I am in the early part of getting things back together with H. He has agreed to counseling and no contact with OW.<BR>My question is are/were any of you so scared that your spouse was only staying because they were afraid to leave and not because they want to make the marriage work.<BR>And if you did feel like that, did you feel like you were doing things that might sabatoge getting the marriage straight. <BR>I feel like I am doing that. Like I am so afraid of being hurt again that I can't let go. I am trying to follow the basic concepts and sometimes feel like I am failing miserably.<BR>I love H so much. I am just so afraid he will hurt me again. I am afraid I will push him away because of my overwhelming fear.<BR>I don't know how much sense this will make because I feel like I am losing it.<P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P>

I don't have any advice, jaded, I just wanted to bring you to the top and let you know you're not being ignored. I haven't gotten that far yet. <P>Keep working, keep trying. I would think the fear is normal. Push past it. If you guys work on it enough, you will BOTH want to stay - for each other and yourselves. <P>It's ok to be scared. Just go beyond it. You'll be ok.<P>Lori

Quote:<BR>--------------------------------------------<BR>My question is are/were any of you so scared that your spouse was only staying because they were afraid to leave and not because they want to make the marriage work.<BR>--------------------------------------------<P>Jadedheart she left for OM and we go to counseling Friday (if I can get in touch with her) I'm afraid that I'm the one clinging because I'm afraid. Of what? Loneliness, my kids not having a real mother. I don't know. But with the Lord's help I'm going to try.<P>It's normal to have these fears. It's how you deal / cope that makes the difference. Complete honesty. Tell him how you felt before, during, and after. Compare those feelings possibly.<P>And above all else...keep up the Faith.<BR>

H and I had a really good talk when he got home and I told him how I was feeling. He said he is doing good with not wanting to contact her. So I am more relaxed. Thanks for listening to my through my outburst. I know if I believe and have enough faith we can make it through this.<P>Lostva, thanks for bringing me up. Hope things start looking up for you too!<P>Paul, I hope you get in touch with her. You will be in my thoughts.<P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P><BR>

Jaded, you sound so much like me it's not funny. My H broke off all contact with the OW as soon as I found out. He fought very hard to make me stay, when all along I never could have left anyway. We are eight months into recovery and doing better than ever. I still wonder sometimes if he did not stay with me out of guilt and shame.<BR> I do not know if those feelings will ever completely go away, but they are fading. With every passing day, I can feel his respect and love growing for me in his words and his actions. That is what is making me trust him again.<BR> I felt at times that I was pushing him away, and that if I didn't stop, he would get fed up and leave. His opinion was that whatever I did to him or said, he deserved. This of course is not true, but it made me see just how remorseful he was. I guess my point is, I have been where you are now. In hindsight, I see where my pushing him with questions and assumptions may have made him uncomfortable. But, things do get much easier. Suddenly, you find yourself stopping yourself from asking that question you've asked 100 times. You realize the answer just doesn't matter. What matters is that you are together. I'm no expert, but I hope this helps. E-mail me if you want to talk!<BR>bamafan74@prodigy.net