Hey MM, thanks for you comments. Hoep things are well with you and yours. You are right, God will provide where I can't.

Now about that rollercoaster....

So the kids stayed with WW again last night and I went to pick them up this afternoon. When I get there, their belongings were sitting on the porch. As I walk up, WW comes out with a letter in her hand which she hands me. I glance at it - "It has come to my attention...., I do this and that..., it's hard when we are not on the "same page" with the kids..., I need some spare clothes for each child..."

Then the last paragraph - "Last but not least, I am asking you to stay outside and come no further than my front porch when dropping off and picking up the kids. I am sorry if you do not understand this request or you feel it is unfair. I am only protecting myself and my environment by not allowing mountains to be made out of mole hills. Thanks you in advance for your help with the above mentioned issues. it is my hope that we will be able to work together when it comes to what is in both DS6's and DD3's best interests."

And she wants me to sign that I read it and received it.

I'd love to scan it in and post it so you can read the whole thing - quite comical I think, and desperate.

Spare clothes? Hey, you get a monthly CS payment go buy them some clothes to keep in your house! Oh, that's right you are using the CS money to fund your single lifestyle with rent, a satellite dish, cable internet access, and whatever else.

The the conversation then goes like this.

WW: Have you noticed DS6's behavior is getting worse?
Me: It's been about the same for some time.
WW: He swings his arms like he is going to hit you, back talks, gets timeout and then can't tell you why he is there. It's like his behavior was before he was put on medication.
Me: I am sure all this is impacting him. I'll read over this letter and get back to you. I will be needing the key you have to our house back.
WW: <Shocked> Then I need the key to the van.
Me: I pay for the van and am responsible for the mainteance and insurance. I will keep the key I have.
WW: Then I am keeping the key I have.
Me: You don't live there any more so you have no need for a key.
WW: I will have my lawyer call your lawyer to tell you to give me the van key.
Me: I won't give it to you. I want the house key. Now.
WW: This doesn't sound like reconciliation to me.
Me: I want the key. It's about consequences of your decisions.

WW then walk into the house. At this point I am getting emotional. No one is coming out so I open the door and say we need to get going to church. WW says get out of my house. Then as the kids are coming out she throws the house key up in the air at me - and the kids see this. Her mom happens to be there as well and is now watching this unfold. As I turn to go down the steps I say to them "Have a good evening." WW says "Is that some kind of joke?" I turn and see what appears to be a look of shock on her mom's face.

Then I lose it while I am getting the kids in the car, my voice cracking and trying to hold back the tears as I get them buckled.

I feel like this is a response to my planned trip this weekend. Sad. And again, trying to shift blame to me for why DS6's behavior is bad.

Well, I'll also be turning off her cell phone so she will have to get her own now. Not only can I not afford it, I am not going to support her in that way even though I still have access to the phone records.

Absolutely a horrible day. Major withdrawals from my bank today. Plan B is looking awfully tempting right about now, but I know it is too soon yet.

Hanging on for now....

Good job getting the keys back, even if she did throw them. Nice of her to notice that her actions are upsetting your son. Of course she will never admit that. I would still let her know that kids act out when their family is falling apart.

HI, E! Good Job Buddy, I hear how much that hurt you...I feel your pain tonight...

You ARE doing wonderful with your personal recovery...I am so proud of you!!

All the stress that you are under with ww, and ds...I hope that you amaze yourself...b/c you amaze me...

You know you may not me your WW's lighthouse but YOU ARE to so many others here!!!! YOU INSPIRE ME! What courage and strenght YOU have...

I am blessed to know you, keep up the good work...

Eph,

Whether or not you know this...this is a step in the right direction.

First off, you handled yourself well! Second, you still are doing good Plan A things...while beginning to enforce tighter boundaries on your WW. EXCELLENT!!

You are right...you are getting closer to Plan B. But not yet. You have a little more work to do first.

I say this was a good thing because it tells me a few things. First off, ask yourself WHY she doesnt want you in the house anymore. Because she doesnt want you to see something in there that can be used against her? Possibly. Or is your presence, your Plan A, causing her pain and making her unsure of what she is doing?

I believe it is the second. I believe that she has mad a horrendous mistake, and your Plan A is showing that to her. But she cant take that in yet. She cant admit yet that she has been completely and utterly wrong. I liken it to a big "wrong sandwich." She cants eat it all in one bite. She would choke on it. She she has to get a bite here, a bite there.

By having you out of there, it is an attempt to re-establish the status quo. Things dont feel right. Fantasyland isnt what she thought.

So, come off of this mess with her this last time with more Plan A. Invite her to dinner with the kids, etc. Comment on her looks (positively, of course!). Continue meeting needs.

But, also continue to enforce your boundaries. I would wait a week or so before cutting off cell phones. You do not want to make it look like you are responding to her actions. When you cut it off, you should have had a week of being nice and Plan Aing. It will bug her like crazy...because you are being so nice...but you also cut-off her cell phone. She wont understand.

When in the fog, it is always good to continue to destabilize the WS and the affair.

You are doing great!

Thanks S4B! I read your post and you lifted my spirits this morning.

When I dropped off DD3 at WW's place this morning, I stopped at the top step of the porch and gave her a hug. DDD3 asked why I was standing there and I said "Mommy doesn't want me to come into her house anymore." As WW opens the door, DD3 repeats what I said.

WW: Why did you tell her that?
Me: Because she asked me.
WW: Why didn't you tell her something different? Like Daddy just wanted to stay right here.
Me: I told her the truth.
WW: Is that appropriate for a 3 year old?
Me: I think the truth is always appropriate.

