My Hs A was outed in May and he relapsed so to speak in August just after our last baby. He just a couple days ago admitted to having feelings for her and missing her. How long is it before that fades? He was going to move out in August stating that he didn't think we were god for eachother. But after going to see the OW he did a quik about face. What does anyone think about that? What does it mean when he still feels this way 6 mos after they stopped having as much contact as previously? Everytime he touches me it feels like a lie. We were trying to get pregnant when this all started. All the times we were together now disgust me. What does anyone think?

Melly

Does this mean he's still having contact w/ her?

What does it mean when he still feels this way 6 mos after they stopped having as much contact as previously?

Exactly how much contact is this? If WH has had ANY contact with OW, it resets that virtual clock. So you may be dealing with someone who's clock has been reset. When I was in 'false' recovery with WH, he did show through the fog, and the withdraw again, and from what I was told, it's not uncommon for this to happen. I realize that he is expressing that he misses the 'fantasy' of OW, but is he expressing a want to go back with her?

About the skin crawling feeling, well, that's just not good. It sounds like your LB is pretty low, if there is anything there at all. Do you still love your H? Are you two ACTIVELY getting help to work through your problems? Maybe talk a little bit more about WH's withdrawal, and his actions over the last six months.

Hey, Mellysue. I am sorry that for the way your WH is acting. Are you sure that there is no contact of any sort?
There absolutely has to be no contact for him to withdraw, much like an alcoholic, drug addict.....

Read the threads on "withdrawal".

Others will chime in shortly.

My H hasn't been in contact with OW since August to the best of my knowledge. They used to work together. He says he doesn't want to feel anything for her but he does. He says he wants to fix us. To make up for what he did baut he plays it more like I'm sorry you got hurt but it's not my fault. I just don't know what to do. It all seems so scarry. He says he'll do therapy but always backs out. We went back in May but he dropped it. I had been in therapy for 1 yr at that point and the MC said he thought my H needed IC before MC. He thought I had a pretty good idea of where we needed to be and why we weren't. This is just a level a betrayal I never expected. Thanks to everone for their help.

Melly

Hi Melly,

It can take any where from 6 weeks to 6 months to get through w/drawals.

As long as he maintain NC he'll get over his feelings for the A.

Have you thought about giving Dr. Harley a call? Maybe your WH would commit to talking to an expert MC on the phone.

He has worked miracles for many here.

I'm so sorry for all you've gone through and are going through.

You've come to the right place.

You will get alot of support here.

Keep posting.

~ Marsh

buy spector.com to make sure no contact is made via the computer. Monitor cell phone bills and watch out for extra cell phones and PO Boxes for the bills.NO CONTACT must be respected. I agree with the above, 6 months for him, from that point 2 years for you. You could also track him with GPS with wherify.com, very affordable compared to the cost of family destruction. Why he did an about face after seeing her; maybe she rejected him, maybe she threatened with a restraining order, maybe she's pregnant, maybe she's with someone else now, maybe an STD. One thing is for sure, it wasn't his morals getting the best of him, see?