Norm,

Glad to hear it about you and your wife.

Most of the time i leave the cooking to my wife, but i clean up. I've cleaned the sprinform many of times.

Funny thing: sometimes while I'm talking to my wife i can see all the names here telling me what to say and do or not do. It helps.

Keep up the good work

m2L

I don't want to fall into the trap of "everything is great and now I can tell everyone else how to be like me."

My wife is OVER OM and wants to be with me, in our home and work on us. So how to do it???

This weekend my wife is talking hard about another baby. This would make our 3rd. I told her that I think we need to talk about a lot of other things first. I don't want her having another EA or A with a baby in the picture. So we need to get past that part. I don't want a rebound baby, even if it is mine.

We also need to cover the O&H issues. I have learned to talk very H about my feelings and I don't project any feeings on her or from her. Hers are hers. I feel like I need to show her how to do that with me.

My wife keeps lots of her feelings to herself and I told her that I don't know how she feels if she doesn't tell me. So she opened up some. She thinks things between us are much better and that she likes the changes I've made concerning our kids. Much better!!

The last point I made was that I want a good, if not great, marriage and I don't want to be just good room mates with kids.

So, how to move closer together and build on what has happened? We are going in the right direction and I don't want to stop.

thanks
M2L

I would say you should get her on board completely with the marriage builders program. Get her to read SAA, HNHN, etc., go to counseling and work out any last issues between the two of you, and maybe even get her to come check out these message boards with FWW in her signature (that's right, I gave her an F). Maybe I could use some perspective from her about my WW. As far as the baby talk, I would use the POJA to probably decide to put off the discussion for 6 months, and then bring it back up seriously. Good for you, M2L!

[color:"red"] this is critical
one usually can get by surviving infidelity without MC
but it is my strong belief based on
personal experience
and
observation of hundreds of marriage recoveries
that in order for the marriage to move forward in a way that does NOT drag the adultery along for the ride

I URGE you to call Harleys and to councel with them
and attend one of their seminars (if possible)

recovery is HARDER than stopping the affair

you may not believe me now
but I assure you
I am correct

GET HELP early in recovery
without waiting until too many recovery mistakes are made

it is time to start removing defenses
not creating new ones (which is the usual early recovery mis-step)

Pep [/color]

Yep..my vote, too, is for "COACHING" with Steve Harley.."He can help us with our marriage-building strategies"....even give him a call yourself if your FWW does not want to participate at first...

I would back off of encouraging her TO READ or to come to the WEBSITE...

Absolutely agree.

Wish we had had that opportunity when we went through it instead of stumbling through it as we did. But through perseverance together we have made it work.

It doesn't sound like she is really out of the WS woods yet, just changed targets. A vs. another baby. Call Jennifer C @ MB. She is great at working with the XwsW.

No more life changing decisions while someone is in a questionable recovery stage. To go from one extreme to the other c/b deadly to her. Remember the A was a symptom of the addiction that invaded her heart and mind.

L.

M2L sorry if i TJ here but what do you do when you live in another country where people dont really understand or apply MB principles? what do you do?

Thanks all,

I mean it. I have learned to listen to the pros.

We talked more about a baby and thought it best to wait 6 months then decide. Too big of a step.

My wife is on board with me and helping me now with my hurt from this. She HATES her fog talk and stops me if I bring it up. She wants to change all phone numbers just in case OM calls.

It is very nice to see her eyes agian. You know what I mean.

I don't want to bring her here right now. This is my place for now. She said to me the other day "isn't that guy you talked to on the phone good?" I said yes he can show new ways and ideas to help people like us, will you talk with him? She didn't rule it out like before so I think I can get her to do it.

My wife is very open and we are talking O&H about all things. She feels she F'd up big time and doesn't ever want to go there agian. She said that she can see now that when one person in a M is down then the other person needs to help them back up.

I'm talking Tuesday afternoon off for one last day of shopping and she is so happy that we will have time alone with no kids.

thank you all very much, you have been a marriage saver.

M2L

What makes you think that they understand or apply MB principles in this country? MB principles are universal. There are people on this board from all over the world, many in countries that value marriage even less than the US.

Most of the people I exposed to didn't see how that would help my situation. They didn't understand why I was trying to save my marriage. They thought it was over. You apply the same MB principles and taylor a plan for your situation.