Well we are done for today.

Some baby steps, but no final agreements.

More details later, I just feel down because I had psyched myself up for this.

Thanks everyone for your prayers. I felt them and I felt God's presence.

Just checking in.

I got my first tattoo last night. It's a cross with a banner wrapped around it with "Isaiah 41:10" written in it.

I should upload a picture somewhere.

WW saw it today and all she could do for 10 minutes was ask questions about it - when?, where?, why?, how?, etc. Talk about shock and awe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It boils down to this - it represents what God is doing in my life at this time and reminds me that he will always be there for me.

Sorry for the lack of updates lately - things have been a little on the slow side.

Still making the most of plan A and actually getting scared of possible plan B. I know I wanted to get to our anniversary, but it's not about a month away and right now my head and my heart say keep going in plan A. I know 6 months is the general recommendation but I feel like I can go longer.

Just dragging my feet on the mediation thing - WW and I have not even talked about it. I want to still convey the message that I talk marriage and reconciliation, but I am still getting things ready behind the scenes to protect the family.

I have asked several people if they would be willing to talk to the GAL and all have agreed so far.

The topic of alimony was nonexistent in mediation Friday and I wonder what's up with that. Could be that something DID happen or I have come up with enough circumstantial evidence that anyone would be convinced something happened.

What is sad, and many of you have picked up on it, is how easy WW lies to anyone - me, the kids, her lawyer, etc. My lawyer ought to be able to run with that.

when I picked up the kids today I was making sure that they had given mommy hugs and such, and they said they already had. So I said 'Well I haven't" and I ran over to her and hugged her. Oh, how I miss that.

Then DS6 was talking about how he misses mommy "one hundred thousand thirty one" (he invents such cool numbers) and he misses me "one hundred thousand forty one," then I said "well I miss mommy one hundred thousand fifty eleven." (fifty eleven is some odd number we invented in our history, all the way back to when we first met.

Then as we all climbed in the car the kids said something to WW like "Love you 500," to which I added "love you infinity." Just playing along with the kids but the undertone is serious enough.

I've sent some flirty e-mails and e-cards to her but she hasn't picked them up yet. For anyone else doing this as part of their plan A, I highly recommend www.hoochymail.com - an adult version of the old mad libs type stories. Good stuff, but be careful as they can be made quite exxxplicit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Invited WW to an activity I have planned with the kids. It's this rubber ducky race on the river downtown. You "adopt" a duck and if yours wins you can win prizes. She said she would think about it. Based on recent history I think she will go.

MIL's b-day was today so I need to make sure the kids call her tomorrow and wish her happy b-day.

I am struggling with what to do for Mother's Day. I was thinking of getting WW and MIL a spa package they could do together. Is that too over the top? Should I go with something simpler?

Thoughts, comments, suggestions always welcome (hopefully no 2x4's)

Oh, and I talked about my tattoo in IC Monday. She was quite surprised that I did something like that, but agreed it was well thought out and that it was definitely something symbolic and meaningful to me (she has one herself). Most people who have seen it, once the initial shock wore of Mr. Goody Two Shoes getting a tattoo wore off, agreed that it fit me.

OK, off to bed. I am killing myself staying up so late.

I would go to plan B before too long because you want her to have plenty of time (at least 6 months) to reflect on plan B before she can get a divorce. You know she's just going to sit on the fence as long as you are in plan A. You've done about all that you can do. Start planning for plan B sometime in the next month.

Yeah I gotta get over my own fear first to make sure I do a good plan B. It took me awhile to get my plan A going good.

I concur with Jim.

I thought plan B was the place I wanted to get to, but I have to say that now that it's close it scares the heck out of me. Also wondering how it would be viewed and portrayed by WW and her lawyer considering we have legal actions in process.

This is probably normal.

I need to read up on some of the Killer Bee's stories on here. Probably start a new thread when that time comes.

In the meantime, I would like some clarification on a question that came up in IC. Since she is not so familiar with Dr. H's philosophies, she asked how is plan B in line with what Jesus would do. That piqued my interest as well so until I have a grasp on that I can't go to plan B.

Mortarman, ForeverHers (if you are keeping up with me) and others I would welcome your input on this. Maybe this needs it's own thread as well, but frankly some of the "religious" discussions here make me sick because of all the name calling and such. IMHO, this kind of infighting among believers is wrong.

Here you go Eph...

Want to see Plan B in action? Look at this:


Even the church is required to Plan B a rebellious believer!!

You don't have to set a date...just yet...but begin preparing yourself for it. Tie up any and all loose ends that would give her reason to initiate contact (accounts, insurance, her personal belongings, etc.).

Most posters just reach a day where they decide it's Plan B time. If I were you I'd start snooping around to find out how she and OM are carrying on the affair in secret. It's likely very underground because she is in a fight for custody of the kids and she and OM have decided to be very careful until her case gets resolved...HOWEVER, the addiction is strong and they just can't help messing up. Snoop some to discover what's going on. When you step up the Plan A a bit as you've done...then make a big discovery about the affair (maybe catching OM spending the night while you've got the kids and she feels all safe)...then disclosure...then Plan B.

