Hey Lousygolfer,

I've changed my name because it was too recognisable to people who know me and I never intended to post so much personal information.

Thanks for your thoughtful response. I've always had a chuckle at your name on here. I think it rings true for a lot of us.

I'm 33, my partner is 29. We've been together 9 years and lived together for 8 of them. We have 2 DD's (3 & 8). I have lurked here since my partner was unfaithful while on a night out with friends almost 5 years ago. She had taken E which can have a really bad effect on her. It went no further than slow dancing and kissing another guy but it really rocked my world at the time. She didn't remember it and had to be told the next morning by her friend who stayed in our house that night. When I woke up I knew something was wrong and she told me straight away. I always thought she was the most honest and faithful person I could ever meet. How many times have you heard that around here ? It was different in nature though in that it was down to the drugs. I know she wouldn't have done it sober. I kind of knew the guy she kissed and she told me since that she wouldn't ever have found him in the least bit attractive. I believe her. Naturally I went off the depend and was angry, hurt, vengeful and all the usual emotions. We put boundaries in place regarding her drug use. She agreed that she would never take pills again when out without me. Sounds crazy I know but that was our thinking at the time. There had been other incidents where she had tried to kiss friends both male and female in the run up to this incident, always while on E. I have since totally forgiven her and we have moved on.

So what have I learned since coming here ?

I've learned that infidelity can attack anyone at any time, that we are all vulnerable regardless of the reasons. I've learned that I can't take my partner for granted. That she has EN's that must be met, I've learned what they are and I have tried to meet them. I've also learned that I have EN's and I have tried to educate her about these. She's very good at meeting them most of the time. I'm no angel and have been attracted to people other than my partner. I've learned to ensure that I'm never in a situation that could lead to anything. I will automatically distance myself. I suppose I've learned to spot the red flags in myself and her. She has admitted to an attraction also. It was at a time where I was meeting none of her EN's. In short, I've learned the tools to ensure a long and happy partnership and potentially marriage if we ever decide to take that step.

We're both alcoholics. I've openly admitted that out loud and she accepts it too. It's not an excuse but all of my family, some of her family and all of our friends are alcoholics in that sense too. Our lives constantly involve alcohol. We don't ever socialise without it unless we're out doing stuff with the kids. It can cause fights at times. She gets aggressive on wine and I can and do go overboard sometimes. We don't drink during the day and often don't drink mid week but when we do we binge. Drugs are a huge issue too and always have been. At one point things got so out of hand, we were doing E's and coke both nights of every weekend and our relationship was suffering badly. It was impacting on the kids in that we couldn't function and do things with them, not to mention the constant fear of something falling on the floor and being picked up by them. We were very careful but mistakes happen. We got clean and stayed clean but I got lax and fell back into it a little. I know I can kick the drugs. I've done it before. And typing here has made me realise I need to do it again. Once and for all. Final. I love being off them. I love what it does for us. I never want to be back there again.

So there you have it in a nutshell. It's very cathartic writing this out here. I've never done that before.

I don't intend to keep posting but I did want to reply as you were courteous enough to reply to me in such a thoughtful manner.

Thanks again.