It means Plan A is working! She is trying to stay on track with her "decisions." But darned if there arent still feelings for Eph there!

Steady as she goes!

Aye, Aye <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your insight Mortarman. It is mush appreciated.

WW and I talked last night for the longest time yet - about 15 mins. Mainly trying to work out details on what she needed for this kids this weekend and while I am gone on my trip next week. We did have some social interaction and she laughed once or twice. I asked her about going out to eat together with the kids either tonight or tomorrow night, she said she would think about it.

I read through some of our old letters we wrote to each other while we were dating in school - memories we made that seem so long ago yet also seem like yesterday. Lots of tears in seeing how our loved developed from a simple friendship, blooming over the course of several months like a rose in the spring. I was her knight, and she was my princess.

When I dropped of DD3 this morning I told her to let me know what she decides about going to eat. Broke down again driving into work when I heard the song "I Don't Want To Go" by Avalon. In my head I changed the words to this:

You changed my world
When You came to me.
You drove a passion,
In my soul down deep,
B, to follow You in everything.

I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be where You are.
So I don't want you to go.

So come whatever,
(Whatever may come)
I'll stick with You.
(Right by Your side)
I'll walk You'll lead me,
Call me crazy or a fool,
For forever I promise You...

That I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be where You are.
So I don't want you to go
Without Your touch,
Without Your love
Filling me like an ocean.

Even reading them again now brings a tear to my eye.

We have been through so much, the laughter, the tears, the joy, and the pain. Every moment is stored in my heart and etched in my soul.

I know I am healing and sometimes healing hurts.

WW called, she agreed to go to dinner tonight.

Check back in later.

Well we had a good time. I made sure I looked good and smelled good (thank you Mr. Armani). I picked up WW and the kids. WW was looking really good and smelling good herself. It was all I could do not to grab her, pull her into me, hold her tight and plant a big one right on her lips, and ......... sorry I digress.

At first, DS6 was really acting out and I had to take him to the men's room and have a talk. He has been so good for me lately, and I am thinking that us all being together probably stirs something in him. We talked and went back out and he was better after that.

We laughed, acted silly, ate our food. Really enjoyable, a little flirty but not overly (trying to control myself). I looked at her alot anad made sure she saw me looking at her.

I dropped them off back at her house ad hugged the kids bye since I probably won't see them until next Thursday after my trip. I told them to be good, listen to mommy, and help take care of her.

WW then said thanks for dinner, and I told her thanks for going with me and that I would talk to her later.

Overall a good plan A outing.

Now home alone thinking of her and how good she looked and smelled. if I didn't know any better, I would say she was doing her own plan A on me. I just hope I am having the same effect on her.

Sounds good.

Where are you going? Mexico? Watch yourself with all of the senoritas down there.

Yeah, Mexico City. Never been there before and don't know what to expect.

Will keep my eyes open, err, closed that is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Got another e-mail from WW about sending more pics from the party for DS6.

She also wrote:

"I can't remember if I thanked you for dinner the other night... If I forgot to then thank you for dinner. It was very good."

As I wrote above she did thank me the other night, and she does it again via e-mail. Maybe I am making some LB deposits finally.

Well I am off to finish packing for my trip to Mexico. Keep me in your prayers as well as WW and the kids while they are staying with her.

hasta la vista

Any chance she's reading here?

Have fun in Mexico. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

Unfortunately I have no way to know if she's reading here. I never told her I post here. I did give her HNHN and it reference this website.

I don't want to ask and give it away, though.

Actually going to dinner with you AND the "thank you's" MAY be an attempt by her to live out the fantasy of having her little affair relationship and you on the side as her friend and coparent. Sometimes...even within the fog...waywards miss their history. Their history with YOU. In entitled wayward mode...they believe they are entitled to keep it all.

