Here’s my story. I will try to keep it brief. My W and I have been married 16 years and have been together for 24. We have 2 Dds ages 5 and 12. My D-day was Oct 08, 2006. I read some of her emails on her account at our home and discovered that she was having an affair with someone associated with her job. She told me a few years ago that this OM was flirting with her. I was concerned but she assured me that there wasn’t any reason to worry so I believed her. I guess though for some reason she accepted the OM advances. She told me she was just curious and that there was no feelings or relationship with the OM. In fact he told her up front that he didn’t want any relationship with her. Although the letters I read and the number of times they talked to each other I have to believe that there had to be some kind of a relationship. They hooked up 3 times. You think if she was just curious it would be once. Since D-day I have found a couple of other disturbing EA with a couple of other Oms over the past year. She tells me that the A is totally done and is now attempting NC, which is sort of difficult because she has to walk by him maybe once or twice a week. Right now I am attempting Plan A. It’s hard because I want to show her how I really feel and how disappointed I am. That’s my story in a nutshell. She is just living right now as if nothing ever happened, I am living right now in depression. This plan A is going to be hard. What about all my pain and hurt? Am I just supposed to put that away somewhere inside of me? Thanks for listening.

You need to keep all your posts under your original thread or no one will be able to keep up with your story and help you. You need to verify NC and work at meeting your WW's ENs while avoiding LBs. If you want to save your marriage you need to put your betrayed feelings aside for a while and concentrate on repairing your marriage. Get counseling, and/or talk to Dr. Harley with your WW. You and she need to read SAA.

Hey RB,,,,I know your pain...No, you do not put your pain aside...I would go to IC (individual counseling) to help deal with your pain. Also, a very good saving grace for me, is AD (anti-depressants)...it will help take the edge off and make it a little more bearable...You don't have to be on them forever, just to get you thru this horrific time...If she is attempting NC w/ this OM, is she willing to change jobs? Plan A is hard, but so many people here swear by it...is she willing to make ur marriage work? Is she willing to go to MC (marriage counseling)? Have you exposed the affair to EVERYONE? I MEAN EVERYONE...including her boss, coworkers, family, friends? That is a must in Plan A...Read Surviving an Affair...and HN/HN...they are both wonderful...I promise you will get thru this...I was on here a month ago in your same spot and I have gotten thru it...and my WH is not even here in the states...So we all know your pain...You have come to the right place...there are wonderful, knowledgable people here who have been right where you are...Keep your chin up and keep posting and asking questions....God Bless You

Well, back after I caught her, I told her that I would not tell anyone about it. I told her that my purpose wasn't to drag her thru the mud, I just wanted to help her. Then I read about exposure. So far I told a few people including her mother, but they are keeping it a secret. I know that I would feel bad if I told others about it and she surely wouldn't be very happy about it.
O.k, here's something that I will tell you. I hate to because on some different boards I was attacked and judged by some. I was told that I got what I deserved.
12 years ago I had an A myself, the OW was my best friends W. It was definatly the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. I remember that I was actually relieved when I got busted. I felt a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. I confessed everything and threw myself at her mercy. I was willing totake anything she gave me, even throwing my a** out. I felt I deserved anything she gave me. She gave me certain conditions if I still wanted her. I had to tell a few people, I had to go to MC and some other stuff. I had no problem doing that. Like I said, I was very remorseful. I learned a valuable lesson back then and I know that I will never hurt my W again like that. I know now what it is like on both sides of the fence. Neither one is good. I know what it is like to beat yourself up over what you did. I try to judge her feelings based upon what mine were. Maybe that's not fair. I don't know. I asked her if this was revenge and she told me no. I know from experience how awful A are. I thought we both learned from that. I don't know.