Eph,

I was thinking about this last night and came upon a notion you may not have considered.

IF and WHEN your wife becomes a repentent recovering/recovered former wayward wife...she will fully understand and appreciate EVERYTHING you did to save your marriage and family. There is not a single action I took in 2005 that my wife resents or has issue with today. It is only by the grace of God that you are even willing to put up this fight for your wife and your family. Attempting to reconcile despite her adultery, despite your right to put her out...is LOVING AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH, in and of itself. You can still love from afar and allow the Holy Spirit to work on her.

God brought you here, God has shown you a plan for accomplishing your goal...God is in control and through MB you will successful. Success MAY be recovered marriage or just a personal recovery...but either way, YOU will make it and either way...your kids need (at least) YOU to make it.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - I think your wife is now, at times, twarting your Plan A efforts because they are soooo good when they work that she fears leading you on at all. That meeting a few weeks ago when the police came was too intimate for her so she backed off AND OM started applying more pressure. OM likely HATED that meeting and expressed a lot of insecurity over it...thus, NO TIME FOR YOU ON MOTHER'S DAY. This ain't gonna stop on it's own. I see this dynamic continuing and without much Plan A stick a Plan B, IMO, is becoming a necessity pretty soon (after your snooping uncovers some significant facts as a impetus).

Very typically I see OM's getting fed up and dumping WW's when the going gets tough. This OM is not going to do that. He's got his dream girl and ultimate revenge on YOU for stealing her away from him years ago. Thus, WW in Plan B, no longer cake eating and having to get all her needs met by OM is the key to getting HER to dump him.

Not only that...your whole marriage she had OM as a friend and you as her husband. I bet she thinks you two will just switch roles. She's never been faced with NOT having one of you. She's never really had to choose...with finality. It's getting time for that final CHOICE to presented to her...at least frame the question with Plan B. She's NOT entitled to both of you...indefinitely.

Just my take...your mileage may vary.

FaithfulWifeCJ - Point well taken. That is what I suggested to BK also.


Eph525 - my apology for the distraction to your thread.

I will remove myself from further posting so as to not cause any other potential distress for you during this time.

If you want any additional comments or whatever, please email me as you did this last time.


God bless.

have read this thread for months now and have kept my mouth shut - I think/hope. However I might have a point of view that may help the Plan A Plan B Christian issue.

Jesus told us He is always there for us, however He did put conditions on it and any time He repeated the promise the conditions were a given.

He also gave discipline and much instruction to his church through his disciples. Just reading any of the Epistles will give many examples.

He took time alone, away from His ministry to replenish himself and did not come running when called, He did what was necessary for Him to do His job.

Even when He saw unethical actions in the temple, His father's house, He acted immediately and out of character for those whom might think Him a quiet healing Jesus.

My opinion is that Jesus did Plan A to heal, He did exposure of unethical behaviour and Plan B when he needed replenishment. He did not come down the mountain to respond to the World that grabs your WW, he stayed until he was ready. His disciples and those to whom he preached were at that time His Church.

You need replenishment my brother, and only complete respite will succour your soul. the withdrawal of the Lord up the mountain gave his disciples time to do His bidding - and they didn't. They found that without His support they were ineffectual. I expect that your "trip to the top of the mountain" Your peaceful "trip to refreshing holy ground" will replenish you and allow your WW to see how it is not to have the support she does not value.

Remember climbing a mountain to find Holy ground is not easy - emotionally you are tired and weary, but the peace up there will succour you as it did our Lord.

I am flat on my back with really bad back problems and have been since January. This has helped my FWH to HAVE to help me and take on caring jobs. It is for him a lesser kind of plan B and reminds him of the past, of me not being there. In spite of the frustration and pain it has been an oasis for me, the Lord never fails to gift me with each challenge. He will not fail to gift you during your challenge of Plan B.

God Bless You

Linda

Eph - I never actually recommended you should go to Plan B now. I merely asked you why you thought Plan B was counter Ephesians 5:25.

