I also have a question for you, or for someone wise you know to try and help me answer. My girlfriend and I (pretty serious wonderful loving relationship that we are describing happily as our courtship) are slightly perplexed the issue of an ex.

He's is in one of my girlfriends close friendship groups, although they are not close friends anymore. They were childhood buddies, and had a short, but neverleless fairly sexual relationship, a little while ago (just over a year ago).

We are both strong Christians and both want grace (forgiveness) and Scripture to be our guide to the way we deal with this issue and with each other, but it is hard to know how to handle this issue.

It makes me very uncomfortable to think of them spending any time together, although I do feel sincerely confident of her love and commitment to me.

She is very understanding and although she feels that it would be inappropriate for them to hang out together alone, in groups it is fine. Will it get easier over the coming years? Do I have to let her invite him to the wedding? Does true forgiveness mean that I have to not only see them both as clean and new, but also put a lid on my unease? Is what I feel sinful and silly?

Happyman

HMM

Old flames burn the hottest. She should cut off any relationship with him. A consequence if you like of sex-before-marriage for your fiance. He represents a clear and present danger to your relationship.

I agree with Big K- all contact with former lovers should be avoided.

My FWS had an affair in 2005 with his old high school girlfriend.

It is best to break all contact

She would be happy to do that (break all contact). The trouble is, he is one of a group of about 4-5 childhood friends who celebrate birthdays, weddings, etc together. So cutting contact with him would potentially mean cutting contact with a group of friends who are really special to her. We both know and agree that cutting contact with the ex is the right way to handle it, but in practice, that means paying a really high cost.

My last desire if for her to resent me for (unintentionally) putting pressure on her to not see those friends, but at the same time, it's rather awkward and tends to overshadow - what should be joyful fun times of celebration. I find myself dreading these times.

Happyman