My D-Day was Oct 8 2006. I pretty much believe that I am done with all the questions that I have for her as far as details go. The only questions that I am pondering now are Why this happened. Do you think there is ever a concrete answer to this? I never in a million years would have believed that she would do this to me. Her explanation is that she was curious. She just turned 40 and I guess this was some sort of mid-life crisis thing. She told me that she had to know that she was desirable to someone else and chose to accept the attention that the OM was giving her for years now. She told me that neither one of them wanted a relationship. They got together 3 times. If it was just curiosity don't you think it would have only happened once?
This has easily been the worst experience of my life. Do you think I can ever figure out why this happened or am I wasting my time and I should be focusing on other things?

Read up on Dr. Harley's Q&A columns regarding affairs and read SAA. Post more details about your story so that the folks here can better help you out. Repost your original post over here as well.

trgol99- will knowing the why really help? I tried to explain to my BH, and really, is there any explanation? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

"I thought you didn't care."

"You weren't there for me when I needed you."


"You did xyz to me so therefore I had the EA."

Sounds like I was just justifying, doesn't it? What reason would be good enough for you?

IMHO you should be focusing on making the marriage you have NOW the best it can be over time. Don't waste time on what is dead. Do your EN questionnaires, read and study. Make this NEW marriage affair proof. Improve yourself so you wont' make the same mistakes twice. Hopefully, if your WW is on the way to becoming a F(ormer)WW, she will be making improvements too.

Hope this helps....

O.k. I will post my story in this forum.

Rock,

It basically comes down to weakness on her part and mercy on yours, you'll get there. Even though I have never cheated and don't think Iever would, I often wonder (now) what would the circumstances be for me to cheat. Never thought this before I was cheated on. I'd think that if I was low and weak and someone tempted me and persisted, I might get trapped, ending up going to far. Once one line is crossed, the momentum keeps going.

Also, for me, I had to do what was right, whether fair or not, whether I understand or not. I have children involved which played a HUGE factor. Not only was my marriage at stake, but my family was and that was WAY more important. If I had no kids, the vows were broken and there was by evidence, no marriage. (Matt. 19:4, 5). It is evident that monogamy was the original law of marriage