WB,

When I set out to find someone, I had a clear idea of the kind of person I wanted. I even made a list of qualities I thought would be good for me (yep good for ME)in another person and then I set out to find that person. I live in a very rural part of the country and so I went on match.com to start dating.

I read what all the people here (WAT, among others) said about online dating and I paid close attention. Things WAT said such as take your time, be very picky, know that it may take a year or two and you might have to go through a few non-keepers to get to the keeper. This would hold true for meeting girls the old fashioned way as well.

You are not going to have any trouble finding a girl, we all know that, but I am afraid you may have trouble picking the best one if you don't go into it with the right attitude.

I guess what I am trying to say is when you set out to find a partner, attraction is important but it is just as easy to be attracted to a person who has all the qualities you want in another person as it is to become attracted to someone who doesn't. So set your sights on what it is that you really want in a woman, mother of your children, lover, best friend, strong ethics, well grounded and centered on family, etc and steer clear of those who fall short.

You can determine who you end up with, it is not fate, it is a having a clear idea of what you want and doing the work of finding her. She is out there, don't settle for less. You determine who you love because love is soemthing you give, it comes from within you, it doesn't just fall out of the sky and land on you when you meet someone.

Oh, I better go drink some coffee, I don't know if what I said made any kind of sense at all. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just want to see you end up with a really good woman who is also a lovely lady this time around.

Thanks Weaver....I guess maybe today is a big turning point.
EX phoned and replied to the e mail I sent her where I said that "I don't what to be the OM....that if your not happy....don't do this but look em in the eye and move on."

She also said that she has never found a replacement for me or if she even is capable of giving someone enough love.

That;s very big of her!!! Also told me that she thought she needed to be on her own....WOW, her IC told her that she needed to do these things back about 2 1/2 yrs. ago before she started another relationship.

Also....I spoke with the lady that I had dated a little....I asked her if she really had meant that I had made a difference in her life...that if so...she sure did disapoint me as a friend....and yes...It felt good!!

Aphelion....I got the book, Blue Highway.

Weird thing....I came right home the last 2 evenings, not stopping at the watering hole for beer.

When I got to the kitchen....cracked open my Bud...the last 2 nights, they tasted like swamp water?

Must be the parayers....I'm going to make a comeback.

"She also said that she has never found a replacement for me or if she even is capable of giving someone enough love.'

Sheesh, how many times have you heard this now? And each and every time has been like the one before. Every time. She is still looking for love in the street. She has not changed at all. I don't think she is going to, either. Overcome or ignore the feelings, WB. They always lead you astray regarding WxW.


"Must be the prayers....I'm going to make a comeback."

You already are, WB. It just starts off slowly. A lot of inertia needs to be overcome. Did you know that fruit trees didn't used to get harvested for the first seven years after planting? A biblical thing, I think. But like most such old social or religious lore it had gut level scientific merit behind it. Things take time to grow and become strong enough to produce.


Next, I'll have you reading Merton's "The Seven Storey Mountain". LOL.


With continuing prayers,

Thanks....I've read a little and really like it. I also think ahead a bit....by Mr. Heat Moon talking and reaching out towards other people he will end up finding his true self.....right?

“…talking and reaching out towards other people he will end up finding his true self.....right?”

Well, yes and no. It is true he connects with himself, again, through connecting with others.

He lost himself in his M. With a high maintenance wife and adulteress, of course. But it goes much deeper than that. IMO, he depended far too much for his happiness on someone else. Does not matter she was his wife. Does not matter she became entirely unreliable. He put all his joys in one basket.

It’s a true story. The book is from his journal.

So,

Thinking he knew what he was doing to pass some time, he started a road trip that he eventually figured out is one leg of an amazing journey that will last the rest of his life.

And that it helps to know about other’s journeys.

There are horizontal journeys and there are vertical journeys.

There are journeys in space and there are journeys in time.

There are physical and spiritual journeys.

Journeys can be freely chosen, and they can be imposed without consent.

You may end up where you thought you would, or you may end up in a very surprising new place. A place you didn’t know existed.

But they all mean little - can be a total waste of time - unless they add to an awareness of your own life.

Then your basket can be re-woven, again and again, big enough to hold everything. And then you are better at picking and choosing what you put in your basket.

Then they are adventures!


WB, I hope you approach this very difficult time in your life as an adventure, and that you will not be disappointed in the outcome or in yourself. Your current situation is an invitation to go on a journey, a passage, a crossing. Make it worthwhile.

And I believe you will eventually meet someone truly worth sharing your adventures with. And worth sharing hers. Someone who, like you, actually has adventures worth sharing. Someone who is not a pile of ENs needing continual filling.

Give it time.


OK, enough of that.

I liked the book mostly because it made me want to ride. Right into the sunset. I want to see some of those places he saw. Meet some of the people he met.

And not come back until I feel like it.


With prayers,

You got a really great attitude....you're what I like to call "good people"....not just a good person, but a special "kind". Thanks.

Oh, I dunno, WB. The only thing special about me is my nose.

You, OTOH, are looking square-on at a rather rare opportunity to grow and become truly special.

It just doesn't happen overnight. That's why it is called an adventure.


With prayers,

WB,
Don't give in and settle.

I'm working through right now; need to D. And now WH is saying that we can work it out. But, were post multiple affairs (his), post emotional and physical abuse (his), etc.

If I actually look back objectively at our M, it was marginal at best from day one. It was happiest when I was giving in, doing without, taking care of everything around the house, etc. It was worst when I tried to assert myself and make the M into a partnership.

Don't settle. What will you have if you go back to your X? I'm sure that many people have successfully rekindled a R that ended in D. Just be careful.

And, someone hit the nail on the head in an earlier post.... I too think that my H was the love of my life but, if he was, I've got a sad life. Instead, maybe I should think that I chose poorly. He wasn't the love of my life. I missed the one God had intended but, I believe that there may be many people that God allows in our lives that may be that perfect one. If there's only one perfect one and I goofed off in high school and ended up not going to the college he went to does that mean my life is over? Or, does God have others in mind as well.

I don't know. Maybe this is stupid. Just guess that I'm hoping and praying that God does have someone out there for me. I'm at the end of this M but I still believe in M. I want happily ever after. I want to grow old with someone (That was one of the songs at my wedding - Grow Old w/me .)

Anyway, wishing you the very best. Slow down and let God lead you.

Thank you all....I know I need to keep the "faith".