Hello all,
I've been lurking here since I discovered WH having an A of some kind with a coworker on 11/21. I found they had exchanged 400 text messages in less than three weeks, and when asked who he was texting with previously, he'd only mentioned two male friends from work.

I confronted WH on 11/24 with the cell records and my meticulous calculations of times, dates and phone calls/texts. After much discussion he admitted to a possible EA (but without attraction to her).
Some of their texting sessions were marathons-- 2 hours one Friday night from 12am to 2am with 75 msg from her and 80 from him. When asked about the content of these texts, he says he doesn't know what they could have been talking about.

Then he went and changed his password on his online cell account (which I then retrieved and am still monitoring). But here's where it gets tricky. Some calls are no longer showing up on the online billing. He made at least one call to his male coworker/friend/partner-in-crime on Friday night when I was in the room, and received calls on Sat. and Sun. from same friend (I saw the guy's name pop up on caller id on WH's cell phone). But there is no record of these calls online.

Records also show him calling his voicemail several times a day now, which he rarely did before. What has he done to his phone? Set up a new line elsewhere w/ call forward? Please help me figure this one out. Sure doesn't seem like someone with nothing to hide, does it?

Oh, one more weird thing... last month's billing statement has completely disappeared from the online site as well. Good thing I printed it out!

A little more info...
Married for 8.5 years. 3 kids 7,5 and 2

It definately sounds like something is going on. You only cover tracks when you are hiding something.

Thanks for the reply, DF. I agree.

I just noticed this on his cell plan: "Call Forward Conditional". Don't know why I never saw that before. Will have to investigate that a bit.

You already know enough to know you are dealing with an A. More info is good if you can get it, but you at least have proof of that much.

What info do you have about her? Do you know who she is? Can you call his voice mailbox and listen to his messages? A keylogger on his computer will tell you lots, too.

Don't bother trying to confront him with details. He will just try and argue the minutiae. Instead, make more general statements. "I know you are having an affair with her." "I know you are having a large amount of communication with her."

Be prepared for lies and denials, not to mention plenty of badgering about how you know all this. Hold firm, and don't reveal your sources. If he finds out how you know, he will go farther underground and be harder to catch.

Your focus needs to be on a good Plan A, followed by a firm Plan B. Give your kids lots of attention, too. WS's are grouchy with everyone, even their own offspring.

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but you could not be in a better place.

Here's what I googled -

::
What is "conditional" call forwarding?

Conditional call forwarding redirects incoming calls according to the specific call circumstance:

Forward if busy redirects incoming calls to the desired number when you are already on the phone
Forward if not answered redirects incoming calls to the desired number if you do not answer, normally within 15 seconds
Forward if out of reach redirects incoming calls to the desired number if the phone is switched off or is outside of the coverage area


So your husband is a bit smarter than the average cheater. It sounds like it IS an emotional affair, and don't buy the "no attraction" statement. These calls are obviously very important to him. He is willing to be tricky and lie to you.

How often is he away from home? Do you have any idea who the other woman is? From the hours you listed, it sounds like she may be married.

figureitout,

The most common "conditional call forwarding" is to send unanswered calls to voice mail. On most systems, the voice mail box is attached to a "pilot number" which gets calls redirected to it when a call is not answered. All GSM systems work like this as do UMTS systems (which are derived from GSM even though they use WCDMA.)

As for calls not showing up in call records, it may be possible for a call to be delayed by as much as a full billing cycle. Particularly when the call is made/received near the end of the billing cycle and under certain circumstances. Also, a call not answered (allowed to go to VM) may not show up and neither would an unanswered outbound call. Those details actually do exist, but are not part of the customers "published" call records, since they are basically not completed calls and have no bearing on the bill.

If you happen to live in Illinois and the phone is with the little orange guy, I may be able to pull the account up and look at it. If you already have access, I can't likely get any more detail than you can get online.

You might also be able to go into a dealer and see if you can get a detailed bill reprint. Just try bluffing your way through it. ... "I think my husband's bill is getting out of hand. Work is calling him all the time and our phone bill is outrageous. Could you maybe print out the last 3 or 4 bills for me so I can show him how much his job is costing us?" You will need phone number, perhaps ss number and any billing password he may have in place. I suggest that you NOT go to the store where he is a customer, but find someplace else to try.

