He wants to take the little kids over to the OW's for two nights every couple of weeks. Our littlest one is only three, and doesn't talk much yet. I can't explain where she is going, that she will come back. What if she wakes up in the middle of the night for water, which she does fairly regularly? She has never been farther away than across the hall from an adult, and I think he will be putting the girls together two floors away from him. At least if she were a baby, you could put her in a crib and expect to find her there in the morning, but I don't even want to think about all the trouble she could get into wandering around in an unfamiliar house by herself. She may not even be able to reach the light switches. I spoke to a lawyer who said I can't keep him from taking them overnight. It never even occurred to me when I had kids that someone could force me to send my toddler to a strange house, full of people I have never met, and certainly don't trust. Why did I ever have children?????<P>

Hi Nellie,<P>Oh I'm so sorry. Your post literally brought tears to my ears and made my stomach turn upside down. I know he's your children's father, but that surely can't make it any easier knowing strangers will be responsible for their well-being. My 4 year old has never been watched by anyone other than a couple of family members, and the thought of him going into a situation like that makes me ill. <BR> <BR>I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am that you're having to deal with this. I can't even pretend to imagine what it would be like. I guess you'll have to take solace in the fact that at least your little one's father will be there, and she's not going to be left alone with strangers. At least I hope not. You should definitely have the right to choose who your children can or cannot stay with. It's just not fair!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller

did you explain it that way to your H? I know he's been pretty insensitive lately, but tell him all those concerns. He knows you are a good mother, and hopefully will have some respect for your judgment.<BR>BTW, i know it might not work-asking my H to keep K away from OW certainly did not, but at least you will know you told him the truth and did your best.

This is very, very unfair and makes me angry. I hope I don't have to deal with the same situation down the road.<P>When we first separated, I did some research into custody arrangements. I seem to recall reading about making an argument for no overnights for children under 4 years old. I think a good attorney might be able to secure this kind of arrangement for you.<P>Of course, if there's any decency at all left in your husband (I know this is questionable), you should be able to talk to him about this. Can't he see how horrifying this could be for the child? Perhaps you can work a compromise or a transition plan. I don't know what you think about this, but maybe you can stay there overnight with the child at first, or spend the day there to ease the child in. Whatever the case, the child's needs come first, not your husband's. If he can't get to that level of understanding, I think you should get a cut throat attorney and go after him full force.<P>Right now, your husband is some piece of work.

Oh, Nellie: I wish I could help. I know what you're looking for...someone to say "But under Section 134 of Sub-section C of such and such Law your H has no legal right to such action." I'm no lawyer, so I can't even begin to address the legalities. I researched the legal issues of visitation for my 2-yr.-old and 2-mo.-old only a little when my H disclosed his affair and moved out for awhile.<P>All I can say is this: leave no stone unturned and no resource untapped. Call your local Women's Resource Center for information. If you breastfed for an extended period, try La Leche League. Family Services, pastor of your church, members of the congregation and community, members of H's family...anyone and everyone you could possibly turn to for counsel or assistance. If you haven't done so already, do some 'net searches on visitation, custody, separation,, etc. And at the very least, give or mail your H books such as "Putting Children First" which address children's issues in separation and divorce. I don't know what stage of separation or divorce you're in, but I strongly recommend that you find at least one trusted advisor--not necessarily your attorney--to review any documents or agreements before you sign. Don't be bullied by H's threats or maneuvers.<P>And please, Nellie, if you don't already have one, get yourself a support network. Not just a counselor who meets with you once a week, but a few trusted individuals who are really THERE for you. Someone who, should this overnight visitation come to pass as you fear it will, will be there with you to hold your hand, brew you some tea, listen to your tears, and help you through the ordeal. If I were there, I'd do it for you. My H only took my daughter for a few hours' visitation one night, and I thought I was going to fall apart. I can only imagine your fear and distress.<P>I'm not a real religious person, Nellie, but I will pray for you and your children.<P>------------------<BR>"Some women wait for something to change and nothing does change so they change themselves." Audre Lorde<BR>

Nellie-<BR>Oh do I feel for you. I am struggling with that very same things right now. My h is not living w/ OW but he has moved out. H is living in a basement apartment of two single women, one has 2yr old. Our daughter is two and he thinks that it would be good if she could interact with other children. I told him that I don't think it would be good for our daughter, she is to young to understand all of this. She still crys for her daddy every night. I can't help but wonder WHY he wants her overnight, other than to hurt me, he was never very interested in taking care of her when he was home. I keep trying to tell him that he is free to see her when ever he wants, but until she is older overnights are out of the question. I don't understand what happens to people. My h has seemed to lost all sense of everything. I will be thinking about you and praying that all of this will work out best. God is in our corner and he wants what is best for us and our children. Be Strong.<BR>cc

Nellie1,<P>I know exactly how you feel. My H is trying to convince me to let him take my 6 year old and 7 month old down to his mother's farm....which I don't have a problem with, but the OW is going to visit her family down in the same neck of the woods and I don't trust either of them. So, my only response is no....if you want to do it, go to court and order me to give you the kids. By the time that happens they will be out of danger!!<P>I feel for you!!<BR>Deb

Nellie; I don't blame you for not wanting the baby to go with him. Three years old is still a baby. Where are these mens brains anyway!