My wife called yesterday and we were talking about her counselor visit. She said she did not like some counselors because they are negative. I said what do you mean? She said the counselor told her what her idea of a friendship is and what mine is is probably going to be different and it would not work. I told her that might be the case depending on what choices are made moving forward. I then asked her if she was still speaking to the OM and she said yes via text messages and phone but she was not physically seeing him anymore. It went down hill from there. I told her that was wrong and not acceptable. I never lost my temper during the conversation but was very even keel. She said some very hurtful things to me at that time. Like "you told me the other night that you wanted to work on the marriage and it made my skin crawl". So the end of the conversation was I would come home and get my stuff and leave and have NC with her for a while and work on the kids and having the kids 3 days 1 wek and 4 days another week. I told her I do still love her which I do but she said to stop saying that as it is a lie. What should I do???!!!!
What is interesting is I went and bought all of Dr. Harleys books and Dobsons "Love Must Be Tough Book" and was excited to read them but not sure now. Should I still read them?

Yes - read Survivng An Affair first. It will help you to understand why she is the way she is.

It will not take away the pain, but it will open your eyes and you will have the comfort of knowing that she is acting in a way that is a known pattern. Just like a disease can be recognised, this A (affair_ behaviour can be recognised and expected. You are one of many betrayed spouses (BS's) who have suffered and seen the same things.

Keep posting to us, it will help.

Silver P

duro M,

First step is to read SAA. I would then read His Needs Her Needs.

HL

duro_madera,

Hang in there...you're in the right venue to air your frustrations and grief. Your WW is having difficulty letting go of the OM. If the A is to stop, she would have to cut him off completely, and I think she knows it...but is not ready to, for whatever reason.

While you may not agree with this, it's the reality of your situation.

You've got some great tools within your reach now (Dr. Harley's book and this site and the people like you who post on it regularly!)...use them to your advantage.

Lots of luck to you and rebuilding your M.