My story has an interesting twist--my H started the A 4 years ago while we lived in IL. (I had no idea of the A while in IL) We recently moved to NC supposedly for a new start...a new job in a new state a new life for us and our 3 children. I discovered the A after we moved here. When confronted he said he would end the A but now he says he wants us both and has been visiting sites on polyarmous relationships. It is a bunch of hogwash and I will not go for allowing him to justify his affair like that.
I have read the book and am in the process of plan A. Do alot of people find it hard to resist the advice from loving friends and family to just get out and leave him? It is so hard to resist the urge to take my babies and run back to IL.
Anyway--I am confused,lost,hurt,searching for advice that will help me save my marriage.

Thanks in advance for any comments.
Suzanna42

dday-oct 13 2006
BS-42
WS-40
3 children 14,13,10

Repost your original post in the Infidelity/General Question II forum. The Just Found Out forum only gets a few posts a day, whereas the General Questions II forum gets several hundred. There is quite a bit more traffic on that forum, so more people will stop by and help out. You probably won't get as many posts on the weekend, but come Monday, people will be offering you a lot of help. You are right, your husband wanting to have both you AND his lover is a load of hogwash. He is currently living in fantasy land. He is a typical "cake-eater" WH. The good news about typical "cake-eater" WHs, is that they rarely leave their wife and kids. They just try to keep their affair. They want the best of both worlds. The best way to kill these affairs is exposure to anyone who would put pressure on him to end the affair, a 2-3 month plan A where you try and meet his emotional needs as best as possible, followed by a very dark plan B (most cake-eaters won't end their affair in plan A). Most cake-eaters, however, will quickly come back after the beginning of plan B. The key to fixing a cake-eater is to stand up for yourself, set strict marital boundaries and enforce them. Repost this in the other forum and good luck.

- Jim

P.S. Look at Neak's thread in the General Questions II forum for the mindset of a typical "cake-eating" WH.

thanks for the reply,,,I will repost on the general site.