Hey, It's been awhile...but for those who don't know, I'm the BS. Stuff started nearly 3 years ago....been alone mainly most of this time as WW moved back and forth....well D was done in July and I spent quite allot of time with a female friend....this turned into a great friendship that also became physical but not smothering to me.

It kind of seemed that she had deeper feelings for me....so after all my hurting...I stayed distant.

Well, to shorten the story...she started dating her old high school guy a couple weeks ago....and I feel more hurt from the fact that she did'nt tell me first and also now I see that I had strong feelings that I tried to keep buried.

Now during this emotional week....my EX has phoned a few times and tells me about although living with someone she is lonely and the OM or this dude...has never replaced me...adding she has feelings for me, takes her responsibility or our troubles and would like to see me....WOW...when it rains it storms on me.

How about a word or two?

What do you want?

Think about it. Post again, and we'll give you some advice.

The first thing I spotted that is WRONG in this situation is now YOU are the OM! Your WW calls you while she is involved with someone else. That's a big red flag. 'I'm not satisfied with how things have worked out, so let's get together.' It sounds like your WW needs to work on herself. She's obviously not ready to commit to reality.

In regards to the sitch with the woman that you have been dating, why not be honest with her about how you feel? I tell you what, man, I would give a lot to be 'smothered' with love; I don't think a strong R smothers anyone... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Well, we know one thing for sure. Your ex-W has not learned anything from her experiences. She is still cheating, although like SL implied, she's trying to make you the OM this time around.

[color:"red"]BIG RED FLAG![/color]

If I were you, I wouldn't be able to run fast enough in the other direction.

Jo

OK...1st, I asked EX if her "friend" or whatever knew that she spoke with me....she said "yes", as I then told her and he is OK with that? She said he understood that she still had feelings for me....and as long as it did'nt upset her...he felt it was OK.

I know....I'm now going any farther. Yes, I still have love for her...but kind of feel she is having a hard time as she put it...."I've tried to love him".

As for the lady that's my friend she seems to act as if she is too busy with family and work to sit down with me and talk....I tried to explain to her how protective of my feelings I am at this point. She replies..."It's not you....just me."

What the heck that's supposed to mean? I let her know that if we did'nt gp any farther that I now always try to learn from things..."live like I'll die tommorrow...and learn like I'll live forever."

I want to knock down the fence around my heart and love again!!!

Then don't ever play word games, and be 100% honest with her (GF).

She may very likely be just as guarded as you about being hurt again. Once she hears doubt in your words, she too could start protecting herself by back peddaling and suddenly become unavailable to you, much like you have done with her.

You both end up loosing due to insecurity and mistrust. If you care for her enough, its worth the risk.

Welderboy,
I thought your wife would come back -- don't know why.

If you are open to it, get away from GF completely and let your EX know that you are open to trying again but only if she commits to you that she will have no further contact with OM.

Respectful

Welderboy - You need to take this time to date a lot of different women, and take your time. Do that for about 2 years, and then you will know more about what you want.

I would leave the ex alone. She is invovled with someone else and is OFF LIMITS.

The men that don't save their marriages go like hotcakes, so don't fear, it will happen to you too.

I'm sorry Respectful, but I disagree.

First and foremost because they are divorced, WB's ex-W should have left her OM before she started pursuing or even exploring a relationship with WB again. She is using the same MO (mode of operation) she used when once married to WB. That being, starting an inappropriate relationship while still in a committed relationship.

She hasn't learned anything and relies on the same bad behavior of changing partners before she is available to do so. Why in the world would WB think his ex-W would be any different with him when she clearly hasn't learned or changed.

I basically believe you have one shot at marriage, unless your spouse dies young. If your first marriage doesn't work out, then your dating pool is limited to people who are willing to go on to other relationships, for whatever reason, or who are willing to date people whose prior marriage didn't work out, for whatever reason. Some reasons for divorce are very understandable (spouse was abusive or unfaithful, for example) and some are inexcusible (OM looked better, for example). That's a minority opinion. I can appreciate that others may think that what is important is a committed relationship, whether or not it is a first marriage or a marriage at all. I think it might be an option for Welderboy to consider that he open the door to reconciling with EX if and only if she leaves the relationship she has with OM. I am not saying he should allow her to toy with him while OM is still in the picture. Even then, yes, it's a big risk.

Respectful

Respectful - If everyone went by your standards, it would be the end of mankind. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and usually there is one person who didn't want it.

I don't believe anyone should accept a partner, Ex-Spouse or not, realizing they continue to possess patterned cheating habits simply because they feel desperate the dating pool of viable relationship-worthy candidates may be low.

Good grief.

Welderboy, don't set yourself up for more heartbreak. It would be insane to go out with a woman who does not believe in fidelity and faithfulness. She just uses men and tosses them aside like used toilet paper when she is done. She is committed to nothing and nobody, except a good time.

There are lots of good women out there, who know right from wrong, and who will love you and treat you like you deserve. Don't settle for less.

And like Resilient said, it would be nuts to settle for damaged goods out of desperation. Much better to be alone than live with more abuse and disrespect.

Well....I just came back in the house...summertime had me riding the Harley, today it was the farm tractor.
Anthow...I'm the one that 1st called EX and left a voice mail.

I was feeling empty and wanted to ask if she was happy?

She then returned my call. Heck, she did'nt like hit on me...but apolizred and said she missed me. Also she asked me if I still cared or was just upset and lonely prior to sharing her feelings with me.

Welderboy has three choices: date EX, date others, or don't date. The woman who tossed aside her husband for another may realize that wasn't such a good idea. Of course, she'd have to do more than make a phone call.

Respectful

She is still a WS and now she is attempting to make you the OM. For what? To enable the selfish craving of the WS.

R U going to allow yourself back into that tangled web of lies and deceit?

What guarantee do you have that she is repentant and willing to work on an R that is acceptable to you?

L.

He called her. He's letting her know he's open to her. She may be sick of this man who was so inconsiderate and self-centered as to pull her away from her husband. Welderboy is not an OM since he is the one who married her and this OM is not her husband. She has to leave the OM as an initial step towards showing a willingness to show care for him. Her relationship with OM has to be tentative. If he's willing to have her leave her husband, he'll be willing to leave her. Dr. Phil's words "If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you" apply her.

But, Welderboy, don't be too eager to take her back. Let her call you the next time. Let her want you. Let her miss you.

Respectful

Hopefully, Welderboy reconsiders and uses some common sense and good judgment here and takes a pass. Going out with a woman who does not believe in fidelity and faithfulness is just asking for heartbreak. That would be foolish no matter how much he wanted it.

She is not viable dating material, WB, how many times does she get to kick you in the head for this sink in? She is screwing the OM right now by contacting you. This is a PERSONALITY TRAIT, so why get involved with someone who will cheat on you?

If you want to avoid a repeat of the getting kicked in the teeth, then you should NOT take her calls AT ALL.

WB ex-W owns at least 50%, if not more, in this illicit affair, Respectful. She is not a victim and is just as cupable as the OM. To imply the OM "pulled her away" thereby making her leave WB negates her accountability in betraying both WB and their marriage.

So, YOU'RE the one who 1st called EX and left a voice message and THEN she called you back.

Hmmm....wonder what she'd do if she gets a similar phone call from someone else one day...seems she would look at it as another opportunity for what SHE can get.

She didn't take any of the initiative here...you've GOT to look at actions...not just listen to empty words. If she was truly remorseful - you'd know.