Wow, this plan A can be tough. I am trying to be the nice guy, trying to support her ENs. Things have been going fine. I really haven't been badgering her with questions or anything lately. She seemed to be doing pretty good. Tonight though she tells me that she's getting tired of me always looking over her shoulder and always trying to keep tabs on her. Which is not all true. I am not always watching her. Just tonight I was just sitting on the couch and she accused me of just trying to watch her. I try to explain that I'm not. She also said that one night when I left for a little bit that she saw me ride around the block to spy on her. I did not. She is getting frustrated I guess. I really think I am doing Plan A pretty good. I try to explain to her that I am just trying to rebuild trust and it's going to take a little time. Whenever I try to tell her that I am just doing what I can to make things right with our marriage, she just tells me that I am thinking that I am Mr. Perfect, or just showing her that I am better than her. That is not true at all. Another thing lately is I believe that she has a slight drinking problem. I try to address that and she really gets upset. I talked to our family doctor last week and told her everything and now I am set up for a STD checkup. SHe doesn't want to go and see our doctor now. She was supposed to go tomorrow but she says that she isn't.
It hurts because sometimes I feel that she doesn't think it was such a big deal what she did to me. I try to remain calm and stick toPlan A. Up until tonight I thought it was going rather well. DO you think this is her just talking thru the fog? It's weird because nights are rough for us, but she usually wakes up in the morning and apologizes to me and tells me that she loves me. I really wish she would at least talk toour doctor. I know that she feels embaressed about what she did but I really think it would help her to face up to it to someone. SOmeone other than me. She has told no one about it. My D-day was Oct. 8 by the way. Thanks for any comments or input. These boards are a Godsend,

Continue to be a compassionate H. My two cents.

My D-Day is a few days before yours and my WW is in a complete withdrawn, she says she will give me until the end of March to give our M a chance but doing absolutely nothing but staying in the house and bed with me. Right now she wants nothing to do with me. I believe this is her way to show others that she did tried to work on the M but it didn’t work. Mine WW was in a romantic A; the worst kind in recovering. I’m in Plan A with some 180 but think I’ll need to go into a dark Plan B within the next few months. How’s your WW reacting and is she really trying to work on your M?

I'm sorry you're here and good luck to you and your family.

Well, she tells me that she still loves me and she wants to keep her family and all that, she will tell me that she's sorry sometimes too. But only if I practically break down and cry to her. I think she feeds off of my state of emotions. If she sees that I'm down or having a hard time she usually gets frustrated and tells me that she doesn't know what to do for me. I think a lot of the problem is me dealing with it all. I suppose she is doing ok. Maybe I should just stop thinking that she should throw herself at my feet everyday and apologize so much. I don't want to push her away. Thanks and I hope things get better for you too.

Is the affair over, and is NC established? Part of Plan A is acting cheery in front of the WS. She has her own issues to deal with and is in no situation to help you. You need to get some IC, ADs, and talk with some close friends for support. No relationship talk except from time to time letting her know that you will do whatever it takes to save your marriage and your family. Just have fun with her in the time you spend together. No one wants to hang out with a depressed, emotional wreck, especially if they are the cause of it. It just makes them feel worse about themselves and unworthy of the marriage.

So basically Plan A means to just grin and bear it right? Just be a good husband and don't badger her about her A, right? It's tough, lately I can't even sleep with her because I have to battle all the thoughts of her and the OM. I will try to do it though. Thanks. Any advice is appreciated.

If the A truly has stop and NC is in place, you need to get over this LB unless you want to end your M. I wish my WW wants to save our M so count yourself lucky. You need to sleep with her and do not push her away.


If you need to vent, come here but do keep up the front and be a compassionate and loving H.

Did both of you get tested for STDs? I would recommend that before continuing to sleep with her. I would have a tough time with that as well. Make sure you aren't exposing yourself first, and then try to make the effort in bed.

Actually I didn't think about STD until about a week after D-Day, I was really mad about her possibly bringing something home to me. We have had sex a couple of times since D-Day. I amseeing my doctor this Friday so maybe I will bring up the subject of being tested. I am pretty sure that the A is over and NC is in place. Although due to her circumstances at work she does have to walk by him about once a week. She will call me and tell me when she does though and tells me that it almost makes her sick to have to go near him. So I appreciate that from her. I will also try harder not to be an emotional wreck in front of her.