FWIW and if you are willing to pay, you can find a lot of info from various "investigators" on line, though a lot of law suits are underway against them right now to stop them from selling records.

If you are in IL and with the orange company, my email is in my profile.

Mark

Thank you so much, Mark! Your info could explain some of what's going on, and will help as I monitor in the future (he knows I got his cell use info from online before, but I don't think he knows I have the new password). Very grateful!

Neak and believer, thanks for your replies. believer, I do know who the OW is, and she is married with 3 small children also. Just some of what they have in common! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> How she is able to get away for happy hours and late night (4am) partying sessions, I'll never know... her h must be clueless.

Neak, your message helps me to remember not to get too caught up in playing amateur detective, because you're right. I already know enough. Need to work on Plan A. Stop LBing. Hope for the best... He says he's stopped texting and is trying to keep their relationship on a professional level. We'll see...

figure,

I would guess that he is getting a new prepaid cell phone line or using a prepaid call card

why is it that you can't do a reverse lookup on cell phone numbers? You can do it on landlines but not cell number? Would you know Mark?

Cymanca-- we must have been posting at the same time! There is a $135 credit on his account (just noticed it today). If he is going the prepaid route why would some calls (mine, a few others) be showing up on the online bill and some not?

figureitout: does possible WH make any phone calls on your landline phone? And if so, are you checking into this as well. sometimes they make little mistakes and will think you will not catch it! I know so little on texting, so not sure if I can be of any help.

Okay, just keep checking. The thing that will end this the fastest is exposing what is happening to her husband. Be very careful, and don't let your husband know that you are going to do this. It would be very helpful to get some proof that this is an affair, so they can't claim they are "just friends".

After that, one of them will have to work for another job. But that is for later.

If he is then keep track of how fast he goes thru his credits on the cell! Not sure if that might help? I have a prepaid phone and you wouldn't believe how fast they go and I only use it for my children and sometimes for my job.

Did you read the post about the SIM card reader?

I think you can get the actual text messages with a reader and a computer.

Definitely worth doing!

Yes, thanks Lexxxy-- I've got a SIM card reader on order and a free trial of data recovery software (I'll check in w/ info re: how much is available for free-- I'm guessing I'll still have to shell out the $69 for the full version of Sim Card Recovery 2.0.1.5-- downloadable from http://www.freedownloadscenter.com/Utilities/Backup_and_Copy_Utilities/Sim_Card_Recovery.html and other places.)
WH is out of town, but will practice on my own card before I have access to his in a few days.

Here's where my mind is now. If content of texts is truly on a "just friends" level, at least I will know he isn't lying. Then I can work on recovery from EA... actually, IC for me re: how to deal with emotional abuse and how to get him into IC for anger management. But at the same time working on my own LB habits. Oy!

And if the content of the texts proves him to be a liar, then it's on to Plan A. (and still the IC for me).

I just feel like I *have* to find out what was in those 400 messages about "nothing"! Seinfeldian-- perhaps... but intuition says no. Besides, less than $100 for hardware and software beats the digital voice recorder and private [censored] routes anyway.

Update: I've had success at reading my own SIM card with the ZIO fonemate SIM card reader/manager ( http://www.amazon.com/ZiO-FoneMate-SIM-Card-Manager/dp/B00062WV18 ) in conjunction with Simcon software ( http://www.simcon.no/ ) and will try on wh's card as soon as I get the opportunity.

Reporting is good, but here's the bummer thing I've learned: at best, SIM cards can only store 30 SMS (text) messages at a time. This can be any combination of inbox, outgoing, or deleted messages. So much for learning the content of his messages with OW from last month-- he's sent and received 30 msgs in the past 2 days alone (several with me!)

Still will be worth the money, and I can use it going forward in conjunction with his cell co's online billing to monitor his substantial telecom activities. Wish me luck <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

PS, see also http://www.forensicswiki.org/wiki/SIM_Card and
http://www.e-evidence.info/cellular.html

Here is an excellent article on getting to know everything about your WS' cell phone:
http://www.cyberlies.com/cheating-spouse-articles/cell-phone-spy.htm