I think she is just stalling for time. I don't believe there is a job or apartment. I don't believe she will have no contact. But that is okay. You will be prepared.

I think I would go out and relax and have some fun together if you get the chance. Give her some good memories to leave with. Beforehand, I would nail down the details. Emphasize that you want the family to be okay, that you want the kids to be okay, that the two of you may not be together but can still make provisions for the kids.

She is on the edge of making a HUGE mistake, but don't try to save her from it. Just cheerily discuss things. Let her figure out herself that she will have to work, get an apartment, and probably quit school. Let her face the consequences of her choices alone.

Believer, I have had those last words of your post in my head all weekend. I kept reciting "this is her mistake, let her make it" I feel so proud of myself, baby steps. WS and I had a very serious talk about finances. reality seems to be hitting, and WS hasn't seen or spoken with OP since thurs (to my knowledge) I can tell though, because my W is back in full force. remorse, guilt, spending Q time with the kids. hugging cuddling, even one seriously passionate kiss. talking about the reality of moving out. while I wasn't quite cheery, I was very calm and still!!! then we had 2 hour long talks about emotions, communicating, I did very well at just listening, mirroring. made her accountable for her feelings. all in all a very reasonable new year.

today is the big day though, she has been hinting around her confusion all week. do I think she really has to move out for us to work this through?? my answers were very respectful. but I told her I could not continue to live together with her behavior so out of control. I owned my own feelings, and accepted hers. we even went shopping together for her new place. we ended up with a cart full of silverware and a toaster and she couldn't go through the register. she is supposed to be finding out about her apartment today, signing a lease today. I am just trying to remain calm. It feels somewhat better to have a plan, but still doesn't feel like everything is in place.

I don't think I am ready for plan B, but would it be appropriate to write a letter about expectations for coming back to the relationship, IE needs for NC, NC letter, NC for life??? or is that off track. I feel like she is having second thoughts, and don't know where to go from here. I guess I need to stay calm, and continue to do nothing!

Sounds like you are doing very well. I don't know that I would have gone shopping with her for stuff for her new place, but there is nothing wrong in that. Just remember, OW may end up at her new place. It's too early to tell.

If she moves out, she will need to pay child support. Have you discussed keeping the children together?

Also who is paying for the apartment?

Believer, thanks for your continued support. Just talked to WS, she signed the lease, 1 year. thats a big deal. taking it all in stride. staying calm. trying to stay silent.

yes we did discuss child support, kids will stay together always. I will be staying in our house, my MIL lives in inlaw apartment downstairs, she will be staying in her current arrangement here, she is 100% supportive of M. and a great help with the kids. WS will have kids on wed/friday nights and sunday, then I think we will alternate saturdays. its not really 50/50 but its 80% of the free time she has. WS is paying for her apartment 100% I will have no part in that. I also refuse to pay for any furnishings of the new apartment. I also know full well that WS will be having OP over her pimp pad!!!

I am looking forward to a break from having all of this in my face. more time to work on me, self improvement. I have also been planning some projects around the house, painting and such for the kids rooms.

it just seems like its so real today. that we are separating. I have to live with her for another week, as her place wont be ready until tuesday. some of the days she will still have to come to the house, as it wont be convenient for her to drag the kids to her place. and she has already mentioned that she might as well just stay on the couch some nights as it would be easier. should I squash this from the getgo, or let it play out????

Update on my sitch, what a difference a week makes. Have read Loworbit’s thread on MLC and it has been a godsend. thanks to Pep for finding it.

my WS has been going through a MLC for a few yrs probably, has had job lay-off, then decided to go back to school, 2nd career, not working(low self-worth), also turning 40 this year, and very close friend in 40's was killed in a motorcycle crash. Not to mention WS has had life issues that have been unresolved, child of Div, death of estranged father, feels abandoned by mother. WS feels that she has everything "on paper" great home, spouse, family, chance at dream of law school. WS believes that we had normal marriage issues that could be fixed with attention, but has not been "happy" for years and doesn't know why.

WS is moving out next week (having major 2nd thoughts though), buying flat screen tv, bose sound dock for ipod. all the toys. I have been feeling very jealous, afraid. instead of LBing I just ended up saying "bring out that boom box, I want to hear how great it sounds" and it did sound great, we sat for about an hour listening to it. she seemed content about it. and I got to hear it, enjoy it before OP did. now I feel like the item has sentimental value for us, not as an item to furnish the "i need to **** around pad"

Ws and I have been connecting very well this week, have had many conversations, and I talked to her about PJA, she feels validated as OP doesn’t buy into it, OP is a selfish, “I am not changing me for you” type of person (in WS’s words) then they fight. WS has stated to me, she can’t stand the roller coaster anymore, wants OP to “leave her alone” WS states that moving out is not about OP, but finding self, learning what self wants, yada yada yada. A seems to be imploding, and I am sitting by patiently watching the fireworks. WS told me last night, she doesn't know if OP has the same "values, ideas of what it means to be in a relationship" she cried after(which she never does) I hate seeing her like that, but it seems like some of the fog is burning off. Just not sure how long it will last.

My plan A has been the strongest this past week, I have never felt so calm, in control, I am the beacon!!and have seen some real changes in the way we relate to one another. I had been considering plan B. but now after reading about MLC, I feel I need to continue plan A after the move to provide that support to her in this crisis, she is terrified of living alone. I want her to know I will be there for her.

she called me this morning again crying, this is uncharacteristic of her. I did well at just listening, no judgement. mirrored well, she says she just doesn't know what to do. any advice from here??, continue plan A, I know, we are taking the kids to the movies tomorrow, I am trying to think of something fun to do just the 2 of us after that.

I am going to bump my thread for lunamare, thanks for your interest and any advice is welcome.

WS moved out on 1/13 sat to new apt. WS was tearful, was looking for her wedding rings and called me multiple times that night. I did better than usual with my boundaries and asked her to stop calling me. have spoken to her once today to dicuss the kids, and thats pretty much it. she has asked 2 friends to check in on me to see if I am OK.

I had a difficult night but today I feel stronger.
WS is snuggled safely in her new apt. in the arms of OP no less right now. and I am feeling surprisingly calm. I am in my home, that I love, and thinking about all the great things I am going to do this week. no worrying about when WS will get home, no wondering if she is sneaking downstairs to text OP. no more anticipating the next hurtful thing that she will spew. just me and my life. my kids. my job. my home. I hadn't expected this.

I am glad for this feeling, I am glad for this space, this removal from the pain. It still hurts, but its different. I made a choice for the first time inmy life. a choice to put myself first. a choice to say "I am important" and "no I wont live like this" I am empowered. now, I hope it lasts. thanks everyone for your kind words of wisdom.

You will find that Plan B gives you a lot of peace. I was just relieved when I went to it.

But carefully plan things out beforehand, because your WW will constantly want to break it to get a fix of you. Arrange visitation days and times for the children, financial things, who watches them if they are sick, etc.

I heard more from my WH in the first few weeks of Plan B than I did in the 8 months preceeding it.