Good Morning E!


This is the only sentence that I'm having some trouble with...perhaps it might read better if you said something more direct...like I have told them the truth, that you do not want me in the house.

You know, plain and simple...

oh,


Why are you sorry for HER actions?

I just caught that! I think by you saying that you are sorry you are excusing her actions....

Hope this helps!

Eph,

Easy answer; run all written communications past your attorney prior to doing anything. This will save you a lot of grief if this ends up in court.

hopeandpray - very good point. I had considered it but you reinforced it for me.

Strivin - thanks for the proofread. Here is the revision:


Anyone else?

Oh, I got a call about a showing on our house today - first one in over a month. I hope that God will work this situation out as well.

bumping for more input on my response to WW.

Ah, so WW has yet another page on friendster.

Here is what she says about herself:


Doesn't believe in being fake, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And the music she lists as her favorites are all people she just started listening to. Nickelback, Rascal Flatts, Jojo, Cassie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So what do you think?

Eph,

I've followed your thread. No doubt it is tough.

The letter. My comments are to make it "short and sweet".

On the issues, simplify it. Just respond to the issue. Your response. 1 maybe 2 sentences for each response. Simple to the point. Make sure you don't have any of the "make mountain out of molehill" type comments in yours. Its kind of a "tit for tat" type of thing. Not needed. Shows your not messing around without words.

The last paragraph, "the sweet" is good. Instead of the your at the beginning of the paragraph change the your to some kind of we "we" the kids and I agree(agree is well agreeing, your is kind of you against me).

Hopefully this helps. Remember, everyone recognizes a good person with a backbone. Those are the type of people everyone respects.

Thanks TJD.

I am quoting what she wrote in her original letter, so that is why it says "your" statement.

Good luck in your own recovery. I hope to be there one day soon.

WW just called to update me on the status of DS6 - he woke up in the middle of the night an his legs were hurting.

I asked 3 times if her day was OK, and each time she just ignore my question. On the 4th time, she said "I didn't really call to socialize." I said "You don't want to talk?" She laughed several times then changed the subject again.

So if you did not click on the link above to her Friendster page, she has this to say about herself:

"Family is extremely important to me. Unconditional love is... Well, what can I say? There are no words to describe it!"

Family is so important that we need to split ours up and cause all sorts of emotional distress to our kids. Riiiight.

Love the line about being genuine, not fake.

Eph525,

So we have compared our stories before and I am amazed how ours tract so well, I think mine has been WW for 12 years, been using our family at a place holder, until she wanted to jump ship and find her new life..... so I just sent this update to my lawyer, we are going to court Tuesday for Property Distribution, but wanted we are also talking about custody....

"The kids spent the night at grandma's house last night and their mother did not, guess St Patricks Party was more important that being with her kids.

My oldest said they spent the night at grandma's, I asked did their mother stay with them, he first said no. I asked to speak to WW, then my daughter
said oh she stayed with us. Then I asked to speak to WW, she confirmed she didn't spend the night with the kids.

Someone at chuch thought they saw her last night at the Flipside, the bar in the back of the coffee mill, that is why I questioned if she spent the night with them or not."

Also my oldest got a lower grade than normal on a science project because her mother didn't help work on it and my daughter called the night before it was due and needed me to get her and work on it that night, then when asked to stay later with me and finish it, WW got upset and said so my daugheter had to leave with a incomplete project.

I hope this will all be helpful on Tuesday.

I feel sometimes I am playing a game with my WW that its mroe sport than fighting for my marriage, I feel that I am doing more harm than I am doing good.

VR - I feel the same way, that I spend more time playing games with my WW that in trying to save our M. Actually, it's more that she is drawing me into playing the games, but to have to spend all this time documenting interactions and crap like it, it's getting tough.

This statement:


Wow - I never thought of it that way but now I wonder the same thing about my WW. It just hit me today as I was driving around that it seems like since we have been together that every 3 years WW has done something which could have ended our relationship. That felt like a ton of bricks.

On the one hand, I'd rather that we were both putting this effort into saving our M than defending ourselves. I am sure that all BSes feel this way. On the other hand I am really starting to question whether it's worth trying to work it out.

Today has just been so blah. I feel so unmotivated to do anything. I bounce between anger towards WW, anger towards myself, despair of the situation, hope for the situation, questioning myself and my actions since DDay.

I am starting to hate this house - too many reminders and triggers of us. I spent the afternoon yesterday looking at houses for sale, trying to figure out where I want to move to if/when this one sells.

I still fall into the trap of blaming myself for everything. I KNOW that she is responsible for her actions, but at the same time I KNOW that I could have been a better husband, listened to her more, met her needs better, etc. Never mind that she did not exactly meet my needs either. I really get down on myself - that is something I have always done - holding myself to a higher standard. I think its a control issue - either things go good or things go bad and I must be responsible for it whichever way it goes.

I see God's hand in all this because of how things have gone up to this point, but it's still so hard. How can I not doubt Him? I have to constantly remind myself to look at Jesus instead of the circumstances.

Just hanging on to His grip......

By the way our 11 year daughter has a severe inner ear infection and was put on antibotics Friday, saturday night she out at grandma's so WW could go out.

