My wife wanted seperation and I completely removed myself from the children and her for two months.

I have very very strong self destructive behavior when faced with something like that.

I know this isn't really pointed towards what you said but I just wanted you to understand that there are many reasons for the things people do.

wouldn't have insisted she take the baby.

It's impossible to overemphasize the importance of narcissists' lack of empathy. It colors everything about them. I have observed very closely some narcissists I've loved, and their inability to pay attention when someone else is talking is so striking that it has often seemed to me that they have neurological problems that affect their cognitive functioning. These are educated people with high IQs, who've had ordinary middle-class backgrounds and schooling, and their thinking is not only illogical but weird: with narcissists, you have to know them pretty well to understand their behavior.

What do you want?



This I understand but if you are able to hurt yourself, would you hurt other people?



this I understand, but that person should go slow when reviewing these "reasons"

But here is how I feel about this issue.

First let me thank you for your honestly, But I am sorry but what you did (leave) is something that I could never do. In fact ex tried so many times to get me to leave. Told me to go, made my life a living ******! Treated me like ******! And what would my children think about me leaving them with her! And the list goes on and on. But I knew that if I left what would happen to my children. This person can’t even take care of her needs; no way would my children’s needs be fulfilled. She would not allow me to see my children and only God knows what else! So I just suffered in silence. Well she is now the one that left. Her children hate her! Will not see, talk or visit her. And yes, I would have been in her shoes if I was the one to leave! I am sorry but I think it was wrong for you to leave. People who leave their family’s home and children have a harder time getting custody of the children (not sure if this issue concerns you?) that they leave behind. One last thing about the possibility of leaving my children. And that is it would have destroyed me! Yes, I would hate myself for leaving them! Better to put a gun to my head then leave my children. I can’t go 24 hours without some can of contact with my children, (about my baby I know that I have no control, this is something the courts will have to review and and give me a judgment on) my two boys! In short I never, never had the option of leaving my children. Some can leave and other can’t! I understand those that can’t but will never understand those that can. Again thank you for your input!

She made my life a living ******, no matter what I did it was wrong or not good enough. Also, my wife lied to me about cheating previously. I was very untrusting and asked her ex about it when he was down for my stepdaughter's soccer game.

my stepdaughter's soccer game.

HOW OLD are your children? WHY are you showing them a website dealing with infidelity, divorce, and all manner of other issues?

now understand you were not married to the children's mother.

How do you know the children's mother has NPD? Was she diagnosed by a professional or by you?

Narcissists are generally not candidates for conventional analytical treatment, since psychological analysis is a dialogue and narcissism is a soliloquy. Because of narcissists' incapacity for genuine relationship, their treatment tends to be of the "Band-Aid" variety that deals with specific acute difficulties, such as depression, which can be treated with drugs. Part of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the conviction is that "I'm okay, it's everybody else who's not okay," so narcissists rarely seek treatment voluntarily. Some wait until they are in such bad shape that they require hospitalization. Because narcissists' self-image is so scanty and fragile, they depend on the reflection of themselves in others' perception to be aware of themselves; sometimes it is really as if these people do not have bodies, have no real material existence. Therefore, social isolation, such as comes following the loss of a job, the failure of a marriage, or the alienation of friends and family, has swift and terrible effects on narcissists. Their thinking quickly deteriorates into chaotic incoherency and disorganization. For this reason, when they do receive treatment, the therapists' first order of business is to restore and fortify the narcissists' ego defenses -- i.e., the therapist must help the narcissist recover the habitual grandiose and self-obsessed self-image. When reasonably recovered, the narcissist usually leaves therapy before any work can be done on the underlying personality disorder. prime characteristic of narcissists is believing that they are always right no matter what, narcissists are extremely resistant to change and, unfortunately, tend to get worse as they get older

I'm just asking because, to be quite honest, I left an abusive husband who would rather LOOK RIGHT than GET RIGHT. I begged and pleaded for change, with no relief in sight, until I planned my escape, and packed my things and moved when he was at work one day.

