LT~

How did the Christmas party go?
I'm right there with you. I'm pretty quiet myself in a group setting, or in general until I feel out my surroundings.
I always envy those who have the gift to gab, or that are comfortable in a big group.

K.

I'm going to a school Concernt. M is not coming and I can't blame him. School concerts are best enjoyed by blood relatives.

I like the challenge idea. I have my own challenge. I'm going to try to believe I deserve M. Then, I'm going to do my part in this relationship by getting in shape. M says things like "Do you really think I care?" Well, of course I think he cares how I look! I'm not an idiot. I don't think it's of primary importance to him, but if I really pack on the pounds, he'll be unhappy.

Can I just tell you all how much I HATE and RESENT being in love? I have a love-hate relationship with hit. At any minute it could go up in smoke. I used to think once you were engaged or married, you didn't have to worry so much. Now, I know better. It's scary.

It's also fun.

Got to run. Love you girls! And I see men in your future.

The future is a very, very long time.

Early this year, divorced friends and I saw a psychic. She said, this is your year to meet someone. But with your luck/timing, it will likely happen at the very end of the year.
Now, there are only 12 days left in the year. Think positive thoughts ladies.

GG, I can't even imagine the feeling of being in love. It sounds great from this side of the fence. And, I can't imagine you heavy, so I'm sure you are exaggerating. But, I would seem to gain weight in a relationship, too, perhaps with the same thoughts of "I don't deserve this"

You'll see us in our Christmas card soon in your mailbox.

Men? Bah-humbug!
I just don't see it happening. Not here anyway.
Newly, we need to set the challenge and quick! The end of the year?? You better work it girl!

Happy for ya GG! Hope the concert was great. And, you're so right. If personal interest lacks at these events, they can be really hard to sit thru.

K.

Hi K, I wanted to respond to what you said on GDP's thread:


I finally started getting a bunch of matches on e-harmony after the last time I wrote to them and then adjusted my settings from the whole world to within 200 miles (I live in a fairly remote area). I think the reality of on-line dating is that there are a lot of men out there in our areas, in our age ranges, who meet our basic criteria, but it takes getting to know someone at least a little to find out if we're compatible. It will probably take many months to find someone who feels like a keeper, that is if our egos can take it for that long.

GG, I totally get what you're saying about being in love. I felt the same way with Mr. 11 weeks. It felt so good but at the same time so scary, and when it ended abruptly it was like what I imagine it would be like going through withdrawal from a drug, with mood swings, cravings, not eating, not sleeping. Yuck! And I'm actually thinking about allowing myself to risk being hurt like that again?!

I see men in our futures, too, but will they be the "happily ever after" kind? That's the real question!

K, Thanks for asking about the party. It went really well. Everyone seemed to like my speech, I got a lot of compliments on my dress, the band played and people danced until they ran out of dance music, the food was great, I had very few no-shows. All in all it was a great success!

I think you're right LT, but I can't bring myself to even exchange pleasantries with some of these guys. I can't do it. If they're my height or shorter, gone.
Smoker, gone.
10 yrs older than me, gone. [think about it, that's 10 or so yrs younger than my mother]
And the list goes on.
Maybe it comes down to I'm not ready or I'm afraid.
Afraid of allowing myself to be vulnerable to someone else.
I don't know. All I do know is, it feels good to not feel pain where a man is concerned. I know that's not the right attitude, but it's honest.

I'm glad you're party went so well. I bet you gave a nice one! Good way to end out this past year.

K.

K, you know I relate to this, too!

I think we have to be discerning. I'm 5'4", but I pretty much rule out anyone under 5'8". I also rule out smokers and anyone more than 5 years older than I am. I've actually never dated anyone older except Mr. 11 who was 2 weeks older. I don't think this means we're afraid. As for not ready... well, are we ever? I know I'm a "work in progress" and there will always be room for improvement!

[quote]If they're my height or shorter, gone.
Smoker, gone.
10 yrs older than me, gone. [think about it, that's 10 or so yrs younger than my mother][quote]

I have those criteria and more. Similar education and station in life are also important in how you view the world, and what we want in a mate.

I went to happy hour last night (a once a year event) and the group told me I need to date, and were brainstorming about where I can go, what I can do. And one of my employees offered to rewrite my profile. He's 35 and married, but logs on to match for his single friends, so he's seen the profile.

For those of us out here with kids, a NMNKs really has a hard time understanding our lives, and our stresses.

So, how can we be discerning, yet approachable?

LT~
I've only once dated someone a year older than myself. The others were my age or younger. So what does this info tell us? [And I was 2 days older than Mr 5!]
Are we supposed to go out on a limb and date older? Not sure I'm prepared for that.

Newly~
When your friends get it figured out where you're supposed to go and how to do this, let us know. I always enjoy it when people tell us what we're supposed to be doing. It happens to me often.
NMNK's guy scares me, just as much as a divorced man that's 48-50 with NK's. How could they ever understand?

K.

K, How interesting that you're like me in that... Most of the guys who contact me are older and I'm trying to be open minded about it. They're also not good looking enough, IMNSHO. I'm trying to be open minded about that, too.

newly, I agree with similar education and station in life, too. This was one of the main issues for me with XBF (not Mr. 11 weeks), who BTW, K, was 8 years younger.

