Why in the world would you need to talk to a lawyer to go to your own home?? OMG! GO HOME! MAKE HER GET A LAWYER TO GET YOU OUT!!

And why do you need an "excuse" to go HOME?? YOU LIVE THERE!!

DM, you are FOGGIER than the worst WS we see on this forum. Please stop being timid and scared. you are not going to make it unless knock it off and MAN UP.

GO HOME NOW!! Walk in the damn door, set your bags down and say "HI, HONEY I'M HOME!"

Should I read surviving an affair?

You have a RIGHT to be in your own home. She DOES NOT have a right to kick you out of your own home!! If you leave, it should be via a court order accompanied by a SHERIFF with a bigass gun.

If you need a LAWYER to stay in your own home, then so does she!

I can't believe men allow themselves to be kicked out of their own homes simply because their wives tell them to! Women would never fall for that. Why do men?? What is wrong with you guys?

dm, what I said to my WS was
"I want to be in this marriage, I want to be in my home, with my children, this is my life. If YOU don't want to be here, then I invite YOU to leave. YOU have caused this upheaval, You need to take responsibility for that.
she WILL talk D and all that. she may even spew venom. expect it, and you will be able to take it a little easier(because it will hurt like he**.) have heart, my WS has threatened to leave many times, but has not yet. you make her responsible for breaking up the family. WS will find it hard to actually make the necessary arrangements to actually put this forth. remember, all they care about is the next "fix" of OP. read up and anticipate everything she will say, come up with a strong statement of reverse babble to combat that. and be strong. stand your ground. fight for your M. and have faith. you can do this, and it may not seem like it now, but it will get better. just don't expect that it will tomorrow. tough times are ahead. be strong!!!!!!!!1

Look. Its not so much that I am foggy. I have already manned up with her on several occasions. I just am looking for a way to not make her think that I am going back and forth and things. I just did not know if I should say anything about why I was gone and am now coming back. I am just unclear on some things. FOr example, she is going to the Comedy Club tonight. WHat if she decides to just come back with another guy? I can't kick them out? How do I talk to her if she does not want to say anything while I am back. Do I just talk to her each morning anyway?

I tried to find more info on reverse babble but could not. Can you point me to a place.

I just told her I will probably be home tonight and the future as it is best for me to be in my home with the children.

Oh no, you are not foggy at all, DM! Your clear thinking is evidenced in this remark:


If she brings a guy back to your home, just vacate your bed so he can crawl in with your wife and get it on with her. Perhaps leave some of your clothes out so he will feel welcomed. Hopefully, you wear the same size! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

When you go home today, just tell her you realized you made a mistake leaving and are home to stay. This is your home and you don't need an excuse to be there.

Why did you forewarn her? JUST GO THERE! Stop GROVELING and go home!

I did not have her kick me out I went as I felt like I could not talk to her anymore but I now realize that Plan A is hard and that mean doing things that I don't like. I guess in order for me to protect myself I will do things while I am there that are for me and the children and not let the things she is doing hurt me as I cannot change her until she sees that I am changing

ok, are you going home now? Your kids need you, your wife needs you.

I wouldn't wait another minute. Since you forewarned her, she may be changing the locks.

Look, I don't consider that foggy. For me its a legitimate question. I could get violent and try to kick them out as I would not just lay over and let it happen. What I am saying is that if I did that then police would be involved at they would have to come over and break things up. So what I am asking here as an example is information on how to take care of situations like that. Its not that I am afraid to man up on anything. I have nothing to lose but what is the right way to do it?

DM,

Time to cowboy up, man! Stand up for what is right and be strong. She WILL be angry if you are home. It screws up her fantasy with OM. It means she has to override her sense of wrong doing and make a decision to do what she knows is not right. That is the point! She wants you to back down and just let her continue. Don't let it happen that way.

Plan>execute>act NOT Freak out>react>run. You have to know what to do when she does something and then do it the right way. If you keep looking for an easy way for all of this to end, the best you can hope for is THE END! She is fence sitting and you are too! You need to get to the point that you are doing what you can to save your marriage and be satisfied with it. Quit trying to manipulate her into stopping her A and DO something to break it up.

It won't ever be the way it was, and should not be. It won't just go away. Read SAA! Read anything you want, but you can't TRICK her into staying married and you can't FORCE her to stay married and you can't SCARE her into staying married and you can't BADGER her into staying married...You have to commit to staying married until they drag you kicking and screaming into a court room OR until you have decided that you have done all that is possible and there is nothing more you can do.

It's the first drive of the first quarter, man. If you throw the game plan out now, it'll be like facing the Bears defense while down by 30 in the 4th quarter. Now is the hour!

At no time will she just roll over and give up. She is fighting for her fantasy and it is up to you to fight for your marriage! Steadfast endurance not shock and awe will win the war!

Mark

PS : Try to stay in one thread for a while, I'm getting dizzy jumping back and forth trying to piece together what is going on!

I can't go home yet as I have other things I am doing right now. She has no time to change the locks right now, nor would she know how. ANd it would not matter anyway as it is my house and I would then call the police and get in.

It is a very foggy question. Of course you can kick the guy out. You don't need to even ask.

Are you going home now? Are you prepared to stay despite her fury? you won't get roses and kisses for coming home, so don't expect them.

If I were her, I would call the first locksmith in the yellow pages and have him out right out changing the locks. But like you said, you can call the police. They may ask you to leave just to keep the peace though.

Mark,
Your advice is invaluable. As I said I am not afraid to man up. It s the consistency that I have not had. I WILL be going back home. I am reading SAA but just want to know if that is the best thing to read right now. I AM trying to read as much as I can but have my work as well. I just need advice on how to handle certain situations and not screw them up and do them in a loving way.

For example, she told me yesterday that she had told her parents about the affair. Well come to find out that what she told her parents was that I had an affair and then she had one. She never went into any detail about the fact that she actually had a lesbian affair first with her best friend then brought that into the marriage and then had an affair with a man. So should I set the record clear with the parents on that or should I let that just slip by? Here is a situation where I need advice because I think to myself what is it accomplishing if I tell them? Do I write a letter to the drum teachers school and let them know what he is doing and has done? People say yes. Somebody had posted that there is an example letter written by Mr. Magic but I can't find it. Do I tell the parents of my sons friend who are going to the drum teacher what he has done? Do I talk to her dad that is the one pushing the lawyer and tell him that she is doing things that are not in the best interest of the children?

I ask these questions because I can't read fast enough and feel like I am running out of time. THere is not enough hours in the day. I read a lot and am steadfast on that but with all the other things I am trying to do I need the help of the people here who have done it before. I apologize if I have said something or ask something and do not seem to get a clear picture but I have so many questions on how to execute stuff. THanks for everybody's help.

THe other threads I have posted were in another area because I thought it was apporpriate for that area. It was suggested on here that I get a lwayer and I did but I made a post to another area to find out if anybody knw of anther lawyer that might be good as well as it is always good to shop around for my protection.

Yes MelodyLane I am going home tonight. She is not there right now anyway. I guess I am hesitant to ask questions in the future as they will be interpreted as foggy. I don't want to do something and then find out that I made the wrong choice in order to follow Plan A.