I've posted this before, but I am in desperate need of a response...
This may be a little long, but please stick with me because I'm in so much pain. I have hurt my husband! We dated for 3 years and have been married for almost 9 years. We have a 7 yr old daughter. As I grew up my father constantly cheated on my mother, causing great pain and issues for me. I have been on Zoloft for a while trying to get over everything. This all happend just before my H and I got married. Over the past few years, my H would blow up at how I treat him bad. He says I talk down to him and treat him like a child. He says that I don't love him (which I do very very much). We would talk through it and he says I would be different for a week or two and then back to the old same stuff. Well, this time, he says he's done. He says he can't allow himself to be put in the same place where I step all over him again. We have an awesome friendship. We can sit and watch movies together and laugh and stuff...but he isn't sure he loves me anymore. He says he's not willing to let himself get hurt again. I have told him everything I could to show him I will not be the same old person. He's never been this serious before. He says that maybe one of us should leave for a little while to see what happends. So, I packed my bags and was going to take my daughter and myself to my mom's. My husband said it killed him to know that I was pulling my daughter out of her own bedroom/house to go somewhere else. He has no where to go. So, he told me to stay. We talked with our friends last night and they asked him if he was ready to live without me. He said he didn't know but if I have to have an answer RIGHT NOW, the answer is Yes...he's ready to live without me. But its our daughter that is holding him here. He says he's miserable. I love my husband with all my heart. I've tried so hard to be nice to him (cards, etc...) it makes him mad.He said that it makes him sick to even see me cry because I should have done it before when he actually had some feelings or emotions. He said that now he has no feelings at all; he's hard hearted and doesn't care about anything. He says its too late, I should have done that a long time ago. What do I do? HELP ME!!!!!!!! He wont talk to anyone about it so couseling is out. He just doesn't want to talk about it.. not even to me! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

Just curious as to what exactly you did all those years that drove him away.

He sounds to me like he is bitter and resentful towards you because you are finally making an effort to resolve things now that you know he is serious about leaving.

He said I would just talk to him like he's a child...like suggest a certain parking spot, or to not drum on the table with his hands, or to do something a certain way. He just can't stand that. He said I was hateful to him and would just fuss and nag him.

i am in the same boat with my wife. I love her very much and she says she hates me after 12 years of marriage and 3 kids. there is nothing more painful than hearing those words come out of her mouth. i hope you can pull it back together. Good luck

Distressed111 and Failingmarriage,

Have either of you considered that your spouses **may** be having an affair?

Often, history seems to get revised (suddenly you're a bad person and hateful) and things that are irritating but not necessary marriage-breaking (like telling your H to quit drumming his fingers on the table) become H-U-G-E in order to justify having the affair.

I hate suggesting it, but my guess is that you know in your gut if what I'm saying is happening... and I hope NOT... but it sure sounds suspicious. (Sad to say)

Keep reading, posting and listening and learning... this place can be a god-send.

I have thought about him having an affair. I don't know. I sure would hope not. A few reasons why I think he may NOT be is because a friend of his who is also married to the daughter of a friend of mine worked with him. He's now mad at my husband because of work related issues... anyway.. he says that he's not doing anything wrong at work and that he'd tell me if so! My husband works across the street from our house. I know when he's not at work and when he is. He knows I could pop into his work at any point in time (he works in a retail store). I don't know when in the world he'd find time to have an affair...and I know what you'll say.. It can happen. But I don't know.

Just an update....

Nothing here has gotten any better. I've been taking care of him, bending over backwards, because he's had kidney stones. I finally got a small, simple, quick, cold thankyou. At least I got one.
My husband mentioned last week that he thought we should stay together until after christmas (because it'll "kill" him to have to wake up christmas morning and not see his daughter get her stuff), then after christmas, he says we should seperate.
I honestly believe I have pinpointed the problem. I belive it's depression. But he will NOT go get help! He says it isn't him and he doesn't need help. I understand that, but he DOES need something. I don't know. HELP!!!! my holidays are completely ruined!