Editing my response to WW based on the input from Schoolbus:


I appreciate you communicating your concerns with me about the kid’s hygiene and I agree that we need to be consistent and on the “same page.” I hear the same types of stories when I try to do those things myself here at our house; however I still make the effort to brush their teeth in the mornings and night as well as clean their ears. Sometimes we get rushed and we miss it, though. It’s no different than in the past when we were all at home together – sometimes life happens.

I also appreciate the suggestion to box up the clothes that are too small for the kids now. Some of those clothes have been in their drawers for years now so it does make sense to do that. I already had it in mind to do that and your suggestion just reinforced that it does need to be done. Thank you for that.

Regarding the extra clothes you requested, I need all their clothes here at our house since the kids live here right now. You are welcome to purchase the spare clothes you require, and I agree that this would help with the weekend visits to your house and would mean less packing and preparation for the both of us.

Though I do not understand your request to stay out of your home, I will respect it nonetheless. The kids were confused about this so I explained it to them as best I could.

Your statement “It is my hope that we will be able to work together when it comes to what is in both DS6 and DD3's best interests” is a good one. The kids and I would love it if you would come home so we could do that.

For context, here is WW's original letter.

It has been brought to my attention that DS6 and DD3 are not brushing their teeth in the mornings at your house. They just shared that with me today (March 7, 2007) when we went to the bathroom to brush their teeth before school. They were very uncooperative, didn’t want to brush their teeth, saying, “We don’t brush our teeth before school at Daddy’s.” I explained to the kids why it is important to brush their teeth at least twice a day: keep our teeth clean, we have fewer cavities, makes our breath smell good, etc. If this is indeed true, I would appreciate it if you would have them brush their teeth in the mornings. Had I known they were not brushing their teeth I could have at least brushed Brianna’s after her arrival in the mornings.

I clean he kid’s ears every so often after baths – every 2-3 day, and last night (March 6, 2007) I cleaned their ears after bath, and again they were uncooperative saying, “We don’t have to clean our ears at Daddy’s house.” The ear wax that came out of Braden’s ears was a bit excessive and I doubt I was able to get all of it. I got what I could. I clean their ears after baths when they are at my house, but by no means is that enough or the only time their ears should be cleaned. I would appreciate your help in this matter as well.

It makes it very hard, as we have discussed over the years, when we are not consistent and on the “same page” with issues regarding the kids. Using the teeth brushing as an example, if they don’t brush every morning then when I have to do it, it becomes an unnecessary battle. A battle in which it seems like Mommy is being “mean” or Mommy is being the “bad guy” when I am only teaching them what is in their best interest – proper hygiene and how to take care of themselves.

DS6’s jeans packed in his suitcase for school this morning were too small. I had an extra pair of pants here that he wore today. Had I not had those we would have had to work out an arrangement that may have inconvenienced everyone to get him some pants that fit. It would be very helpful, as well as, beneficial if you could find some time to go through each child’s drawers and pull out the clothes that are too small (boxing them up) so this does not happen again. I remember mentioning this as DD3 had on panties and jeans that were too small and hurt her groin area.

I also need some spare clothes (church clothes, play clothes, and regular clothes) for each child just in case of accidents. It will also help when I have the kids for the weekends. It will require mush less packing and preparation on your part, and it will be mush easier to bring all their stuff on Friday mornings when DD3 us dropped off as I will only need their medication, blankets, and pillows (anything else special the kids want to bring).

Last but not least, I am asking you to stay outside and come no further than my porch when dropping off and picking up the kids. I am sorry if you do not understand this request or you feel it is unfair. I am only protecting myself and my environment by not allowing mountains to be made out of mole hills.

Thank you in advance for your help with the above mentioned issues. It is my hope that we will be able to work together when it comes to what is in both DS6’s and DD3’s best interests.

Eph...I recommend you remove that link above...you are in real danger of causing yourself some problems with that. MB is a public website - you never know who is reading and what they are going to do with the info.

Good point - link removed,

I did a C&P of the info

HI, nothing really to say...I do understand about your thought hitting you like a ton of bricks...

I know it hit me pretty hard when I realized that there was VA...I felt like I had a ton of bricks on my chest!

I'm sorry that you are feeling so hurt! I do think taht you are right about her being W...JMHO...

((((E))))

Eph,

I've been thinking about your WW's obsession with ear wax. How does she clean the kids' ears? With a coton swab? Does she clean down INSIDE their ears?

If so, this needs to stop. It can be dangerous to do this.

For one thing, the swab can push wax down even further into the ear.

Another thing, she could damage the kids' eardrums if she goes too far into the ear canal.

Earwax is there for a reason, and the excess gradually works its way outward. All you really need is a finger and a washcloth to clean the inside of the ear...and don't forget behind the ears! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

That being said, I DID check my kids' ears for VISIBLE flakes of ear wax that couldn't be reached with a finger and a wash cloth. I just plucked it out with a pair of tweezers, but ONLY when you could actually see it. I never actually got down into the ear canal.

Anyway, what I've always heard in regard to ears is that "The only thing you should put inside your ears is your elbow." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, try doing a search on the proper way to clean ears and refer your WW to it.

Yeah, this is how I feel about it - she is having to really get nit picky to find my faults so she can continue to justify her actions.

If all she can complain about is teeth brushing and ear wax, then maybe I am doing a good job.

But good point to research the proper way to clean the ears.

The teeth-brushing is great. The ear wax removal is not necessary and can be harmful.

I would send an extra outfit to her house, just for the kid's comfort. (I don't know why she doesn't get a job and buy them some).