I think sometime soon...your wife may be in need of a little Plan A stick. A little reminder that you still have Plan A hopes and dreams for your marriage and a recovery but that hope won't last forever. That OM is a piece of crap. He was 2nd best years ago and he's still 2nd best now, that you will NEVER be OK with him in your childrens lives and though you will coparent your children with her...as long as she's with him...you two will NEVER truly be friends.

Time for another carefully drafted email reminding of the reality of the situation. Waywards don't usually like reality.

Mr. Wondering

crap, did it again. Posted under Mrs. W's name.

So sorry,

Mr. W

Mr W,

Trying to live virtually through your wife <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We are on the same wavelength - I have already started such an e-mail. Thanks for the reinforcement.

Good,

BTW..I very purposefully posted about mentioning OM being 2nd best. It's likely a very serious insecurity of his which should be exploited. I would safely presume ANYTHING you write will be shared with him. She will TRY to assure him and have NO IDEA how poignant such remarks are. Hopefully, love busters ensue.

Mr. W (got it right this time)

Well I made it to Mexico City by way of Dallas (I thought of ML while wandering DFW airport).

On the flight I started reading the book Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. I have to say that is a very powerful book and resonated with me not only as a BS but with my life in general. I have been in tears nearly the whole time I have been reading it because it is so touching.

A couple of very poignant points:

"Humility has such power. Apologies can disarm arguments. Contrition can defuse rage. Olive branches do more good than battle-axes ever will. 'Soft speech can crush strong opposition' (Prov 15:15 NLT)"

"Be quick to pray, seek healthy counsel, and don't give up......Take a long look at the shore that awaits you. Don't be fooled by the fog of the slump. The finish may be only strokes away. God may be, at this moment, lifting his hand to signal Gabriel to grab the trumpet. Angels may be assembling, saints gathering, demons trembling. Stay at it! Stay in the water. Stay in the race. Stay in the fight. Give grace, one more time. Be generous, one more time."

I have to also say that this trip is affecting me emotionally, because it was when I got home from my trip back in October that my world was turned upside down by my wife's revelation that she wanted to give up on our marriage. I really did not expect to feel this way.

Well, I am getting ready to call WW and talk to her and the kids and let them know I made it OK.

Thanks for everyone's continued support.

Talked with WW tonight. The kids were already in bed by the time she called me back.

It was pleasant - like old times - and its meeting her EN for conversation. I told her I would call again tomorrow.

At least we can have social conversations. It wasn't that long ago that she would not even engage in that.

I asked her about coming over on Sunday for Easter - to have lunch and hunt easter eggs with the kids. She said she would think about it but she probably would. I told her I would love to have her.

Hola from Mexico <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Conversations with WW on the phone have been pleasant. I talked to her and the kids Monday afternoon and today. I can't wait to get home and see them and give them a big hug.

I've made several references to our history during our discussions, saying things like "Remember when we did...." "What happened when...." "What did you say when...." Each and every time she acknowledges what I ask and replies.

I asked her about me having the kids Thursday and Friday since I am off work and she was agreeable to that and said something like "You probably miss them."

She did ask me something strange today - she asked if she could use the ATM card to the joint account and get the kids some dinner. I asked if she had any money herself and she replied about not eating out like that all the time. I really think she is struggling financially now (of course when you have no job). I told her it was OK this time.

On a personal note, for some reason I have this desire to get a tattoo - something simple and small, a symbol of the new person I am becoming. Something not there for everyone to see, in a place inconspicuous but yet a high probability of being seen - maybe around the ankle or on the back of my shoulder. The old me would never have done that.

Well I will be on the way home tomorrow, passing through the great state of Texas again. Catch ya'll later.

Only have a moment

Hope your trip was enjoyable and you got some relief from the all emcompassing stress of your life.

As far as conversations with the wife...

Dr. Harley seems to always attempt to engage wayward spouse into conversations about what the betrayed spouse did wrong and how the wayward spouse thinks the betrayed spouse can become a better person, mate, father, etc. It's all done under the guise that no matter what happens...he would like to assist the betrayed spouse with dealing/accepting this situation and moving on however, in doing so, he is engaging the wayward spouse in conversation about his/her betrayed spouse and really leading them into marriage counseling.

