Is/was having an affair. We have been married for about a year and a half.

I am devistated, don't know what to think or feel. We have had our problems and have been in counseling. It has just happened in the last couple of weeks.

A fellow student asked her out about 2 months ago and then they became friends. Around thanksgiving she started to have feeling for him. She didn't tell me this then.

Things became physical about two weeks ago, and she has slept with him on several ocasions within the past week and a half. In our home. The first time she slept with him was the day after I left on a buisness trip. I am still on travel and am not scheduled to get back home until then end of the week. (15 Dec).

I don't know how to feel or what to do. I spoke with her and she is sorry and she loves me.

I spoke with my brother and he says to leave her, that is what my head is saying too, my heart can't cope with that.

I love her.

Thanks for reading,
-Jason

If there are no children and no contact is not being done, leave while you can. I'm over 2 years after my wife cheated and a large part of me wishes I left often. if it weren't for the kids, I'd be gone. The pain is too much, especially still living with her. It's not your fault she cheated, leave with dignity if there are no kids and she's still contacting him. there's no way to stop this with you being gone on a trip.

There are no kids in our family. I am going to be headed back home early, possibly tomorrow. I just don't believe this is happening. She says that she ended the affair, she has one last final in a class with him this wednesday.

We were supposed to go back to Colorado for Christmas to visit my family. I don't know how to handle that, I am afraid that if I go alone, I will never see her again; and I don't know if that is good or bad.

We were supposed to leave on the 20th...

Thanks for your reply.

-Jason

All is not lost.

Whether or not you have children does not have to factor into your decision to recover your marriage.

You need to read up on ALL the material on this site. Plan A, Plan B, Emotional Needs, etc.

It is a lot of work and will be tough, but if you love your wife, as you say you do, you can recover your marriage.

Be strong and keep open dialog with those on here who have been down the same road. You can do this.

i have posted your story in Genaeral Q

Go over there you will get much more help

Thank you...

I just looked and the only list I could find was General Questions II. I didn't see my thread.

-Jason

romero

Dr Harley would advise that you cut your losses as such an early betrayal is hardly an indicator of high success in your long future marriage.

What he also advises is that we should not make life-changing choices while temporarily traumatised.

So, sir, I suggest that FIRSTLY you visit your doctor to consider antidepressents. These can really help stabilise the rollercoaster at this devastating time for you. It is no weakness to use them.

Then, read the basic concepts on this site, and if you can read "Surviving an affair" by Willard Harley. This will give you an insight into the dynamics behind your WWs decision to have an affair, and its likely effects on you.

Also to make you feel less alone CLICK HERE to read my experiences as a BS and to read some of the wonderful advice I received from the kind angels here.

I GUARANTEE your life will have improved by two months time. this devastation is not so raw always as it is now. I know this.

By then you may have the information you need to make a decision whether to attept recovery and trust your early-cheating wife again, or whether to cut your losses and divorce.

You don't have to decide that right now.

All blessings.

You have been married only a year and a half and she sexually cheats on you. What is even worse is that she shows that she has no respect for you or your marriage by screwing this guy a couple of times in your house and in your bed. I think you would have to be almost masochistic to accept such behavior. She sent a clear message what she thought of you and her marriage by doing it in your home.

You deserve better than this. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have put up with such humiliating and disrespectful behavior as you have experienced? You both need to be tested for STD's. Since you have no kids and the marriage is a little over a year it would make sense to contact an attorney to understand your options.

i posted it under my name

I am flying home tomorrow. I don't know if I am going to stay in our apartment tomorrow night. I have agood friend in the area I may stay with.

We have an apointment on Thursday and on Monday with the counselor we were seeing early on.

I am going to see my doctor about anti-depressants and something to help me sleep. I didn't sleep last night and I don't think I am going to sleep tonight.

Thank you for your help and advise.

-Jason

Hi Jason,

I haven't been around the MB site for quite a while but saw your post and wanted to reply in order to second what Bob already said...

All of my W's A's happened during the first three years of our M... Like you, I was away from home when I found out about the "first" A.

Only you can decide what whether or not you want to continue in your M. For me, my gut told me to walk away, but we had a very young daughter, so looking back, I think that was probably the only thing that kept us together...

Talk with your counselor and if your doctor recomends some AD's, then you should consider taking them as they will help smooth out some of the rough edges of your pain.

Read all of the articles here and try not to make any quick decisions... I can tell you from personal experience that if you do choose to work on your marriage that it will most likely be one of the hardest things you've ever done... and I can honestly say that for me, it was one of the most rewarding things that I've ever done.

My W and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this coming Saturday... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Semper Fi,
RIF