I've been talking to a friend about it and for now, I'm going to respond to more of the guys who contact me, for practice, if nothing else. Did you see the book that came out last year about the woman who dated every man who asked her out and eventually got married? I can't remember the title but read a review on a plane trip. She was trying to get away from her stereotypes of the perfect guy I think and be more open to possibilities.

Yesterday, same friend told me she saw Mr.11 weeks and she felt like he purposely avoided eye contact. Her assessment: "He's not okay!" He might not have seen her, who knows, but given his sudden 180, it's easy to believe he might not be ok. I haven't heard anything from mutual friend and don't plan to ask. The funny thing was, when I thought of 11 and W splitting, it actually made me nervous, like I'd rather not have to be faced with the possibility again...

Funny you mention this....I was considering asking you if you would consider going out with him again should he decide to give it another try.
I for a long time felt that if my guy came back, I would, no questions asked. But, as time has passed, I'm not so sure. They work in the same office, so they will always be facing each other. That was one of his claims, he had to see her everyday. Although, while we were dating, he told me that wasn't an issue for him, but was for her.
Truthfully, I don't think either of our guys are happy. But, they went back to the known. No growth in that.

Another funny, my ltr was 7 yrs younger than me. Interesting eh?

I did hear of the woman you're speaking of. That took a lot of courage. She found her one though didn't she?!

K.

Hi K, I don't really know what would happen if Mr.11 wanted to give it another try. Since he's now married, he'd first have to be divorced and this time, "friendship" with XW/former XGF (who he'd "never" get back together with) would be out of the question - just like now friendship with me is out of the question in their relationship! He told me we were friends now, but agreed when I said, "But I can't talk to you." Looking back, he was always more protective of her feelings than mine. Chalk it up to another book title "He's Just Not That In To You!"

How about you? I'm assuming it would be similar. Mr. 5's GF, the one it didn't bother him to be around, would clearly be a much bigger issue!

Yes, the woman who wrote that book about dating everyone who asked her out did eventually get married. She seemed to have 100's of men ask her out, a veritable smorgasbord! I'm lucky to get a side dish or two...

And yes, that's interestingly coincidental about your LTR!

Be happy about a side dish, I'm getting crumbs.
They guys at work are now brainstorming ideas, and are trying to rewrite my profile.

Hey, newly, if they come up with any good ideas, be sure to share them here. This internet dating is a whole new world for all of us!

I hope it's okay if I join in this thread! I was laughing because you have dated younger men. Well, I'm 47, and ever since my divorce, I LOVE older men. I'm talking men in their early 50's....I LOVE gray hair...the thick kind, not the balding type. But I am totally attracted to the more mature, older mentality (and hopefully they're past the mid life crisis stage). I am going to try e-harmony again next summer. I am two years away from all kids being in college, so I'm thinking of trying again summer 2007. Am looking for a spiritual, Christian type, and don't know if I'll find that on match or yahoo. I enjoy following your adventures and hope that someday I'll have something to add.
Take care.
KK

kk~

Glad you joined!

I've been thinking about what you've said, and maybe you have a good point. Could be that they could be more settled. I admit, I kind of like the hair too!

I don't know where you live, but I have a guy here that sounds like who you're looking for. Very nice guy, good job, good family guy, he's even nice looking! He especially meets your desire for the spiritual/Christian type. Isn't that the way though......they're never where we need them?

Sounds like you have your life on track!

Come back! I don't know that you will learn anything from our adventures, as it seems like we 3 are racing for the title of no possibilities.

K.

Hi All! I've been reading & wanting to join in but even now don't have much time.

I wonder too if the right man will cross my path. I'd like to think I'm open to whom ever it may be. I feel ready & don't think I'm picky, but still, dating does feel foreign. It's disheartening to go on date after date yet not find someone I really want to continue seeing.

What I finds happens with me is I date someone, think he's fine, would go on a second date. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't, but I've not been truly struck by anyone yet.

I said yet so I'm hopeful!

kk, Me, too, but for me, they're younger men, LOL! So glad you joined, us. The more the merrier!


Ouch, K!

nams, good to see you here too. I know what you mean about dating someone who seems "fine" but nothing special. I was talking to someone today about how she met her current absolutely wonderful boyfriend. She said they'd known each other for a year at a singles club they attended before she paid any attention to him. On-line dating seems to eliminate that possibility. We get one date and if there's no immediate "chemistry" then the communication ends.

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know that you will learn anything from our adventures, as it seems like we 3 are racing for the title of no possibilities.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




I didn't mean to offend LT, honestly I didn't. It just seems that the 3 of us have the same adventures, which are few and far in between.

I bought a book last night and thought of you immediately.
[Again, no offense intended, please don't take it that way]
And, for anyone else that may be intersted.
Title: "The Unmistakble Touch of Grace" by, Cheryl Richardson.

It's about recognizing the spiritual singposts in your life, and goes further to say, that there are no coincidences to people that we meet. Every event and person we meet is put in our path for a reason.
I actually believe this. When I think of the people I've met in the last 5 years, I do feel there was purpose for them.
It was intriguing to me when I came across it last night at the book store.

Good to see you too Nams!

I think when it happens for any/all of us, it's going to completely take us be surprise. May 2007 be a whole new year for each of us!

K.