray for every interaction I have with her that I do not just lose it and go off on her (which is my old tendency).