I read in one of those silly gossip magazines that Brittany Spears changed her haircolor over and over during her rocky marriage and finally after the breakup with nimwit... she went from brunette to blonde, to brunette, to blonde over and over again. It said that a change in haircolor or an overhaul in ones looks signifies moving on and breaking free.

It's only since I left my husband that I've read a few of these silly gossip magazines. I suppose part of it is that misery loves company and no matter how messed up our lives our, celebrities seem to be more so - and it's all right there in the public eye. I suppose I've read about Brittney, Nicole (and her alcoholic husband) and now Reese with some sick comfort - are they just real people like us, trying to keep their marriages together, dealing with the same insane issues?

I had dark hair when I met my husband, was a blonde when we were dating, was blonde through most of our marriage, went back to a brown with highlights after leaving him, went blonde again last year... then I went dark lately and it seems drab so I think I'll go blonde again. If this means Brittney Spears has been going back and forth with her own marriage and self esteem so have I. Believe me going back and forth between dark and blonde isn't easy. Took her seven hours to become a blonde again recently. And I've become a home expert at this - it's a lot of bleach to get the brown out, and get the blonde/ash back without having orange hair.

I am going to see family for the Holidays, just need to decide who I am going to be. Dark haired, which seems to mean smarter, more together, but ugh it's drab on me. Or blonde, perhaps this time a darker blonde, meaning I'm on with my life, having more fun - you know what they say about blondes. I'm not one to be obsessed about my looks but it's true, after a breakup somehow reinventing yourself - through a new hair color - and new clothes - and new makeup - somehow as shallow as it is, Brittany is right, it makes you feel better, more in control.

Viola, a new hair color. A new me. Look out world. Just hope she stays away from the Kfed's of the world - and so do I...

Horsey2: go for the blond hair. Being blond myself I guess I Prefer blonds! Anyway I think it will (what ever color) look great on you! Just have fun. Just my two cents.

Yes, I think blond it will be. I'm nearing 40 and this brown thing is making me look old. I have a picture of myself with my boy as a baby two years ago - I was very blond and I looked a decade younger. Everyone though I was a 20 something mom (unless they looked close) rather then an older mom, I'm now 38. Perhaps like Brittany the brown thing happens during those times of stress/relationship trouble, times of giving up. Blonde happens on the upswing and I'm ready for another one of those. Oh, the bleach it's going to take to get this brown out! At least 2-3 bottles. I think I'll do it next week when I have three days off so my hair can rest a few days with protein conditioners before the blonde goes on. I will wear a hat everywhere I go of course - this is going to be ugly.

Im a male, but what I did after my divorce is to get my self esteem built back up. I bought new clothes.....had to get back in style....LOL. Its funny how you forget about that kinda thing when you have been married a long time. Im no longer like that......I dress very well......at least Ive been told. I also started working out.....ALOT. About 3-4 days a week for the last 5yrs. I went from 160 lbs and benching about 225 lbs. to 190lbs (today) and benching about 310 lbs.

Hmmmmmm, maybe that is why my *NOW* wife married me.

*shrugs*

I went dark. I lost about a decade when I went to a cinnamonish color. Brown with lots of red.

I personally think that color, especially if you're making a big change, is something to splurge on a good colorist for. I dye my own to give my mouse-brown some oomph, but when I first went dark I had my sylist do it.

I just wanted to throw another option into the mix. How about a red?

I did the reddish brown right after the split. I think that is a power color for those of us who can't go blond.

My wife coored her hair red to purple for some reason and I grew a beard for the first time (I son't like it though). SHe changed it for her new boyfriend. She is also loosing weight too, but I think that is becasue he is keeping her busy in the bedroom.

No red, I have more cool coloring in fact the brown is making me look awful as it has some red tones. I can tell from pics that I looked my best as an ash brown, it was on the lighter side.

It's not true that if you are a brunette that you can't go blonde. You have to buy the blue bleach it's at drugstores and bleach the snot out of your hair, then you buy the light or med ash blonde and if you want add a few highlights afterwards.

I just found a website where women with dark hair were chatting about this process, actually it's not easy but I did it so many years... however when the roots show it's BAD. Not like having tons of highlights which might be trendier. I think even hairstylists are afraid of this two step process I was doing myself because it can go very wrong. Women on this site were there going oh, no, I have bright orange hair. The key is getting all of the brown out.

The hairsylists the past year had a "great idea" of dying my hair back to it's original color - which appears to be a mousy brown, then highlighting it. Not to brag but my at home color jobs beat out all three that I've hired for $100+ bucks in the past year.

I liked being blonde, right now I just look in the mirror - and I know I'm tired as a single mom - but this really makes me look down.

Back to blonde I think, or maybe I'll wait a few weeks as I'll be on vacation in California with family a few weeks with time on my hands...

Strange what changes we goes thru after a Divorce or breakup. I guess because we turn back into ourselves. I mean we (if you are a normal mentality, emotionality healthy individual) go into our deepest core of ourselves. Let’s call it our soul but you may call it whatever you feel it is. We (I guess) look at the true self. No longer having our partner with us leaves us with no one other then ourselves. We should try to bring out that person we were before the relationship! This is a time to be selfish (but not too selfish like a child would be) and not feel guilty about it. Yes, we should buy the clothes we like, not what our partner might have liked, Change our hair to the color we want, not ask our partner what they might think. And yes buy the damn boat if it will let you be happy! Yes, we should be that person we were before the fighting started the lies and the cheating! A lot of bad comes out of a divorce or breakup, but some good comes out as well, I guess it’s life or God’s way of compensating us for our pain and suffering. But whatever it may be, don’t worry be happy! You have a new life starting and you should be enjoying IT! Walking with our heads up high, meeting new people with confidence and starting to show love for people and ourselves again. The storm will end and then the sunshine will shine on us, embrace it and enjoy it. I know I will!

