Hello everyone:
13 days into AA and doing incredibly well.
3 weeks ago my wife had had enough of me and wanted me out. I had a drinking problem and this effected all the ways I communicated and interacted with my wife, family and friends. I was still in denial. At the end of my rope. she said she did not know me, love me and needed me out to see what she wanted to do in her life. She got a new job and this was the step she made clear to me that once she had that financial independance, she was moving on. I was to be gone Jan 1. I had to do something...everything I tried failed horribly. I was digging myself deeper and deeper and sincerely believed that she was gone. She would not talk to me, and spent every minute I was home away from home. I knew I had to do something drastic. I could not take the easy way out. I truly had to change everything.
Turns out the job she did get required her to work 12 to 7. I'm 8-5 and I travel. The day after her first day she came home and said I need you to stick around for a while to watch the kids and help while I work. I accepted this as a gift and went to AA. 10 days went by and I worked the program with fervor.
Last night I saw the first real spark in her and us. Last night, (as with the 3 nights before) my wife and I spent the evening TOGETHER talking on the couch talking. I missed a whole hour of my favorite show and did not care one bit. I found myself really enthralled with her, listening attentively. I was thinking about HER, not me. My deperation was lifted and I wasn't thinking about how I could immediately CHANGE things to perfect order. My old attitude of interrupting, or indifference to what she was saying, trying to get her affection in desperation was gone. I feel like I don't care WHAT she talks about, I just want to be near and listen and look into her eyes.
for the past 5-7 years before I'd get bored with conversation, or try to 'one-up' her with what I've done or what I think, or critize an her approach etc. I truly feel different and it feels like a miracle.
I feel like I'm falling in love again. I'm aready feeling like a new person, however I know the road of improvement goes for a lifetime. My wife, who 3 weeks ago could not speak to me without yelling or with disgust is already starting to open up to me, talk and hang out with me. I haven't felt this kind of intimacy in a long time. I'm now doing nothing but making deposits without expecting anything in return. I'm learning to not be selfish.
Thanks everyone. Your stories have helped me reshape my thinking and integrate them into my sober AA life and approach to it.
I am now very hopeful and have a good attitude and fell like I'm in a good spot with good direction no matter the outcome.
Thanks again!