This may have been interpreted by some as recommending Plan B but it is not/was not my intention to do that.

That is reasonable.



That was not. Just let it go already.

I've been in a two hour text message marathon with WW. First time she ever responded to any TM I sent to her. This comes after she mentioned that we needed to talk about some stuff when I dropped off DD3 this morning.

summary will be posted later.

^bump for Eph525^

....


(pacing)


...


(drumming fingers)


...


PATIENTLY WAITING!!!!!!!


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks FWCJ.

Details tonight around 8pm - off to pick up the kiddos.

General statement - her messages were full of lies and venom. I hope I did not LB too much myself - I don't think I did at all.

((Eph525)) Tiny hug for a hurting brother

Sorry your WW has turned venomous. Sometimes I think that's the only way they can react to their own obviously bad behavior when we don't join them in the pit of filth.


--CJ

As promised here is the chat transcript. I don't understand some of the things she wrote, but I didn't get bogged in that. I tried to stay on topic. Like I said this was over the course of about 2.5 hours or so and I was so drained afterwards.


Me: Stuck on I-85 parking lot, sending a note to say I am thinking of you. You still light up my life!

WW: Bull. Even if I believed that

Me: Believe it! I woulda given up long ago if u weren’t. You think I am happy now? No way, that is bull.

WW: You have a funny way of showing it. You want me but you want to prove me a HO like you called me in the bedroom or unfit as a mother. I hear what you way but I listen to what you do! What I hear and what I know you are doing are 2 different things. You don’t love me now nor the years we were together. I’m not stupid. If you wanted me back you wouldn’t try to hurt me. So save your breath. It means nothing. You lie and we both know it! So if you want to play or fight dirty and you can live with yourself, your Christian self, then you go right ahead. I refuse to play. I’m happy and whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen. I can’t change the future. I can’t change or control you. You had your chance. I can’t help the way you feel. I begged you. I’m not perfect haven’t claimed to be. There is no talking to you about this. You see yellow I see white.

Me: Who is hurting who here? I am looking at things honestly 4 the first time, and what I see absolutely hurts like he**

Me: And I do love you and have loved you! You know this inside. I love you but not things you have done or are doing to me. Big difference.

Me: Didn’t love you perfectly, but loved you nonetheless! As best I could, and I know it can be better.

WW: It is worse and we both know it. You are fooling yourself. There is nothing left! Nothing.

Me; You absolutely can change the future, your future, our future, our children’s future! Question is will u change it for good or for bad?

WW: I’m changing it for the better thank you very much. Too bad you can’t see it and accept it. It is more than apparent you don’t want me to be happy. You would rather me be miserable. Because I would be if I gave in to your lies!

Me: What I know is together WE can fix it. Isn’t that what families do? Especially since family is important to you.

Me: I’m sorry I don’t understand how you think I do not want you to be happy. I want us all to be happy. Can only be one way.

WW: has to be your way, huh? Your way and only your way only. There is a problem with that.

Me: Tell me how your way is better. I would really like to understand that. And again I ask you to speak to my coach because maybe he can help you help me understand. Then maybe I can help our kids understand. Would you do that? If not for me then for the kids. We owe them that.

WW: As long as both parents are happy and we co-parent the kids will be just fine. K backed that up. I can’t help it if you don’t understand. Your coach? If you need help getting it there is a problem. I said it before you want a favor so do I. I will help the kids understand as you don’t need to be the only one to explain to them. You have done enough.

Me: I completely reject that what u are doing will result in the kids being fine. They have already been impacted for the worse. I want what is proven to be the best. Come back home wife!

WW: I don’t love you. How is that good for the kids? You already know this. You don’t love me either. I could pretend to love you and hurt you so you can see how it feels if you’d like. Tired of pretending with you. Tired of you attacking me after your fake forgiveness. Tired of your love hurting me.

Me: Im not pretending and I’m not attacking. I’m not running anymore from problems either. I committed myself to you and I stand by that. Still.

WW: Call it whatever you want if that’s what makes you feel better.

