...is it always a rebound, and therefore doomed to failure?

I am currently in a relationship with an old friend that unfortunately I feel is going nowhere (so a definite YES in my case) but I ask merely out of curiosity.

Has anyone got it right the first time after a major breakup? And, if so, HOW?

Thank you.

Alph.

No, I don't believe so. Guess like trying on a new outfit it takes a few times to find the right fit. But it would be nice to be so lucky! I guess it does happen. just my 2 cent.

Hi Alphin. I had my first serious relationship after my divorce.. I thnk a year down the line, it was very real to me, she is thai and I am malaysian. We confess online.She even came down and we met u with the brother at the port(her bro is a captain of some ship) it was in THAI's way . serious. I was serious too. BUT... communication is an issue, and as I did some research into it, some navy men who marries foreign women who speaks lil, would bring them back to their country and by the time they learn their language.. they turn out to be like any other women.. nag nag nag... and found out how incompatible they were. but that's another story. Anyhow.. I broke off mine becoz I was too hurt with another incident DURING my divorce proceedings with my ex. I felt it was unfair to her(the thai girl), I was emotionally unstable, lost, I felt she deserves better and I HAVE TO GET BACK TO MY CAVE. By the time I got out.. I came to my senses.. about having a relationship with someone and the only communication between us is I love yous and I miss yous.. nope.. that does not cut it. but it WAS beautiful.... that feeling. She felt she wasn't my rebound. Well I also prayed abt it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> So yea.. it did not work out on my first one

Also I would like to add.. some ppl jusyt can;t stand being alone for a long time... While for me, I am a loner, my tolerance level on being alone is much higher than others etc. WHile my bro... would jump from one relationship to another in no time. I felt in that sense, he hasn;t had enuff time for himself and really learn from prev relationship. But that's what I think. So for ppl who has been alone and being comfy abt being alone.. I think they have a higher chance of not having are rebound. I think haing a relationship with God helps a lot. He can be your rebound, I dun mean this in a rude way ok? Just a thought.

Me too.I feel really secure and fine being on my own.There'a a big difference between being alone and lonely.But I often wonder too how my first "date after D" will go.I don't think they all will be rebounds as long as you have had enough time to heal and be secure in your own skin.

I love the idea of a romance again.Alph maybe it just wasn't the best idea to restart a relationship with an "old friend".How was that relationship in the past? Why did it end?

AmericanBeauty, Yes I love that part of the dating ritual! But jumping into a relationship and then another isn't for me. If I date someone and it doesn't work out, I feel that we may still be able to be friends. Plus, we need the "healing time" and if we don't wait long enough (and I believe that is different for each person) I don't believe that relationship will get the chance it should deserves. But yes, can't wait (but I must) for the romance, it's the best part of dating!

What's a ppl? and yes some people can't stand being alone at all and this should be a red flag for you! You may want to be careful about people "rushing" into a relationship!

Hi AmericanBeauty,

It wasn't an 'old' relationship, but a friendship that we'd shared since childhood which developed into something more after my divorce.

I think I was looking for someone I shared a history with, as my ex and I had such a happy history which he destroyed by leaving me for another woman and telling me he'd never been happy.

Now I just want to be on my own (with my girls, of course). I feel bad that it's taken my friend to make me realise that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I think that it takes that 'rebound' relationship to make you understand a lot of stuff about yourself. It's sure not fair on the 'victim', though.

Alph.

Alphin... u know what they say about ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR... I still do not understand this quote.. someone care to explain? how this came about?

It's bull; Shakespeare, I believe, but still bull. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Written by someone in the fog, I reckon. Yup, the Bard was an adulterer, too!

Alph.

HAHAH, thks for teling me that.. I tot it was bull too. but being chinese we always think there may be a deeper meaning behind it all, trying to figure out the time it was spoken etc... putting it into context

Not Shakespeare. Lyly in 1570's.

"People in love and soldiers in wartime are not bound by the rules of fair play"

From quick research it was apparently Lyly's style to use a structure of opposing ideas. Thus, love and war. In the context of the story, Eupheus, while the hero steals away the love of his friend's betroathed, he later repents.

So, anyone using all fair in love and war to justify infidelity is using it out of context.

Cool!, thanks I always hated that quote!