believer - my point exactly and this is why I struggled over this one issue. She could have found a cheaper place. She doesn't need cable internet access. She doesn't need satellite tv. Her single lifestyle prevents her from buying the things the kids need like clothes. She buys them toys, she can buy them clothes.

Agreed!

Just got back from going out with a few guys from work tonight. Was walking back to my car and walked by a large waterfall we have in the downtown area. As I stopped to admire the view a few minutes, I though about how much my life it like that waterfall right now.

Water begins to accelerate as it approaches the edge, then falls and crashes onto the rocks below, splashing, swirling, until it reforms into the calm, peaceful stream again.

Oh, how I yearn for the peaceful stream that awaits me.

Just felt like sharing that.

Hey Eph,

Ever read Hinds Feet in High Places?

Here's The Water song from it...It speaks to a servant's heart.

Come, oh come! let us away-
Lower, lower every day,
Oh, what joy it is to race
Down to find the lowest place.
This the dearest law we know-
'It is happy to go low.'
Sweetest urge and sweetest will,
'Let us go down lower still.'
Hear the summons night and day
Calling us to come away.
From the heights we leap and flow
To the valleys down below.
Always answering to the call,
To the lowest place of all.
Sweetest urge and sweetest pain,
To go low and rise again."

~ Marsh

Hey Marsh,

I have not read that book, so I Googled it to see what it's about. It looks very interesting and I will check it out.

Thanks for sharing that.

tHAT IS THE BEST BOOK i'VE EVER READ! i HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT FOR YOU, e!

Sorry about the caps! I'm really busy this morning!

Lawyer just called. WW is wanting to know about our 2006 tax return and also demanding the key to the van back since I took the key to the house back.

I had already planned to file jointly, but wasn't sure how to handle the refund since her contribution to the income was so small. He recommended to take this into to mediation, along with all the expenses I am trying to get her to pay back to me. He also said to just give her the key back to the van. The cell phone will be cut off ASAP.


This tit-for-tat stuff is driving me crazy!!

Dont let it! You should be expecting it out of her! Ignore her tantrums and tirades. Most WSs act like they are 17.

Just keep doing what YOU are supposed to do. You know, God will take care of the rest!

My son's lawyer told him to file jointly and tell her he would split the money and then to use it to pay a debt incurred during the marriage. He said no mediator or court would have a problem with it. That way she cannot get half and blow it, leaving debts still to be paid by you. He, like you is paying CS plus half her bills and half the marriage debts and she has the house and everything in it and is in fog + PA Number?. He has to live in one room to manage this.

So the advice about the tax rebate was welcome. he just paid it all off one of the higher interest credit cards she has run up. He knows he will be stuck paying most of them anyway.

Linda

It's Thursday, so I called WW to invite her to dinner as a I wrote in my letter I delivered. She did not answer, so I left a v-mail.

When I got to her house to pick up the kids, I asked her if she got the message and she said no. So I asked her if she wanted to come over for dinner. Her response was "How can we talk with the kids there?" I told her I could find a way to keep them occupied - she just told the kids bye and went in the house.

I'll try again tomorrow, then just wait for next Thursday again. Her loss.

HI, E! I hope that you are doing well today!

please don't play her games...it sounds to me that she is trying to avoid the topic...making excuses...

Look to her actions and not her words...they always speak louder...

Supporting you all the way!

Perhaps next week you should "invite her" as outlined in the letter over for dinner in a documented manner. Perhaps saying "As I wrote you a couple weeks ago, I think it would be really beneficial to the children if we all had a family dinner together on Thursday evening. After dinner I could distract the children with an activity and we could discuss any and all issues regarding the children face to face for several minutes. I still think it's important that we present ourselves as a fully engaged and communicating parental team looking out for their best interests especially during this most difficult time in their lives.

An email, text message or letter would be best for documentation purposes.

Mr. W

S4B - Thanks for your kind words. The weather here is just perfect and I am looking forward to some fun with the kids this weekend. They are helping me with planting flowers as we try to improve the curb appeal of our house for selling it. They are such good helpers.

I agree that she is trying to avoid the topic. I don't think she expected the the response I gave her. The light of truth is too bright.

Mr. W - I was going to document this in my journal. She won't give mer her new e-mail address (hmm, I wonder why?) so it will have to be face to face or some kind of written invitation. I could be creative at first, have the kids decorate a blank card with an invitation and mail it to her.

Even thought of just asking if she might want to come over, eat, and maybe watch a movie.

The think I have to keep in mind is not only is she rejecting me but the kids as well.

<Sigh>

I hurt for the kids nearly as much as I hurt for myself.

I hear you E...on the rejecting the kids too! God, my heart sank when WH yelled "I'm not raising any F***ing pansies!" when F wanted to stop going to Taeknowdo and start taking up Art.

I thought the whole point of raising and having kids was to foster theiir interests and allow them to become the best that they could be...