Sag, if that's the case I need to stick with brown hair, my ex loved my hair blonde, he wanted a barbie doll on his arms, a trophy wife that was the modern version, ran her own business and was smart. Ok, I'll admit when he showed up to see his son last my hair was such a drab brown and when he asked "what happened to your hair" with THAT look, you know the one, it sort of amused me, sure it was a bad haircut and bad color - but it didn't even matter what his opinion was. I was into my horse hobby, he hated that, since leaving him I've had little interest in it I don't know why. It's true I think we go back partially to what we were before these people we married, but I think we also reinvent ourselves and in some strange way that's part of the healing process.

I don't think it's that easy though - color your hair, lose the weight from having a baby, changing the wardrobe and being "happy." This divorce/separation stuff is very hard - and I think there has to be an inner spirital power to get through it, call it God or whatever. I'm well aware that looks are external as is money, and success. Perhaps I'm the insecure one if I think that by changing my looks, increasing my business, making my own money, moving to a nicer house, setting goals as such is going to make me "happy." Some times I think I was a whole lot of why this marriage failed - I do have a temper and I'm insecure and now alone I have no one to blame things on - it does come in handy to have a spouse around to say, this is your fault, could you pick up the boy at daycare, could you help with this or that...

Although my ex was a pig I was too sometimes. I haven't divorced him and I still wish there was a way to "fix this" but I don't know how. With a divorce rate of 60-70% in our society, continual divorces can't be the answer.... One day I'll figure out the "answer" for me. For my boy. I just can't believe life can be this hard most of the time, being just another single tired mom added to the world of single moms - with 70% of kids being raised in single households... it's just depressing. I wish a bottle of haircolor could fix this.

I know what you mean, I too has special interests; Politics, I even went to a rally and got a blur in the town newspaper. Music, recording and burning CD’s. Spending quality time with my sons.



True again, I am learning how to be a better cook, baking (didn’t know it, but I love it)
Spending more quality time with my sons! Clean, Clean and then Clean again. Then go out and work on my car. Fix or repair something. I am learning to be Mom and Dad!



God, are you reading my mind! That is how I feel. I would have to come home and fix her problem or problems (and it was always something that she did or didn’t do!) and then move on the help our children with their needs or wants.



Horsey2, I too know that I am not a perfect person, Yes I said things that were unkind, but I needed to defend myself from her verbal abuse. I just got tried of her condescending attitude. Which she did not only to me but my children as well! And if you find that answer on how to “fix this” please in God’s name let me know! I loved this woman very much! It breaks my heart to know that we can never, never be together again. It takes years to help a person with this kind of personality disorder and that‘s only if they want help. I invested so many years trying to “support her” that I know I can’t invest anymore! I am done with her, and I tell myself that each day I wake up, go to work, driving in the car, or just sitting around hoping that someday soon my life will change to some kind of normalize. These people take not only your love and heart, and sometimes your children! But also your dreams and desirers. I want the triggers and venting to just stop! This is my life and I want it! I have a right to it! I will never again share it with someone who can’t share, who can’t love and will never show empathy for anyone!

Horsey2 - Sounds like you are trying to "wash that man or your sadness right out of your hair"....LOL...

Hey, anything you can do to feel better about yourself or lift yourself up during/after a D is a part of the long range goal = HEALING thyself..



Mid way thru my turmoil I lost interest in my horse addiction too. My WH HATED and still HATES the whole horse thing..anyway...I got mad that I allowed my WH and his bimbo's to take away my passion for my horse. So I dove back into it, I went to the barn when I wanted and didnt' care when I got home..Let him have his bimbo's my solace came from my horse and my horsey friends, rather than bar friends.
Then I started going out with other friends, boy was I having fun, getting attention, busy, busy, always going somewhere, dinner, drinks, parties..
Then I realized that again, I put my passion on the back burner, that all this running around was wearing me down. I was drinking too much, smoking too much, and only seeing my horse 3-4 days a week, rather than my normal 6-7 days.

Yet, with all that socializing I wasn't really happy. For a time there I needed the attention of the oposite sex. I neeed to know that I was still attractive to someone...even if it wasn't WH.
Well, I have put my foot down on myself and I resolve to spend more time with my horse. He's my passion, he's what melt my heart.

What I'm getting at, is get back on that horse. I realize with your son time for yourself is tough. BUT, it will fill you up again, it's healthy for you both physically and emotionally..and believe me a horse doesn't really care what color your hair is..LOL

HUGS.....

Yes I've thought of getting back into my horse hobby, I just mail checks, i"m sure her feet are horrible and I've abused her. She was a beautiful warmblood dressage horse. I haven't even had the energy to sell her. And yes she won't care if my hair is an ugly mouse brown. I never did dye it back to blonde, it's a lot of bottles and work to get it that way, although it's true it looked best on me. I bought honey blonde highlights the other day, I'm going to try that first. I never did the pary thing after leaving my ex as I have such a young boy - but I did drink a lot the first few months, now and then I still do at home, not very often, but it numbs you - but the next day it hurts more. I need to stop being so tired, this man obviously got the best of me if I lost interest in hobbies and much of life. I'm proud of the "progress" I made since leaving him, although I've lost so much that I miss. My horse too. I keep having dreams at night about her, I haven't even seen her in 4-5 months, just mailing board. Poor horse.