Plan B is usually precipitated by some particular negative thing the WS does. Not that it's a reaction to them...it's not. Plan B is for you, however, THEY (the WS's) can subconciously understand it better if it follows something hurtful they did that you found out about. Otherwise, the "I can't talk to you anymore because you are hurting me" type language in the Plan B letter just feels like manipulation to them. They say..."What changed, you've been handling it good so far...this is just another game BS is playing".

Just some thoughts.

Mr. Wondering

Oh, I agree with the whole Matthew 18 process. I guess I did not connect it so much with Plan B.

The whole darkness, no contact thing is what bothers me. Jesus didn't hide from sinners, he hung out with them.

I know the day will come when God will plan B His own creation - judgement day. Until then, God pulls off the most unbelievable plan A in the history of man.

Good points by the W!!

You are hiding from no one. Plan B is just getting out of God's way!!

BTW, recently some of the Plan B guys have been hammered in court about their Plan B's. One guy even had the judge order him to communicate with his WS, however, what form that communication was to take was left open. One big difference in your situation is YOU have primary physical custody right now.

Yes, in the custody battle...WS and her attorney will TRY to use your Plan B to their advantage. You'll both have your arguments. But if you do everything you can to see that WW IS receiving communications about the kids, in a time manner, then you should be OK.

In the alternative, I've been hashing out whether or not it may be advisable for BH's, in a custody battle, to consider allowing their WW's to email them anytime...giving the WW apparent email contact and the illusion of open communications, however, placing an intermediary in between you and the actual reading of the email. You forward the email to intermediary...they open it, edit it down to only the pertinent information about the kids, and perhaps even call you to give you such information, they draft a response...seemingly from you...only addressing the pertinent information about the kids.

You get peace. WW gets a response regarding the kids ONLY. In fact, the return email should include HER email with all extraneous information simply edited out by the intermediary. She'll think you did it but so what.

Just an idea. But in contentious custody cases...to me...winning and protecting the kids is paramount to scoring some small Plan B victories. Protecting YOUR LOVE FOR HER can be accomplished with this procedure.

Wonder what Dr. Harley, Steve and Jennifer think???

Mr. Wondering

In addition to what Mr. W said about snooping for more conclusive proof of the A, I think somehow investigating that your WW is communicating with OM while your children are over there will score HUGE points for you when it comes to custody. I think it could even tip the scales so that you could have primary custody, put your children in daycare during the day, and keep her from receiving child support payments. I think the day that she has loses custody of her children, is penniless, and has to work some crap job that she hates, just for OM, is the day she cracks.

Mr. W...I think they would agree! I know that is what I did!

Thanks everyone, great points and great discussions.

MM said:

OK, I can agree with this at some level, but can't I plan A and still be out of His way? Well, I guess in plan A I am still part of the equation. Plan B removes me entirely.

Where I struggle with this has to do with some of WW's personal history where people in her life (her father among them) have walked away from her and gone dark, kinda like plan B. My concern is she would associate me into that group of people. This is where I would argue some uniqueness exists in my situation.

First bit of snooping will involve my lawyer subpoenaing information about communication methods like cellphone, laptop, e-mail, etc. Like I said before, the fact that WW has lied to so many should cast a lot of doubt on anything she says right now.

Well we have DS6's kidney surgery scheduled for 6/1/2007. WW made all the arrangements herself and gave me the info when I picked the kids up.

That perturbs me because I have tried to make every effort to include her in decisions regarding the kids, especially of this magnitude.

I just sent this e-mail to my lawyer

Got this response:


Also, I am going to go "fishing" regarding the cop showing up at my house when WW was there two Friday's ago.

Eph,

Nothing here makes me think your WW gets anything. She seems to continue to act as wayward as ever. She did the schedule of your son's surgery just to show you she was in charge (we know she's not but in her wayward mind she is).

Sounds as if you have a good lawyer?

It's a longshot, but I put nothing past a WW, just maybe the cop showing up was planned. I really think it's unlikely but watch her depositions, affidavits, discussions with GAL, anything where she COULD potentially include a statment that she was actually being abused or scared of you that night and had to have someone call the cops on you to alleviate the situation. Again, more likely it was OM who has been lied to about your treatment of her getting worried about her and calling the cops (which means that they had to have been communicating) than a convulted setup by WW...but be ready for it. Besides, WW's are usually too wrapped up in their addiction and entitlement to go to such extreme set up planning.

On the June 1 appointment...do you have a legitimate conflict??? Something that could force the surgery to be rescheduled which would allow you to document frustration over her taking over and demonstrate she's not coparenting. She's likely to use the situation to demonstrate that she's in charge of the kid's medical situations as she's the most responsible and available parent to handle all matters concerning the kids. Right now, she can say that you and her agreed verbally to her being in charge...despite your misgivings and uproar after the fact. She may even just act like you set her up to fail and you're just trying to make her look bad to the GAL. Be careful...and document.

Mr. Wondering