With that said, it kind of hurt me this week when STBXH didn't call for the kids...yet, he sounded SO HAPPY to talk to them last night...I don't understand it, really I don't...

He never spent a whole lot of time with them to begin with...

I don't know, i guess we will see...I know that it was hard for me to leave also b/c I kept thinking that God doesn't like D, but then I had to look at the other side...I'm God's child and he would not want me treated this way, nor my kids!

You enjoy yourself this weekend! I KNOW that you will!

Friday afternoon I asked WW abut coming over again for dinner. Again, she questioned how we could do that with the kids here at home. Then she made some comment about the co-parenting thing with the counselor. Afterwards I thought to myself "Seems to me I AM trying to co-parent with her and she is not engaging in it."

Anyway the kids and I have enjoyed the weekend so far. We went on a nature walk this morning then went to run errands, did yard work, then had a get together at our house with some of my work colleagues and their families. We had a blast and my kids enjoyed playing with the other kids that came. I am exhausted now - I wish I had a hot tub like some of you are so lucky to have <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I called WW tonight so the kids could tell her good night (She does not call me when they are with her on overnights). DS6 talked a few minutes but DD3 did not want to talk to her at all. I think I mentioned a long time back that it seems the kids do not want to talk to her on the phone when they are here at home, but when they are with her they always seem to want to talk to me.

With God's grace I am surviving right now, but I can tell that I am beginning to become more apathetic towards her and our M. I am still trying to continue with plan A and make it to June for plan B.

Eph...I would document everything. It seems that this whole situation is not wearing well with WW. By the way, did you ever get any feedback from WW's visit with gggrandamother?

Yeah, I am documenting everything, mainly our interactions, and trying to keep the feelings out of it so it's just factual. I have some catch up to do, that I plan to do this afternoon.

WW did not go to her gggrandmother's last weekend like she was planning since DS6 was a little sick. She may try next weekend. Whenever she goes, I am sure the kids will tell me about it. She never said anything to me about my trip either.

E, are you still expecting your WW to do the right thing?

Is your WW still hurting you or are you hurting yourself?

I'm glad that you are writing everything down...good to know...when did you start?

Do you have any old letters or journals that YOU have wrote?

I am angry FOR YOU...you have dealt with this your entire M...I think that you should be appreciated more and she does not know a good thing...

OK, I'm sorry...let go and let God...(that was for me) you deserve better! I would love to have a H that cared for his kids like you do...all the Dr. appt...the stress...

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this!

Always in my prayers! Keep your head up!

The only thing I expect WW to do is look out for herself and try to do everything she can to make herself look good and me look bad. Only if she crashes do I expect this to change.

Regarding the hurt - I think I still put myself in a position to be hurt by her, just interacting with her sometimes hurts. This will probably continue until plan B. Hurting myself? Hmm, I feel like I am doing anything but that.

My journal starts on the 1/8/2007 - the day of our court date. As for old letters or journals - I have never been a person who keeps a journal, I usually kept all my feeling bottled up inside me which is something WW complained about in our M. This is something I am working on in IC. As for letters, I have nearly all the old letters and notes we wrote to each other since we started dating up until we got married.

Looking back I can say that we went through periods where we both did not fully appreciate each other and took each other for granted, but never once did I look for anything outside our marriage to fulfill me.

Thanks for your kind words. As I look at myself I see that I am a good husband and father but I can be better and I want to be better. Either WW will have me or someone else will one day.

Oh, I did get to see my brother tonight. I have not seen him since October last year. The kids and I went to dinner with he and his GF and her DD3 - it was the first time we had met them. We came back to the house and the kids played for quite a while. Both of my kids love their uncle T!

Good for you E! You sounds very centered and grounded.

WS and the destruction that they cause just make me so mad...to see my friends get hurt time and time again...

I agree with you in my own sitch that there were times when we didn't fult appreciate each other...there was some love in there somewhere...it just seems that since I got pregnant for L it were downhill...

How can you tell your wife that you didn't really want another child? It DOES take two, not once did he mention this while practicing! No, he waited to tell me after L was born and then it hit me why he was so distant while I was pregnant...

When I was pregnant with F he would read stories to be swollen tummy and was so gentle in my eyes sometimes! The closeness has been fone for years and I'm hurt but there is very little pain in the fact that I'm ending my M...

I have faced alot of disappointment over teh years and his A was just the icing on the cake...it was the wake up call...

I AM ready to move on...I was reading tonight and have now comes to terms with the fact that I am an over resposible person, something I will have to keep a leash on in the future...THIS is my part in the M...a weird sort of codependency, I guess...

So, that's my part and he ran with it I guess!

Well, thank you for letting me share with you on YOUR thread...LOL...

I just really appreciate you and your efforts to be a good dad...your struggle for growth...you are to be cherish and I'm sure that you will find that happiness in the days to come in whatever form that make take... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />