Aggressive is threatening in tone word or deed. she will see exposure as aggressive.
Assertive is setting our boundaries as to what treatment you will accept from her and you and when.
You need to work on assertiveness not aggressiveness, then you will be OK in yourself as to what you do, you have to ignore her judgement of you, rely on your own self checks.
You must be assertive about exposure when you are in plan A
Plan A is about acting in the correct manner to show her only love. So do not try to make a point. She hears you, if she gets mad, say, "Obviously you are shocked at being exposed - this anger and proitestations of unfairness is not productive, we will talk later and move away from her".
Allow her to shout or get mad on her own, do not respond in anger or fear. Just keep calm.
WS are like a fish just as it is coming into the keep net. Frantically fighting and flailing to get off the hook and avoid the net. She is in the net. So you need to realize that and do what you have to do to tighten the net on the affair.
This will help you to sort things out ….
The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A from Pepperband
The carrot of Plan A
Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.
Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.
Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.
Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.
Stop lovebusting behaviors.
Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.
Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.
Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.
Offering forgiveness and understanding.
The stick of Plan A
Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.
Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.
Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.
Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financial security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.
Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.
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Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.
SP
