Just my two cents worth for whatever that's worth.......

You're out. Stay out.

So the grass wasn't greener after all and she's having second thoughts? What's to prevent her from getting bored w/you again if given another chance (or whatever her reason was for cheating on you).

My vote is don't go there again.

How is your life now that she's out of it?

Better or worse?

More peaceful? Less ups and downs?

My life is not the same....and she said no one has taken my place.....but you folks are right, although I miss my life love.....why let her back?

Welderboy, what do you want to do? I don't see anything wrong with getting together and talking. Find out where she's at. If she wants you back, then this would be a good time for you to state your boundaries (like NC and a total commitment to the recovery of your marriage). If she balks, then you know where you stand.

You are asking the right question; there is no reason to let her back!

Unfortunately, having a "place" in her life did not include fidelity, faithfulness, honesty, respect, all the things that are required for a successful marriage. When you feel you miss her ask yourself if you miss getting cheated on and lied to? Because that is what you will be signing on for if you allowed her back.

Why settle for that when there lots of nice women out there who know right from wrong and will treat you with respect?

WB

You have been given great advice´s from people.
So i just wanna ad something..Stop playing games with her

Move on with your life..She is toxic to at the moment..

She need so much profesional help..Before she can date anyone seriosley

There is no reason today. She hasn't left OM. She is toxic at the moment. See what she does. If she decides to leave OM, then perhaps you could proceed with caution. But that's not where she is today. You can move on with your life but still be open tomorrow.

There is nothing inconsistent between self-respect and a willingness to reconcile with someone who has given up evil.

Respectful

Welderboy,

I think you need to be reminded to "look" at the data. First your exW cheats on you for almost 3 years and finally you two divorce. She is living with OM.

The lady you dated takes up with her old boyfriend but neglects to tell you that she is doing this.

Do you see a trend or pattern here? Women that neglect to tell someone they are married to or are dating and intimate with that there is another man in their lives ARE NOT women you need or should want to be around EVER. You are lonely and hurt because you continually pick the wrong women.

Don't you think it is time you gave yourself some time to heal, and then figured out how to tell good women from destructive women? Don't you think honesty is a good trait, and frankly a more important trait than just about anything?

If you do, then it is time you got out and dated alot of women, and see if you can learn to spot the good ones from the destructive ones. It takes practice and it takes thought.

I find it interesting that you still remember the "good old days" with your exW, when there has not been a "good old day" in over 3 years. Isn't time YOU came out of the fog and faced reality? I think so.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks alot for the advice...I need to keep reading this as to gain a better understanding.

Yes, I think I need to heal totally.....and yes, I'm lonely and very emotional yet....not a good time to start any kind of serious relationship. Please pray for my peace....

Welderboy,

Live to Ride, Ride to Live. Don't forget that.

No riding right now...I do seem better when I can ride. I'm in SE Ohio.
The weather now is cold with short daylight. I did get a little ride in on Veteran's Day.

Also, folks....this guy she lives with was and is a co-worker....now the original other man....but also a "friend"....that I had my doubts about.

After the D....she never followed her IC's advice...as to getting out alone, she lived for 1 month at her parents and headed into this deal?

Heck...we had been divorced and she never told where to have her mail forwarded....that's why I did some "detective"ork and found out where she was.

Hey Justlearning....I read this stuff again.As for remembering the good....I can only say that I usually always see good in most everyone....and what will always make my "old times" feel good is the fact that I and only "I" have ever felt like this for anyone and loved my EX or WW or whatever she is the right way....with everything I had!!

I only want to love like that again someday....I get bummed thinkin" maybe it was a "once" in a lifetime love...if so...1 is all I get!

Well....I know that it's been a very long rode for me....why don't most people just be honest and open....always telling their truths?

Ah, Welderboy, what are we to do with you?

You are a good person.

WxW is harmful to you. You know this. Leave her as alone as you would a street narcotic.

Don't feel lonely. Enjoy the solitude for a while. It will improve you.


Have you read Blue Highways yet?


With prayers,

Funny you mentioned the book....my Mom just said to me...don't you read anymore?

OK....who's the author again?

Thanks all.

William Least Heat-Moon

Opening sentence: "Beware thoughts that come in the night."

With prayers,

Opening sentence....WOW. I'll be reading that by the weekend.
Tonight I got outside and did some stuff around the house, I've been also drinking too much....so, I'm going back to the plan that got me thru the first two years of this mess...try to stay busy, get some rest, pray....and get back in church.

Please do pray for me....and I'm very grateful for you folks and the nice, kind words.

how DO you feel about your ex W?

If you still have feelings for her, i would be open and honest with her and tell her. I would also set boundries. Tell her that you will not consider building a new relationship with her as long as she is involved with someone else. Tell her that if her situation changes, you are willing to try dating her.

that's what I would do anyway

(but by the way things look in my situation i don't have to worry about what i would do if my H wanted to rebuild our relationship so maybe my advice can help someone else)

I'm at the point that I think she needs to do this for her...not for me.
The IC she had went to, said she has a pattern of jumping into relationships before she has ever stood on her own 2 feet.
I know she needs peace and love within herself to be happy about her...not looking for a man to "make" her happy.

WB,

Good idea to back of of the booze. Very good idea. I will tell you why. In fact the WHY is actually in your answer and question to me. You said
Has it crossed your mind that you have not found the 1? Your exW and the exGF are just steps to you meeting and KNOWING how to treat the right woman. How do I know the two earlier ones were not THE ONE. Simple they cheated on you. They did not see the real you.

What has happened in the last few years. You have slowed down on the drinking. You have gotten religion. You have learned about relationships. You have worked on yourself. You have learned how to converse and communicate better. AND, you have felt the pain of deep betrayal.

Now given that you have learned and experienced all of that, do you suppose you will appreciate a woman that loves you, respects you, doesn't cheat on you? Do you suppose you will know how to treat her, so that her needs are met and she is happy? Do you think you might understand far better now, what love really is?

I think the answer is yes to these questions. And now it is time for you to meet the right woman, because NOW you will recognize her and appreciate her. You have not met the ONE so far, you have just been in training so that you will know how to treat her when you do.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

Yes, I've had those thoughts. Along with thinking that the Lord wouldn't test me like this without giving me a blessing in the end.