Your demand that she immediately leave at night when she told you she wanted to leave you, your not wanting her to use the house phone (that presumably she helped pay for?), make all of my red flags and lights go off. I apologize if I am reading you wrong, but this post is making all my red lights and flags go off.

I do not mean to offend you. However, the type of input someone provides on a board such as this is to some extent colored by their own perceptions and experiences, until we provide more information to explain.

-- The incidence of NPD is estimated at 1% in the general population, though I haven't been able to discover the basis of this estimate.

-- Narcissists rarely enter treatment and, once in treatment, progress very slowly. We're talking about two or more years of frequent sessions before the narcissist can acknowledge even that the therapist is sometimes helpful. It's difficult to keep narcissists in treatment long enough for improvement to be made -- and few people, narcissists or not, have the motivation or the money to pursue treatment that produces so little so late.

-- Because of the influence of third-party payers (insurance companies), there has been a strong trend towards short-term therapy that concentrates on ameliorating acute troubles, such as depression, rather than delving into underlying chronic problems. Narcissists are very reluctant to open up and trust, so it's possible that their NPD is not even recognized by therapists in short-term treatment. Purely anecdotal evidence from correspondents and from observations of people I know indicates that selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitors, such as Prozac, aggravate narcissists' grandiosity and lack of social inhibition. It has also been suggested that self-help literature about bolstering self-esteem and getting what you want out of life or that encourages the feeling of victimization has aggravating effects on NPD thinking and behavior.

-- Most clinical writers seem unaware that narcissists' self-reports are unreliable. This is troubling, considering that lying is the most common complaint about narcissists and that, in many instances, defects of empathy lead narcissists to wildly inaccurate misinterpretations of other people's speech and actions, so that they may believe that they are liked and respected despite a history of callous and exploitative personal interactions.

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy.[jma: NPD first appeared in DSM-III in 1980; before that time there had been no formal diagnostic description. Additionally, there is considerable overlap between personality disorders and clinicians tend to diagnose mixes of two or more. Grandiosity is a special case, but lack of empathy and exploitative interpersonal relations are not unique to NPD, nor is the need to be seen as special or unique. The differential diagnosis of NPD is made on the absence of specific gross behaviors. Borderline Personality Disorder has several conspicuous similarities to NPD, but BPD is characterized by self-injury and threatened or attempted suicide, whereas narcissists are rarely self-harming in this way. BPD may include psychotic breaks, and these are uncharacteristic of NPD but not unknown. The need for constant attention is also found in Histrionic Personality Disorder, but HPD and BPD are both strongly oriented towards relationships, whereas NPD is characterized by aloofness and avoidance of intimacy. Grandiosity is unique to NPD among personality disorders, but it is found in other psychiatric illnesses. Psychopaths display pathological narcissism, including grandiosity, but psychopathy is differentiated from NPD by psychopaths' willingness to use physical violence to get what they want, whereas narcissists rarely commit crimes; the narcissists I've known personally are, in fact, averse to physical contact with others, though they will occasionally strike out in an impulse of rage. It has been found that court-ordered psychotherapy for "http://www.mentalhealth.com/mag1/p5h-pe01.html" actually increases their recidivism rate; apparently treatment teaches psychopaths new ways to exploit other people. Bipolar illness also contains strong elements of grandiosity. See more on \l "gra" and \l "emp" below.]The disorder begins by early adulthood and is indicated by at least five of the following:

Their lives are impoverished and sterile; the price they pay for their golden fantasies is high: they'll never share a dream for two.

the type of input someone provides on a board such as this is to some extent colored by their own perceptions and experiences, until we provide more information to explain.

Maybe your W and my ex are sister?



The child is not your daughter? If not then yes I agree you should have left. I know under those Circumstances I would have left myself. And I am not sure if I would return. Any other contact would be only by phone. Yes, I can understand how this would make me very upset! Would I stay in contact with my stepchild, very hard question to answer for many reasons....

We also have a son that is ours. I feel the same connection with my stepdaughter as my son. She is no different to me.