I am in plan A and I wanted to post about something I did this morning that may not have been a great idea. my WS recently had an infection in the nether regions. was actually kind of funny, WS was so worried about STD"s. (I have not had SF with WS since D-day, and have been checked BTW for STD's so I am happily secure) anyhow, this morning I knew they had planned to spend the day in bed together and I sent text to OP stating "beware of fungus, use protection" I got a call from WS enraged.
I tried to reverse babble a little, this is how it went.

WS "why did you leave OP a rude message?"
BS "I am concerned for the health of both of you, you both should be careful"
WS "you are making it impossible for us to be friends"
BS "actually, you sleeping with OP is making it hard for us to be friends"
WS "you are acting like a psycho"
BS "maybe, but at least I have a valid excuse, what's your excuse for your behavior??"
WS "is this what I am going to have to deal with everyday?"
BS " I have to deal with your actions don't I? are you saying that sleeping with OP and a text message are equal offenses?? "
WS " when are you going to the doctor to get on medication??"
BS " I am not, I am dealing much better now that I am learning to live without you"
WS "we cannot go out to night now"
BS " thats right, I don't want you to sleep with OP all day, then take me out on a date. I am going out alone to have a great time. You can do whatever you want.

this is probably not the best way to plan A. but I am losing my patience. how could I wait all day for a date, knowing WS was in OP's bed. I am thinking more and more about plan B. anyone have an example of a PBL???

It is best to keep it in one thread, and change the subject of that thread so people can follow. If you are fed up with Plan A, it is time to start thinking about plan B.

thanks for the info, how do you change the title??

How long have you been in Plan A, fighting?

What will the living arrangements of your Plan B be?

Your Plan A sounds like it is going really well to me, and you have the three little children who will be effected, so it is paramount that you have all your ducks in a row before Plan B, and that your Plan A has been a good one.

I did not realize in my previous posts to you that you are in a lesbian marriage, not that that probably matters at all in your strategy, but if there are different dynamics going on in gay marriages than heterosexual marriages you might want to talk to someone with some experience in them.

JustJ has this experience and posts sometimes to the thread named "Grayclouds Campfire". Perhaps you could give her a shout.

Go to your original post, click edit, change the subject line, and then submit the changes.

thanks for the info, I feel like plan A was going very well, actually, my M definately had some problems, and I do own some of that, but I have always been in plan A, from day one. I am self sacrificing to a fault. which is prob one of many problems in my M. but point being is even WS admits that I am a wonderful spouse, has minor c/o but admits that I have always treated her well. even has said to OP that "my wife is beautiful, caring, understanding, and that she doesn't actually know why she is cheating" maybe thats why I am frustrated with plan A, I have been in it all my life. btw I got a book on codependency, and I am reading up. sorry for the dual threads, I will go back to my original one. thanks again

I would call that

REVERSE BABBLE TO A FOGGED UP WS

I WOULD CALL THAT PERFECTION

I would call that excellent plan A....

no chaos
no overt emotion

direct
concrete
with grace and dignity for both....

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARK

oh ark, you have made my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really needed to hear that. so continuing the chaos in the A is OK even if it causes angry outburst from WS?? as long as my responses are controlled and I don't enter into relationship talk??
I am starting to learn the ways of YODA!!!!!!!!!!

ark , I am going to thank you once again, I will truly have a great night tonight, without WS, let her stew in the soup for a while. thanks for the validation!!!!!:)

angry outbursts from a Ws...because of their actions..

oh PISHAW>...

phooey....!!!

wah wah wah says the WS seeing the glimpses and realities of their actions...

wah wah wah they say...

how funny is it to say to you..

so now I'm not going to take you out.....

your response....was sublime....

dear I don't want to go out with you after you spend a day in bed with OP>...

again PERFECTION...!!

that's what an authentic body does....

OP steals time and clings to the falseness...

BS walk in reality and the light...

BS SCREAM with their grace..

I am way way way to worthy for this treatment.....

WS flounder in the mess...and slop....

you did really really good...

ARK

Ok now WS is home, totally stunned, told me I look great. I responded as if this morning never happened. cordial. I am on my way out now. gosh that did work lovely, I feel so powerful. thanks again, ark this place is my saving grace!!!!!!!!!

Glad things seem to be better, but from my perspective as a FWS your responses to husband were perfect and dead on. My wife didn't have an OP so to speak, but I am sure I would have been furious too. Once I sat down and thought about it, I would have to admit she was right.

I loved everything you did.