Me: Love will come back in time when each other’s needs are met. Guaranteed and proven. Read the book I gave you. True.

WW: Not after what you’ve done not after what you are trying to do. Not after all the lies and bull on both sides. This should have been considered a long time ago.

Me: There was a time when I did not think I could love you. I was wrong.

Oh, and I still owe comments to everyone who posted on my plan B questions. They are forthcoming.

E, you have your wife's name after you say come home!

thanks. edited.

(((((((((E)))))))))

I really don't know what to say to you that would offer you comfort...I'm just so sorry that you are dealing with this...

Heavenly Father, please wrap your arms around E and his children, bring them the warmth of your love and comfort them. Guide their little family to your will, peace and happiness again! Cover them with your wings and give them the strenght and courage to carry on!

I hope that you get some rest...I sense how tired you are...

Eph, trying to educate a wayward is an LB. That exchange will only make things worse. It is time to subpoena her records, do a couple week plan A, and the go DARK! Plan A will NOT work by itself. What more do you need than your latest exchange?

saw a great analogy today somewhere and can't remember where:

Be like a duck - calm and peaceful above water and paddling like heck underneath.

That's what I feel like.

Thanks for the prayer Rin - that means a lot to me.

DS6 and I had and interesting conversation last night. He couldn't sleep and kept coming downstairs. I sat him in my lasp and asked if anything was wrong, since this was not normal for him. He had gone to see K (his counselor, mentioned above) and I asked him what they talked about.

I got the standard answer - "I don't remember."

I asked if they talked about mommy and daddy - No.

I asked if they talked about his behavior - yes, they talked about how he needs to listen.

I asked him if he knew why he should listen - No.

So I said the bible says that children should listen to their mommies and daddies. He asked me if his children's bible said that, and I said yep. So he went and got my bible and I showed him and we read Ephesians 6:1 - Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

I told him the bible also said that mommies and daddies are to love and take care of their kids, and also that mommies and daddies are supposed to love each other.

I asked him if he was scared of anything - thunderstorms.

I asked him if he was happy about anything - yes, living with Daddy.

Talk about getting choked up then.....

I asked him if he missed mommy - yes.

Then just before we left WW's place this afternoon, he ran back into the house to tell her something. When we got home, he told me he went in to ask her when she was coming home.

So tender, so innocent.....

good point Jim.

I already asked my lawyer about getting any records regarding communications - cell phones, laptop, e-mail, etc.

still would like to make it to our anniversary date (6/6) like I had planned before doing anything else.

Straight up honest - I am scared to do it because like I said before, based on her own past, I think she expects it and wants it.

I still want to hash all that out here. bear with me


BTW - glad to see that you own sitch seems to be improving with some "possibilities" coming up. I can only dream of such a thing right now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Eph,

Then give her what she wants. If she wants to be divorced, show her what it will be like. Maybe (most likely) it won't be as great as she expected. I know that's when my situation changed. I told my W she would get her D, I was done, she needed to pack her [censored] up, find a new place to stay, and secure health and car insurance because I was cancelling hers. I told her I was never talking to her again. She called and texted me nonstop after that. I just responded once with, "you are dead to me." She agreed to NC that day (which she subsequently broke 5 times, but hey, she was a recovering addict. She was bound to slip a few times). You know the rest of the story.

still wondering if this is fallout from contacting OM's parents....

I am under the impression, based on her proposal at mediation, that she thinks D will be just like it is now except she will have the kids. Good ol' E will be forced to take care of everything because she HAS to stay home with the kids and can't work a real job

Keep in mind I am already bound to the temporary agreement from the first court appearance when she filed LSA.

The only way she will get the kids is if the GAL's recommendation is for her to have them and the judge goes with that. Honestly I can't see that happening, but I sure as heck am not going to sit around either.

Eph525,

I see several (MANY really) things from today's exchange that could give you a glance into your WW's heart. It is going to take me some time to get together my response though...so I'm warning you now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I'll reply as soon as I can!!!

Your faithful friend,



CJ