I don't know if you'll be able to use any of that technique without putting yourself down but you don't really have to listen (I should say internalize) any of the criticisms as they are coming from a wayward spouse that will necessarily say the darndest things because their brains are still rationalizing and justifying their ongoing actions HOWEVER you WILL BE meeting her needs for conversation and making the situation safe to discuss for her.

To some extent it's worth a try. Just remember. Don't argue with her thoughts and hesitate trying to teach her. You lead with actions and attract her back by meeting needs. Your words will fall on deaf ears. Just LISTEN.

Mr. Wondering

Good Morning! I have been really busy of late but I wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts...I haven't had time to read your thread...

Barely have time to write on mine...I sincerely hope that you and the kids are fairing well...

Oh, I scrolled up and see that you are in Mexico...I hope that you enjoy your trip!

Take care!

Well, no ill effects from drinking tequila for the first time - when in Mexico do as the Mexicans do....in moderation of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I made it home late Wednesday night and slept in until 11am Thursday - a good thing since things got interesting Thursday.

WW agreed that I would pick the kids up Thursday around noon and also have them all day Friday, plus it's my weekend as well. When I went to pick them up WW gave me a piece of paper with her new cell phone number on it. It was quite a "story" about how the new number would not be active until after I turned off her other number like I had told her I was doing. The "story" made absolutely no sense to me and had holes all in it, but I let if go for the moment. I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek as I left, and she pulled away, then said something about not doing that again.

As we drove off, I dialed the new number and it went straight to v-mail and WW already had her voice mail message on it. Well, how could that be if the number was not active yet? Hmmmm.

So after our errands, I called WW again on the new number and she answered all cheerful "Hey, how's it going?" I told her we were on the way over to pick up something that DD3 forgot. She said she had just got her phone turned on and was just leaving the store and how long would it be before we got there - I say "Not with your bird chirping in the background. We will be there shortly." and I hung up. Her new bird gave her away - she was of course at home.

When we get there she opens the door and I say "It's bad enough you are disrespecting our marriage, but don't disrespect me anymore by lying to me. I am tired of it." Of course that caused her to go off on how I also disrespected our marriage - and I replied "Yes I did in some ways but I never gave up on our marriage and walked away." She then made another comment about how it was evident I had not changed at all by the way I handled the whole van key thing, to which I replied "Yes, I have changed and it's too bad your are too blind to see it." I turned and walked off after that - seething on the inside and at the same time feeling the dagger in my heart.

Later I left her a message inquiring about what she bought for the kids for Easter, and she called me back and we discussed that briefly - I continued to be cheerful in my conversations with her. At the end, I asked if she needed anything else. She said "Yes, one thing <looooong pause> I just wanted to say I am sorry for lying to you about the whole phone thing." She then went into how she had the phone for a week already and wanted to see if I would really turn the other one off (because of my lack of follow through in the past). I told her that it really hurt me that she would be deceitful like that, but that I forgave her because she asked for my forgiveness (however consequences may still arise from this). Through the whole conversation I kept telling her how I felt as a result of her actions (a major change for me). She then said something about beating herself up over it, and I told her "Look, it's over, you asked for forgiveness, you have it, now just let it go. I know you have the tendency to beat yourself up over doing things wrong, but you have to take care of yourself and this is not the way to do it. Don't let yourself go there because you don't have to."

I know this whole scene can be spun in many different ways, but for me it was one of the first times I saw my W peek through the fog in a long time. This is the first time she has shared any of her feelings with me on anything, and as I mentioned before our conversations are more social than they have been in the past. I think my words and actions might be getting through and she is caught so off guard because it is sooo not like the old me. I am really liking the new me!

Still thinking of that tattoo because it also is so not like the old me......<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Happy Easter to everyone.