I went to my hus work today to expose affair to higher ups and ended up in altercation with other woman. My hus said it is over that he has made his choice and that he has already introuduced her to his kids. They have only been together two months. What am I going to do? I called and apologized to girl for making a fool out of her but now I wish I would not of. She said that I need to just get over it and that she had it done to her. I asked to her why would she do it to another woman she said b/c things happen.
My husband said that he was thinking about coming home until this happened.

Did I screw this up so bad that this is the end?

describe "altercation"

Pep

FWIW, I can't answer the "did you screw up so bad" question, but give me a break! If your husband was thinking of coming home until the altercation, what made him change his mind. Either he loves you, felt that he was wrong and wished to try an work things out or he didn't. I personally think his using the altercation as a reason to leave is pretty lame - regardless of what happened.

Just my opinion.

Pepperband:
I went in and saw this girl at the desk and I asked her if she was Hidei she said yes and I said Hi I am Jeff's wife. She said oh. I asked were Jeff was at and she paged him. We went around corner and talked actually I talked and he said that it was over I shoved him and he grabbed me and I slapped him. Boy that sounds horrible. I really felt like I went nuts like I had no control over myself it was weird. She was standing by door when I left so I went up to her and shoved her and told her that she was a #####.
I can not believe that I acted like that.

stay completely away from both of them for at least a week

IF your H contacts YOU ... tell him that you "lost control" ... and for THAT you apologize

do NOT NOT NOT contact OW for any reason

this will pass

Pep

Pepperband
I guess my husbands managers did not know about affair he may now lose his job because of my exsposure(as unorthidox as it was, it definatly got the higher ups attention) Good thing or bad thing? Part of me is getting some sick satisfaction that he is actually having to feel some of what I have been feeling. Do you think that is wrong?

Well, I had told you to expose. That was not exactly what I had in mind.

If he loses his job, it is due to his poor choices- not your.

[color:"red"]if your H was breaking company policy by having an in-office affair ... the consequences are his to own .... "neutral thing" on YOUR part [/color]


[color:"red"] I don't judge feelings ... they just "are"

I judge behaviors/actions ...

Pep [/color]

no he did not get fired. He called me and told me that it is over. I did not call him he called me. I am trying to figure out if I am holding on because of who he is with and my pride is hurt or if I really love him. He told me that this past year has been an act that he tried to be something that he is not. His family acctually told me the same thing that this is how he acted before he met me. I wonder if I am in love with being in love. It really hurts I thought I knew he was I have no clue who he is now. It is like nothing he does is rational or logical.

Has he been a good husband to you before this?

Pep

Yes and no as I sit here and think about it he has always been distant and when we met he had no relationship with his kids because of how abusive he was with his first wife. He told me that he used to abuse his kids. I guess those were warning signs. The fact that he has no contact with his ex even with dealing with the kids maybe another. He said I hit him for the last time today. We got into an arguement one other time and I threw a glass at him. You know what as I sit here and think about it our relationship was pretty disfunctional. I would let him know what my needs were and would admit that he did not love me enough to do those things. Pretty harsh.

Anika,

I know this may not make you feel any better, but this is TYPICAL WS behavior after you expose to their employer. My WW told me that I ruined whatever chance we had of getting back together when I exposed to her boss (the A started with a coworker who had since left the company). She ended it with the OM just FIVE DAYS LATER! Just sit back, relax, and let the exposure stew. When you expose, things initially get worse because the WS's fantasy world is coming down around them and they feel a need to lash out at the person who has just threatened their fantasy world. After the initial anger has subsided, the WS is just left with a crumbling relationship with the OP. You did the right thing (minus the shoving match). Let exposure take root and slowly break up the affair. You are going to have to just Plan A in the meantime. Good job. You are not alone. We have all gone through this, and you can make it through this as well.

Jim,
Thank you so much. It just seems so hard. He is living with her introduced her to the kids just looking at the facts it feels over. The things he has said. I tried talking to him about our wedding day and how great it was. He makes it sound like it is so wonderful with this woman like I am just a pieace of crap and never ment anything to him. How long did you guys separate or did you?

We separated for 4 weeks. I was foolish and I moved out. That was before I found this website.

On another note, you need to get tough and stand up for yourself. I would start getting lawyers involved. You can get a restraining order so the OW cannot come in contact with your children. They should not be subjected to this. It is time to fight fire with fire.

We do not have children together. These are actually kids from his first marriage. He has been gone two months now. People around me are saying take a hint he does not want you. What do you say to that?

Do you really want to be in this marriage or are you afraid of being alone. If you don't have any children you might want to cut your losses. How long have you been together? This guy sounds like a serial relationship jumper. He's now failed at two marriages. You need to think long and hard about whether or not you should be with this man. As for what others think, only surround yourself with people who are going to support what you do. However, this guy does sound like a loser.

I say this: Who are these people and what business do they have in YOUR marriage?

And then I guess I'd say that you need to fortify yourself (emotionally, physically, and legally) for the fight of your life.

Good job. Oh, except for the slapping and shoving. But now that I'm done with my WH and OW, I wish I had slapped the two of them, instead of just being Miss Doormat all that time.