Wow- This is a first for me. I was looking for guidance and suggestions and came upon this outlet to get rid of my thoughts. A well deserved break for my friends. Anyhow, I found out in early June that my husband as been having what started 2 years ago as an emotional affair and escalated into a full blown affair resulting in sex. Upon the disclosure of the affair he chose to leave because he could not give the other woman up. He continues the affair after several attempts to cut it off. The pain is so overwhelming some days I can't believe it. The part that is hard to understand/grasp is that he keeps saying he wants to do the right thing but he has never gone more than a week. He recently even went as far as saying he has rededicated his life to the Lord and didn't last 2 days. How confusing. He has gone to counseling this entire time. Any advice or thoughts. I just want the heartache to go away. I know my God has plans for hope and a future for myself and my daughter. But what to do next? My daughter and I remain in the house he lives between his aparment and the OW house. It was his secretary and she has even been fired in the meantime? My husbands actions and choices are so far from who he led people to believe. That is why this so confusing. Advice, Words of Encouragement!! [color:"blue"] [/color]

Welcome. Your situation is very common here. My husband was just like yours - said he wanted to be a Godly man and have no contact, but never could actually do it.

Read all about Plan A here, and start doing it. It includes exposing the affair. I take it that the other woman isn't married.

You know I don't know but I have been told that she is not married. He says that doesn't matter at this point.He will not answer questions about her. I am at the point where I have set a boundary that until he chooses what he wants there will be no contact, it will only be a week this Thursday that I told him that in front of our counselors( no contact until he decides). He was putting me through an extreme emotional rollercoaster, comimg by the house, wanting to go away together etc. And then was within a week telling me he was with her. This happened several times at least 8 times since June. So that is why I made the decision to say that is it for the contact until you have made a decision. We have been married for 18 years and everyone always thought I had the perfect husband. I don't get. I do believe we are beyond Plan A. And the affair has been exposed everywhere. Our church where he was on the Administrative Commission, our families, friends and obviously his co-workers. For who he thought he was he sure got a doozy! (Spelling?) Can it last on the warm fuzzy feelings and sex. I don't know maybe he loves her- he did say he can't get her out of his heart. Can't believe it.

First you need to find out if she is married. If she is, expose to her husband.

It is not too late for Plan A. That is where you need to start. It is very important. Chances are very good that the affair will end, they always do.

What did your church do about the problem?

I will make another attempt. I will have my counselor try to find that out from his counselor. He won't tell me. My church well I feel they dropped the ball in some ways (aacountbility) In July my pastor and the deacon (two seperate times-1 time each) talk to him. They thought he was on the right track back then. And as far as they have made me aware the only attempts since that time where by phone. And he doesn't answer. So I guess what can they do.I will reread and study Plan A again. Is the no contact thing appropriate until he decides, the rollercoaster is overwhelming.

No contact is Plan B. That comes after Plan A. You need to do a good Plan A for around 3 months.

It sounds like your church did try. My pastor tried to contact my husband, and he didn't answer. Then my pastor gave me a letter to give to my husband that said he wasn't welcome in church until he went in to talk to the pastor.

Husband was very active in our church for 18 years.

Thanks for the reminder. I will reread Plan A tonight and pray about. I will check in tomorrow. Blessings for your kindness and honesty. It seems 6 months is a long time, because the pain and confusion is so great. Please Pray!!