E are you okay today?

What's going on with you? How are the kids?

Just thinking about you and how great God is...the fact that he always has a plan!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for checking up on me.

Just kind of existing today. I was up until 4am working on a system upgrade for work. Slept about 3.5 hours - I am exhausted.

We had a parent-teacher conference today at DS6's school. WW and I were there at the same time. DS6 is doing SO GREAT in school. His teacher said he is definitely ready for 1st grade. She said his behavior is so good at school - funny because it is sometimes the complete opposite at home.


Anyway, WW was sort of her chipper self during this conversation, but as soon as it was over and we were outside, the true W reared her ugly head. I cannot believe the switch that took place - well actually I can.

She asks me if I have thought about school next year - I said I have and was considering that in deciding where the kids and I will move to. Then she asks about her homeschooling again next year. I just told her we could talk about it, but honestly I don't see how she could think she can pull that off. She needs a job, for crying out loud. Sheesh louise.

Next week I am supposed to go to Mexico City for work, so I gave her a copy of my itinerary and asked if she could keep the kids while I was gone. I leave next Sunday and get back on Wednesday night. Hopefully I can post some while I over there.

OK, I am sleep deprived now so I am off to bed.

I think it is good that you talked to her about getting a job. That is what she needs to do, especially since your son is doing well in school.

Your wife is still not seeing many consequences for her choices. A good 40 hour a week job would do wonders.

The point about the job was what I thought in my head. I did not want to get into that conversation in the parking lot at the school, but it will come up soon.

I agree about her not seeing many consequences. The only substantial consequence is her limited time with the kids. That's a big one, though, considering the importance she places on them in her life.

I mentioned this in someone else's thread but I wanted to add it to mine for all of you who are keeping up.

Being a single parent is HARD - that's why God's design for a family unit includes a mother and father.

I salute all you mom's out there. Since I am essentially a single dad right now, my eyes have been opened to a whole new world.

But what a beautiful world it is.....

Oh, only in your head.........

I think I would be upfront with her about getting a job. Evem if she doesn't earn much, I think it would be a good wake up call for her.

Has she ever worked outside the home?

Thanks for clueing us in today...you know I have time to miss you! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope you get some good rest...take care and keep up the great work...

Oh, and thanks for the compliment...

I hope believe was picking on you with that! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

believer - this conversation will happen soon. I first need to polish it up in my head - I don't want to throw out a bunch of LBs when it happens. It would have been full of AOs if I would have engaged in it yesterday.

This is where I am staring to really see my personal growth through all of this - to be able to recognize how I feel and how that impacts my conversations. Points for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh S4B - thanks for lifting up the rock to see where I am <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I took the kids shopping for clothes last night - seems like everything they have is too small. I must be feeding them miracle grow or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

When I dropped off DD3 this morning, I told WW to have a good day like I always do - she actually responded "You too."

Will try again to invite her over Thursday as I proposed.

Speaking of that, I forgot to mention that in IC yesterday she said my response was "Brilliant." I told her I had a lot of help from my support group. Thanks again all of you.

WW has the kids tonight so I am going out with the guys.

Eph,

You are clearly a good man. A good person. A good father.

With your communications with your WW, it appears to me, that she decides when to respect you and when to disrespect you.

When I was in your situation at some point I realized what was happening to me. I was hurt, yes. She was having an A, yes. But, I am doing my best to be the best person I can be and I am the father of our kids. I may have made alot of mistakes but I am improving and trying hard. Everyone around me sees it and agrees with it. I know it doesn't mean alot to you(WW) but it does to me and to the kids. I am a good person. I am a good dad. I deserve and expect that you communicate with me respectfully. Once I became aware of this I expected it and would not tolerate her trying to disrespect me when we communicated. I was simple, pleasant, but simply said I don't deserve this and ended the conversation by simply saying I am a good person and a good dad and I am trying hard every day and don't deserve to be spoken to in this way.

Not sure how this fits into MB principles but it was a step for me and something to think about.

WW called me this afternoon to bring a few items the kids forgot. I told her I would bring them by on my way out this evening, about 6:45pm or so. I asked her if she needed anything else and she proceeded to ask what she was supposed to do when I take the cell phone back at the end of the month.

What I wanted to tell her was "Well you can just use the cell phone you have from OM that is in the top drawer of your dresser."

instead it went like this:

Me: Have you looked into another cell phone plan
WW: yes and also a land line but it was a bit much money wise.
Me: Sorry I don't have a solution for you
WW: How are we supposed to stay in contact with each other?
Me: Send me your e-mail address and we can e-mail each other.
WW: What about emergencies?
Me: Sorry, I don't have a solution for you. My brother is here, I have to go.

Maybe the consequences are beginning to add up? Who knows. Her tone kind of left me with the impression that she would use this against me somehow in that we are not able to communicate about the kids.

So again I am thinking - Go get a job and make some money on your own.

E- Trust yourself, which it sounds like you are doing, this is a consequence of her actions...plain and simply...

Not your responsiblity...I say this for pure validation purposes...

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Yep Yep. Time to get her own affairular phone <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL...I needed a good laugh...it's been a major struggle today...

First, IC session...rough! I was feeling lonely...thanks for being online tonight!

I hope that you have a safe trip...take care!

Brilliant responses!! You are living up to the maxim "never save a WS from the consequences of their decisions."

Good job!

Talked to a friend in DivorceCare tonight - she saw WW at DSS today, presumably getting food stamps just like she was. Unfortunately she did not get to talk to her much.

That broke my heart to hear that. My how low she has fallen. To think she would rather stay on this miserable path than seek what is truly best.

We talked about forgiveness in DC tonight.

Forgiveness is not:
A Feeling
Minimizing the offense
Condoning the other person's behavior
Trusting the other person
Letting the other person off the hook
Expecting an apology
Forgetting

Forgiveness is:
Life-changing
A decision only I can make
Obeying God
Freedom and release
A process
Living in a higher realm
Unilateral - only depends on me and not the WS
A reflection of my maturity

God impressed upon my heart that I need to forgive WW, but by no means does that mean that she should still not experience the consequences of her decisions.

I need to pray about how best to do this.

Good job! She sure is a stubborn one.

I like that definition of forgiveness. So often we think that it is a feeling that just comes over us, and that is not the case.

Foodstamps won't hurt her, and will come in handy.

Something tells me it is going to be hard for her to actually go to work.

Has she worked outside the home before?

Forgiving is not letting them off it is writing off the debt. When you know a debt is beyond your ability to force repayment - you write it off and enjoy not worrying about it anymore as you know - you are over worrying about it. You also get a tax exemption on it.

It is the same with people - when we realise nothing we do good or bad will force repayment of the debt we write it off and give up carrying the worry of any change in them. You also get the Lord's redemption of your debts to Him.

Linda

believer - she worked for about a year after we got married, from 1999 - 2000. She worked in a shadowing/mentoring program at a local high school with a troubled teen - like a well paid baby sitter.

Oh, and she does admit to being "strong-willed, determined, and stubborn" on her friendster page.

Well I actually got an e-mail from her today, 3 in fact. She sent some pics from DS6's birthday outing. I am surprised she sent me anything because she has been so adamantly against it.

Invited her to dinner again tonight to talk - still no dice.

I don't get it...she's so wishy washy...

Good thing your head is on tight! LMAO