Hi all. I hope this is the correct place to post this. My D-day was Oct 8, 2006. My W and I have been married for 16 years and have been together 24. My W had told me a year ago that this guy she works with who was flirting with her. Of course I was concerned but she assured me that I had nothing to worry about. Well, come to find out that this past Aug. she for some reason decided to accept his advances and pursue an affair with him. I found some emails that she sent to him. That's how I discovered it. I remember reading them, I thought my heart was going to pound through my chest. So I naturally went into search mode. In her dresser I found a note to the OM and also I found a note from another co-worker of hers describing a home made video tape of herself that she made and gave to him. So that was nice, I found out two horrible things in one night. She admitted having the PA with the first guy, and assured me that nothing happened PA with the second guy. She just called it flirting. I call it sick. Then a few weeks later I found some discs in her drawer and loaded them up on my computer. What I saw was pictures of the lower half of two people having sex. After about a week of her saing that she doesn't remember who they are of or how they even got there, she admitted that they were pictures of some guy at a gym that we belonged to whom she "flirted" with and he sent them to her email address. Bam, there's three things I have to deal with. I still love my wife and I do think that we can work it out.I think she is remorseful but she kind of just wants to ignore it all. I have seen a counselor twice now. A little history on myself though. 12 years ago I had an A, and I thought that we worked it out. I asked her if this was revenge, but she told me no. Her explanation for this A was that she was curious to be with someone else. I mean the OM told her right up front that he didn't want any kind of relationship. Oh well, just thought I'd share. This all sucks.

trgol99

Sorry you have to be here but you are in the right place.

Start out by reading everything you can on this site. Begin with "For newly betrayed spouses" in Just Found Out and the links on the side on Dr. Harley's basic concepts and the Most Important Emotional Needs. All those links will be helpful.
Another good resource is Dr. Harley's book titled "Surviving An Affair" (SAA).

Right now, keep seeing your counselor and learn everything you can from this site.

Once again-sorry you have to be here, but you are in good company.

Hello,

I am sorry for your pain. First of all you both need to be tested for STD's. Second, this is a lot more than a one night stand. You wife has been having sex with different men and putting them on videotape. This goes way beyond the norm. Claiming she was curious allowed herself to be able to have videotape sex with different men. The chances are that there could have been more. It is unusual to be such an exhibitionist. I think you need to protect yourself. It sounds like any time someone flirts with her now she goes and videotapes sex with these men. What is wrong with this picture? What have been the consequences to her actions? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Again there is something very sick going on with your wife. Please get tested as soon as possible. I am sure there is even more to the story than what you know. The fact that your wife says she does not even know who the men are in the video she was having sex with or how the videos happened is simply beyond belief. I honestly would consider seeing an attorney to protect yourself and understand your options. This is really sick and your health is at great risk.

Post your story on the Infidelity/General Questions forum. There are several hundred posts a day on that forum as opposed to about 20 on this forum. You will get a lot more answers if you post there. I only check out the Just Found Out Forum to direct newbies like yourself to the right place. The first thing you need to do is read SAA. Secondly, you and your wife need to fill out the EN questionnaire. Your wife needs to be an open book to prevent future occurences from happening, and she needs to get counseling for her sexual addiction. Finally, you need MC with the right counselor. The wrong one will only make things worse. Start off by giving Dr. Harley a call. He is more effective than most. He is the best.

Oh, and get tested NOW for STDs.

Actually the tape was just of herself for this other guy. I will repost this on the correct forum. Thank you.