I am in one of my very bad times. My husband had a long EA and a one night affair several years ago. OUr MC told him to tell me everything that he has done over the last 30 years that would impact our marriage. He confessed to the following: On a business trip he went to a secretary's room to "work", kissing and trying to make out (feeling her up).After a little of this She sent him back to his room.
Two years ago he called an old girlfriend and tried to arrange a dinner with her when he would be in her city. She
didn't go. He said schedules didn't work out.
Took a woman home from an office christmas party (many years ago) and "made out with her on the front porch, kissing and such. Her parents were in the house.
Got a prostitute while out of town. He was too drunk to....

Thinking about all of these situations, it has occured to me that, except for the affair, all of these were failures of a kind, since it didn't work out as he probably planned. He didn't think he did anything wrong since "nothing happened". I think that now he sees where these were wrong (I showed him some posts from this website), and has repented. But, now in my unbelieving mind, I realize, that perhaps he must have had some successes and is not telling me about those. I am going crazy and do not know how to approach this. He says that he has told me everything was just getting to the point of forgivness for the affair (although still having "visions")Now I am a wreck again. Should I press him again? Does he sound like he is lying?
thank you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It would be rather stupid to tell you about so many attempts. I think he is telling the truth, or he would have just denied everything.

I would ask his help in making you feel safe in the future, ie - what precautions will he put in place to keep anything from happening?

Possibly.

It's better to be a little bit caught than completely caught and the more truth lies contain the more difficult it is to sniff them out.

There are two main issues I'd like to address.

First...you'll never have the complete truth to these situations to your absolute and unquestioning satisfaction.

Second...what you DO know with complete certainty is that this is not a faithfull guy we are dealing with.

A serial cheat.

A whole different bag of potatos. He has been playing with infidelity and TRYING to fully cheat with varying degrees of success for quit a lot of time. This is a charater issue not an abberation of character and changing his entire format of what is acceptable and desireable is a bigger challenge than just getting BACK on track after a short period of waywardness.

quote: I would ask his help in making you feel safe in the future, ie - what precautions will he put in place to keep anything from happening?


I like this idea. However, I am still torn up about this. I think that He thinks that this behavior is not "so bad" as others he has seen. I still think he is hiding other things from me. thanks

It is kind of like a person intending to murder someone six different times, but the gun jammed.

No beliver, He must have got off a least one shot! Whatever, it sounds like a very dangerously game. Like how close can you get to a fire without getting burn. sadsadsad, you must be a great wife to even want to stay in this type of relationship with H. Hope you can work it out! Good-luck.

He's quite likely telling the truth as far as it goes but I don't know how much has been left out. It's an uncomfortable place to be in for you right now as you have no idea what he wanted to accomplish by talking about this. Is he expecting you to assume there where no "Successes" at all?
More talk, I think.

Thanks to all of you. There will be more talk. sago6 I am not sure I have been a great wife, but I am trying to be and have been trying for years.However I have been depressed for a lot of my married life, and husband blames most of his actions on that. he has been wonderfully kind since I found out about the affair (May 06, 20 years after the fact), willing to talk and ask forgiveness. A week before these latest revelations, I was ready to give my heart to him and forgive everything, even though my heart still hurts from the A.I have said the words, I forgive you whenever he asks forgiveness. Now I don't know. MC says he is in deception. (He says he is a christian). thanks again, just telling someone about this who have been there is a great help. God Bless
another thing, my depression was diagnosed as SADS (seasonal) since I mostly get depressed in the fall. Since finding out about the A, (It happened in the Fall) I now know where this has come from. My depression as I have known it has lifted, my anger and hurt from his actions are still there.