I found a list of things that I made about two years ago and boy do I feel like a loser. The OM does have many more things to offer than I do. Thinking about it now I can't blame her for wanting out of our marriage. She once said that I am a dreamer and she is a doer and she is right. I have tried to change but I feel pretty inept at generally everything. I have really nothing to offer her at this stage, she is trading up. Loyalty, desire, love, acceptance.... what or how do these compare to being "in love" excitement of talking about new things, looking to a bright future, I'm old hat. Kind of goes under the saying "I would never join a club who would have me as a member" ( I think that was Groucho Marx......) <BR>Whew..... some days you just want to ramble....<BR>Boy I wish I never looked at that list.... what a loser.... all this and I am on anti-d's... go figure......<BR>mkn<BR>

mkn,<P>Very sad post to read. <P>First: Just because you feel like a loser today doesn't mean you are one! Some days are worse than others, and today is a bad day. But you are not a loser. You did not make the choice to leave your W, she chose to leave you. It was wrong of her, no matter what you have or haven't accomplished in your life. <P>Never, ever give into the feeling that she is trading up. <P>I know my H felt the same on a few days, if not a few months. My affair was very short and it has been over for more months than it lasted, at this point. I've also been betrayed, and I remember those days as well. Time is a great healer, and so is prayer and meditation. Are you a spiritual man? Prayer does work wonders too... and if not, maybe you could temporarily get a little raise in the meds to help you over this hump??<P>Best wishes... and STOP being so hard on yourself!!!! Easier said than done, I know!<BR> <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Thanks Sheryl,<BR>I am really not liking this roller coaster. Yes I believe in Jesus Christ and I do pray..... a bunch. <BR>Just feeling sorry for myself......

mkn <P>When I first found out from my wife she rattled off all the great things about the OM. I knew him so there were a few that I rattled off that were dismissed immediately.<P>I also spoke with his wife and believe me there are a few more that my wife can't see - yet.<P>I don't know your wife's OM but I can list a few faults he has that you don't for you to add to:<P>He has no morals<BR>He is a liar<BR>He covets someone elses wife<BR>He has no thoughts of hurting children<BR>He is decietful<BR>He has not shared the good times with your wife that you have<BR>There are times you have experienced with your wife that he can never share <P>You get the idea. As nb said don't be so hard on yourself

Oh Mike,<P>I had one of those days today too! But, the good news is, that YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!!! You may feel like one today, but you arent. You are a very special, very loving, very patient, very wonderful man. You wife is VERY lucky to have you, even though right now she can't see that. <P>You may be a dreamer, but dreamers never give up. You wife thinks she is making the right choice. She thinks that she needs something else, from someone else, but what she really needs is to look inside herself and find peace and happiness. You can truly love someone unless you love yourself first. We all know that affairs are fantasy. They are not love. <P>Hang in there, Mike. You are learning about yourself and you are becoming a much stronger, wiser, peaceful human being. <P>How about buying that motorcycle. Let the wind blow through your hair. The weather is still nice. Go for it. Try to take your mind off of them (I know it is hard-believe me)<P>Sending you a cyber-hug (not to far to go either ) <P>Prayers and strength to you,<P>Cheryl

MKN,<BR>your situation is alot like mine.<BR>My w told me that she and om had more in common like music, talking and cars.<BR>He also promised her a smaller house, no yard work and trips anytime she wanted.<BR>The only problem was that they were all a lie. He really didn't want to deal with our kids, and he was very controling of my w, I had always given her room.<BR>She is finding out he was lying about his finances also.<BR>He begged my w a couple times to run away with him. The funny part is he never filed for divorce from his w! When his wife gave him an ultimatum, he dumped my w and went running back to her. <P> What I learned thru all this was my shortcomings which led her to "prince Charming".<BR>My neglect and lack of communication skills, and overload her phyisically, none of which I did knowingly, along with her low self esteem, led to her affair.<P>She still has a lot of doubts about us. She doesn't think I can change and that we have nothing in common. We are to try joint counseling, so there is some hope for us.<P>Your w loved you enough to marry you. She will eventually learn om is a liar too. Right now everything is rosy for them, but it won't last. Until then you will suffer but there are people here to help you thru it. Eventually your w will see the light and look to return to you. <P>So hang in there!

MKN -<P>I'm sorry that you are having one of those days.......they really stink!!!<P>As long as you are just being blue and not REALLY believing that you are a loser than I won't scold you!! LOL!!<P>On the slim chance that you have any sincere thought that you are....let me ask you a few things, OK?<P>Would your Wife have married you in the first place? Doubt it!!!<P>What is this "list" about and why did you make it? <P>Dreamers are the best things to be!! Granted we all have to do some things but only the "practical have-to's" and "important shoulds" Is this stuff material things? Is that all so important? I don't understand......<P>You - dear man - are not a loser!!! You have shown kindness and insight to me and a lot of others here, that's just one virtue that you offer...I'm sure there are tons more!!! <P>God only cares about our doing our best with the way we are!!! He made us all different and none more superior....<BR>We are unique in our own way of living this life we were given!!<P>So, we do our best and care about others and pray that we can make it to the next day.......<P>Sometimes I wish we could fall into a "fantasyland" where we could "forget" all that we valued and held dear in our lives!! Then I think. "No way" because I would be missing out on what's "real' in ME!!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

I believe it was "church". "I would never join a church that would have me as a member."

Sheba,<BR> The list was one I made listing all the things my W said about him and them and also what I knew of him. It was one of those silly comparison type lists, good qualities bad qualities things. I don't recomend making one. I know you should never compare yourself to others and now I know why.<BR>This is a pity party pure and simple and I will get over it. I feel I married a beautiful woman inside and out. It's hard giving up a friend......<BR>Now to pick an icon and submit reply.....<BR>Thanks for your replys