I'm reposting this from another forum because today is the day and I want as many opinions as possible.

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My wife and I have been seperated for about two months. We went from being somewhat fine to me moved out in about 3 weeks. We had a 18 month old son and a eight year old stepdaughter. The seperation was a combination of jealously and resentment on my part because of her relationship with a coworker. She also felt that I was just going through the motions and wasn't really happy.

The last two months have been ******. I made lots of mistakes. I went into a deep depression and completely shut myself away from family, frieds, and my wife/kids. My wife broke down and filed for divorce and a custody hearing because I refused to have any contact with them. I called her and we finally spoke after I was served the papers. The custody hearing was cancelled.

I saw my children for the first time in nearly two months on Saturday. I have never wanted a divorce. I pulled myself away because I felt as if it would be impossible to cope seeing them all the time.

My wife and I embraced each other several times during the visit for over a minute. I know the love is still there on both sides. I told her I had made some mistakes and that I still loved her and I wanted to make things work. I had made the mistake early in the seperation that she must have a decision now now now. That did not go over very well. This time I told her to take some time and think about it. That I was wrong for trying to force a decision out of her. She agreed to think about working through our problems.

She wants me to come see the kids again sometime this week. I very much want to see them but I'm afraid of putting pressure on her. I'm very confused and don't want to ruin any last chance we have of making this work. Has anybody ever been in this situation before?

This is the time of your life where you truly MAN-UP TODAY!!

and immerse yourself in your childrens lives INSPITE of any way you feel....

seeing your children has ABSOlUTELY nothing to do with your relationship with your wife...

do not abandon your children...

you had a two month blip...
get over it....
in regards to them...

inspite of where you and your wife end up..

and I'm gonna tell you straight up..

you want your wife..then you be a FATHER and a MAN to your children...

your abandonment is like nails in a coffin...as she deals with their pain and fear of daddy leaving them....

get yourself to a DR
see if antidepressants are warranted...

none of this is fair to the children and your primary role is to cause them no overt grief or pain....

you want your wife back..

you start by manning up to your children...

did you bring them in to the world to visit pain upon them..

or are you the ADULT meant to nuture and protect them...

There's tons of ways to repair this..
tons...
but abandoning your children isn't one of them...

never ever ever....

pressure on your wife....
what about pressure on your dear children who only know daddy has left them...

children first
relationship with wife second...

that's where YOU start..

ARK

Move back in today, otherwise you will lose your wife AND your children. Even if you don't save your marriage, you need to put yourself in the best legal position possible. Give us more background on your situation. You have a right to be upset about her relationship with a coworker. It is improper if it is a problem for you. You need to read up on this website on Dr. Harley's basic concepts and Q&A columns. You need to MAN UP and get through this and save your marriage. You only have one chance. Step up today before you lose your wife and your children to this coworker. We are here to help.

I guess I should explain "My Children" a little more. I have a eight year old stepdaughter and a 18 month old son. I know it was wrong for me to keep them out of my life for two months but I felt it was my only choice. After the intial seperation I went to see them a few days afterward. I completely fell apart, nearly lost my job, and was a hair away from putting a bullet in my head. This self destructive behavior has followed me around in life.

I have no proof that she cheated and at this point I don't care if it means I can get my family back together. I've tried every AD known to man and they either kill me with side effects or make me outright suicidal.

Go back home, tell your wife and children you love them, and let them know that you are actively seeking help for your personnal problems. Let them know you don't want to lose them, and you realize that if you continue down this path you will. You need IC fast. Get some help before you destroy your life. Read up on Dr. Harley's site, and read some books that deal with what you feel you are going through (depression). You will only feel worse if you lose your family. You need to snap out of it. You can do this.

Dear Josh,
You recognise "self-destructive" behaviour in yourself. I think it is a good point that you see that. If you see it, maybe you can change it over time. Maybe for some reason you do not like yourself very much?
The second thing is: you say you have no proof that she cheated. Is it not important to have proof? Does your wife say anything about this? Does she help you with this?
As the others say, I think you should move back in at least for your children who are not responsible for the way you feel, and tell your wife YOU do not want to divorce, since that is what you are telling us!

So here is what I'm thinking for tonight. Flowers/Card and a bottle of wine for the wife. Some trinkets for the kids. I don't plan on mentioning anything about our relationship until either she brings it up or the kids are in bed. How does that sound

no opinions?

that sounds like plan A....and that's where you should be

strong plan for the children...

dear wife I am so so so sorry about not seeing the children for two months..

I was wrong...
and will not do anything like that again....

I want to move back home...what is it you requre of me to make that happen....

ark

don't overwhelm with her gifts

be a man and a father...
the poor stepchild has already gone through one failed marriage...

does that poor child need this to be her legacy..new dads every few years.