I was in the bookstore picking up "Every Man's Battle" because I still struggle with wandering thoughts about other women and whether they're attracted to me or I would have a chance with them. I know it is a product of my insecurities and self-esteem issues following my wife's infidelities, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse. My thoughts are wrong and damaging and I hope this book will help. Anyone else read it?

While I was there, I came across a book: "Desperate House Lies" that appears to be written for women. Amazon.com has the following description:


Has anyone read this book? It is written by Sally Marcey.

My wife has frequently asked out of frustration, "What books do you want me to read?" I've dodged answering the question because I've told her numerous times which books I've read that I think she'd benefit from. She seems to be challenging me to come up with a list and I'm about ready to take her up on it. I'm thinking, based on its description that this might be a good one. It especially fits her attitudes and weaknesses.

Any thoughts?

I have not read that one. There is a book called every woman's battle, too. Has she read surviving an affair?

No, unfortunately not.

I have read SAA, Not Just Friends, HN/HN, Hedges, etc...

The only book I've gotten her to crack open is "Fall in Love, Stay in Love". She has read one page from "DearPeggy.com" on the need for her to answer questions.

She knows which books I would like her to read and knows where they are but she has no desire.

I understand that it will be difficult for her. She will feel like it's punishment and a continual reminder of what she's done.

I just can't get beyond the fact that there is good stuff in many of these books and I'm incapable of conveying it all to her.

Thanks

Ok, here are the seven basic lies listed in the book:

Lie #1

It's okay to flirt with other men. It's harmless; I'm just having fun.

Lie #1

Sexual freedom is good for women.

Lie #3

Sexual temptation will go away once I'm married.

Lie #4

My husband doesn't understand me. I deserve someone who does.

Lie #5

He's just my friend; there's nothing wrong with that.

Lie #6

The man at work is more exciting than my husband. I'd be better off with this other man.

Lie #7

No one will ever know. I can end this any time.


Well, these are interesting, but I can think of a lot more than seven. Anyone like to take a stab at it?

I bought a number of books to help with my recovery. The first book I read was, "After the Affair: Healing the ain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner has Been Unfaithful", by Janis Spring. The book starts out by talking about the feelings that you are experiencing and why you feel the way you do. It made me realize that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to make a proper assessment of myself or my job situation. I thought my job was going down hill, but have sinced realized that this is not the case. It's not unheard of for someone to make life altering decisions after finding out that their spouse was having an affair and the people I work with were simply planning for that possibility.

The first book WS ended up reading was, "Sperm Wars", by Robin Baker. The book discusses the science and biology behind sex and infidelity. While the book may be controvercial, it is entertaining and lets you look at infidenlity from a different point of view. WS is now reading the book, "The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature", by Matt Ridley. I haven't read the second one yet. She may use the first book to help justify what she did. But since she's still in the fog, I could see her using any excuse to justify her actions.