Then I walked away.

Oh what a tangled web she weaves...

Brilliant! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Of course, your wife will tell your kids something different. Make sure that you continue to tell them the truth. The way to do that is when you get them back, tell your kids "I just wanted to explain what I told you yesterday a little better. Your Mom has asked me not to come into her house. I am not sure why she wants that, but Daddy will respect your Mom's wishes."

Never shield a WS from the consequences of their decisions!

Well, WW just called and said her mom talked to g-g-grandmother and she is under too much stress about the trip I planned since things are not friendly between WW and I. The lack of friendliness is from her side alone, I have continues to maintain friendliness throughout.

Of course I suspect this to be a ruse - I think MIL is not telling the truth. And if g-g-grandmother did not want this to happen, why has she not called me?

I am going home for lunch to see if I can clarify this. The kids were looking forward to this.

More manipulation from WW if you ask me.

More later as this develops.

ETA: WW asked if I wanted her to call g-g-grandmother. I said no.

I think that is a great idea...I think that you should call and make sure that there is not a problem with you and the kids coming up...

I always think that it's better to go straight to the source...

And you are more than welcome...it's what I see and I appreciate you! YOU are handling yourself SOO well!

Hi Eph!

That was an amazing dialogue you had w/ your WW the other day. "Why didn't you tell her something different? Like Daddy just wanted to stay right here?"

Good grief! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You handled yourself perfectly.

It looks like calls were placed to g g Grandmom to discourage her from having you visit. I suspect she will not call you to ask you not to come, but she may tell you not to come if you call her.

I wouldn't call her. I'd just assume the visit was still a go.

Do you have a date set for when you will go to Plan B?

~ Marsh

I talked to WW's uncle last night for about an hour. We are two computer geeks so we get along great. I told him of the upcoming trip and also gave some exposure to the situation. They (he and his wife, WW's aunt) live two houses down from g-g-grandmother and would be joining us for lunch Sunday.

I was gonna call him and see what the deal is, but I agree that MIL is probably getting involved in this, probably at the request of WW. The two times I talked to her she seemed so looking forward to seeing the kids. I have conveyed that no matter what happens I want to make sure the kids are able to see their relatives.

Marsh - my tentative plan B date is our anniversary date - 6/6. I thought the significance of that date would add to the shock value. What do you think? I think I can make it until then, only 3 months to go.

This web is getting more and more tangled.

I called g-g-grandmother when I got home. The story told to me from WW was not true. The trip is still on.

I did learn that WW and MIL are going up there next weekend. Now they are reacting to me.

Should be fun.

Off to join the soirée again.

Good Job, I wish I could be as strong as you.... I have a question for you.... your in divorce care at church, right?

My WW is going to Divorce care at a new church where her new boss teach's it... I think she is doing it to seek sympathy from her new boss and to create the illusion of being the victim.

I just wonder what you think would be the impact on a WS if going to divorce care

Hi VR,

Sometimes I wish I was stronger. Actually, I wish this crap wasn't even happening.

Yes, I go to DivorceCare at my church. The message is made abundantly clear in DC - it is God's will that you seek reconciliation. I would think a WS would not like this message. If they feel anything at all it SHOULD be guilt.

They also have DC4K - DivorceCare for Kids where your children can also work through this.

You can see some info here:
http://www.divorcecare.org/

Just wanted to report in after "The Trip."

Let's just say g-g-grandmother is one smart cookie, even if she is 89 years young <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

More details later.

LOL

Can't wait to hear all about it!

~ Marsh

I've always found that people that are around that long really are "smart cookies". It just takes "US" awhile to figure that out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OK so here is roughly what happened.

Get to g-g-gma's house for lunch. WW's great aunt and uncle are there also - this was planned, they live 2 houses down, it was good. Remember me and her uncle are computer nerds so we had some time for geek speak.

Lots of hugs since we have not seen them in about 8 months I think. We ate lunch and then DS6 and DD3 went to the back yard to play and we sat at the kitchen table watching and laughing at them.

The kids picked flowers for g-g-gma and we put them in a vase. Took some pics with everyone and got some really good ones.

Then the aunt takes the kids into the room with the tv sinc3 they are starting to get tired, and g-g-gma start with the questions.

Is there another woman? - Nope
Is there another man? - Yep
You know where her lives? Yep
Have you seen him? Yep

I asked her if she remember the little incident from our rehearsal dinner, She said yes, I said it's the same OM. (Yep, OM left W a "gift" of flowers and a card professing his love).

She then said something along these lines - Eph525, I ain't stupid. I may be 89 years old but I am not stupid. I knew something had to be going on for this to have come on so suddenly. I believe everything you are saying.

More questions, more honest answers from me. Told her about WW's trip to the dr and OM went with her. She asked how I knew, I told her I hired a PI and got video footage.

She said MIL called her again on Saturday and asked if were still coming, and MIL about blew a gasket when she heard we were still coming.

Oh, and WW and MIL are going up there this weekend. G-G-Gma says that WW may not want to talk to her again after that visit. She will ask the same questions. I told her she would probably get different answers.

Then she said something very powerful - Eph525, don't play around with those kids. If you are, you are better off leaving them with WW. But if you are serious, you stick to your guns and do right by those kids.

Like I said, she is one smart cookie. She is so funny and tells the funniest stories. She is really a great lady!

All in all, we had a blast.

Rock On my friend

Thanks VR. It's hard - you know this yourself. I still feel like I get rocked myself more than I do the rocking - but I feel like when I rock I REALLY take it to the max.

What's the latest with your sitch? Bump your thread and give us an update.

She is one smart cookie! That is a good lady.