Well, here’s my story - hope I can keep it short. Wife and I both 29 years old. Been married for close to 10 years. Have 2 kids (14yr. old daughter (hers from previous marriage) and 6 year old son). Up until 2 – 3 months ago, I thought our marriage was doing o.k. Sure, we had some problems, but I thought we were still “o.k.”. Then wife got a new job, which she REALLY likes (and REALLY likes her boss). Long story short, I was having some emotional problems, and I understand that I was not meeting her EN (and had not been for a long time). So about a month ago, my suspicions of her relationship to her boss seemed to be confirmed by the cell phone bill. Some calls at inappropriate times and dates, etc. I went to see a counselor (both for me personally, and to start dealing with the problems in our marriage). He seemed to agree with me that “something” was going on. I kept quiet to her about what I knew, as counselor directed me to, and with information I found here, started being a better husband in the EN area, etc. When the counselor had a session 1 on 1 with her about a week ago – she admitted that she had been pursuing “something else” – but that she was backing off of it since she had seen some changes in me, and knew that I was trying to work things out. The counselor didn’t want to push her right then, so he didn’t get any more information – just that she had been “pursuing something else”. Right now that’s where I’m at. I know something has happened – whether EA and/or PA is not known.
It’s so hard to think about. The scenarios running through my mind are just unbearable – the business (???) trips the two took, her “working late”, etc. I just can’t handle the thoughts anymore – so I contacted the counselor and told him that I couldn’t keep quiet anymore. I have to know what’s really going on (or what did happen, if she’s truly backing off of it). I have an appointment tomorrow with him, and then we are going to set up an appointment for the both of us where he will mediate the “confession”, if she will confess to me.
I’m so scared of that – I want to know but am scared to find out. What hurts the most is knowing that she really does LOVE her job – it’s the type of job she’s been waiting a LONG time to find, one that is a once in a lifetime position in our location (I am NOT willing to relocate). I know that when there is any type of A at work, the WS should immediately quit their job to sever the ties with the OP. But I know that if I were to demand that, WW would hold a HUGE amount of resentment against me for it, or even worse, would choose the job over me. So I’m not sure how to handle that. Any thoughts? Any advice for me during the appointment when/if she admits something – what should I do, say, etc.???? Thank you in advance to anyone with advice. I have felt really alone during all of this, and just lurking around this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you.
