Like I said earlier my husband has moved out-he decided that the OW was more important than our son and me and said he could not stop his behavior. I have contacted OW husband. Now I am the one to pick up the pieces every day of our son who doesnt understand. How selfish!!

My husband and I work at the same company and next Friday there is going to be a party for everyone that works here. My husband will attend and I should be able to attend but wonder is that wrong?? Why should I be the one not to attend because he will be there? I work here too. I am praying that by then he will havew come to his senses-but cant count on that. Is it wrong for us to both attend? If we both attend how should I act?? That may sound like a stupid question but I want to go about this the right way.

Also is it a good idea to open my own bank account at this point?

Have you exposed his affair to everyone at work? Your WH's family and friends? Your own?

LA

Going to the party would be a great way to further the exposure of his affair....surely there'll be questions...and why deny yourself a chance to get really, really gussied up, and shine like the first star at sunset. Look your very best, mingle with everyone, and make WH wonder what you are up to.

In spite of his affair, leaving you is "not exactly" in his plans. If he sees a couple of men hitting on you, it may give him a peek though the fog...

SD

I have exposed his affair to everyone at work-to the other womans husband and to my family and our friends. I have not said anything to his family only because they are they type to think this kind of thing is ok as long as he is "happy".

I spoke to my boss in further detail about what has been going on and he confirms that he does not believe that the other woman would ever leave her husband for mine. He said that he would rather have me at the Christmas party than my husband if one of us was not going to come. That was nice.

My husband called our son this morning before school and tonight before I got home from work-he isnt calling to speak to me only to Nicholas-is that normal? Does that mean he doesnt care about me right now?

My thought is that you need to do what you feel comfortable doing. If you have reservations about going to the party, I don't think you should go. Is it fair? No. But then what is? I also would not recommend you going to the party with the intent to have WH see people hitting on you. I don't think you are in an emotional condition for that, I don't think it is fair to mislead the hitters and with workplace laws being what they are, there is always the potential for lawsuit later. Bottom line is I don't like agendas and I don't like trying to manipulate WS.

WH probably does not hate you. He probably does want to hate you so he can justify his actions. He has to vreate a mental state where all this is proper. That is tough to do and he will use all tools at his disposal.

jrobin,

I want you to calm down because this is normal. Right after exposure it always gets worse before it gets better. He is pissed off at you because you rocked his little fantasy world. His little affair isn't going to be fun anymore. You ruined it. After a week or so, he will calm down, and he will be left with only a crippled relationship with the OW. She will likely be feeling the heat from exposure as well. Let the seeds of exposure take root. Give exposure time to work its magic. Pat yourself on the back. You just took the first step to saving your marriage. Don't think all is lost. You need to go to your party and have fun. Let him know you are still living your life. You did the right thing. This is how it happens. My WW told me any chance of working out our marriage was OVER because I exposed. FIVE DAYS LATER, she agreed to NC with OM. Just sit back, relax, and watch fantasyland crumble.

He's dizzy with the intoxication of the addiction of the affair. He just doesn't know HOW to deal with you right now, and has "used" your shortfalls to re-write the entire history of your marriage.

Don't expect anything he does to make sense, because it won't.

Try to relax and work on YOU. The more you remove yourself from the trauma and chaos, the better.

SD

The company I work for is very small-there are only 7 people that work there including me. I do not go there with the intent of being "hit on". I am kind of proud that I finally told her husband-it is just painful that my husband is no longer living at home.

My boss spoke to him briefly today and there are meeting tomorrow after work to talk. My husband knows that everyone knows now-it may make him angry I dont know. I do know now where he is staying and I like the guy he is staying with. He is single but down to earth and not one to say hey dude lets go out and pick up some chicks.

jrobin,

One other word of wisdom. There is always a post in every person's thread when they finally expose. The WS always says it is over, and the BS comes on here wondering if they did the right thing. The BS asks, "what if my situation is different?" It isn't. I generally find that the more the WS flips out when they found have been exposed, the better the chances are for marital recovery. If BS exposes to family, friends, OPS, and work, and the WS doesn't even care, the WS is so far gone and out of touch with reality that the marriage cannot be saved. Be thankful that your WH reacted in the way he did. It means that he cares about how he is viewed and exposure is getting to him.

jmwc95-thanks for that wisdom above.

He called our son again on the way to school and then asked to talk to me. He asked how I was doing and if I was busy at work. Then he said maybe he will see me at the office later and then said he loves me. How should I respond at times like this? I have read some things that say-be kind oa aloof and make him wonder whats going on with you-I didnt cry on the phone or anything but I'm sure he could hear the emotion in my voice. As I could in his. This has not come up yet but what if he asks me to lunch or something? He has only been moved out since Sunday. Ilove my husband and I do want to make this work but I want to make wise decisions.

Thanks for the help!

I would say that you should always act calm, composed, and cheery. Don't let him know that he is getting your down. Also, act slightly emotionally detached. Leave him wanting more, and wondering if everything is okay between you two. Don't love bust, but don't be clingy or overly affectionate. Make plans to go to lunch with someone else. Then is he asks you, say, "I already have plans." Act like you are continuing to move on with your life.

He was just here at the office-he said hi and made some copies and stuff-kept asking me how I was doing -I said ok. Then he said he was meeting Chris (our boss) tonight for drinks to talk. Our boss is so nice and knows that my husband is making a big mistake. The funny thing is he is going to give him the same advice that our friends from church would have but he will take it differently from him-the people from church he doesnt want to talk to. Anyway he looked ok-not upset or anything. He came over and rubbed my back for a minute and then said have a good day sweets-he always called me sweets-and looked at me for a minute and left.

This is so hard-I just wanted to run to him crying saying I love you-I neever wanted you to leave-but I didnt I tried to stay calm but I dont feel that way inside. I am so scared he wont come back.

Stop being scared. He needs to be back in your home, but with no contact with the other woman.

You have been doing very well. Stay calm, don't panic. You need to spend less time thinking about the what if's, and more time working on making your life nice.

Do you have your home ready for the holidays?

No-I havent even put up a tree. We were planning on going to Disneyland-the 3 of us. I am still taking my son-he was looking forward to it so much. I was thinking of going to Target today and buying a really small tree jus to put on a table or something.

Yes he does need to be back in our home -this is a stupid question but how long till they come to their senses?

Okay, go to Disneyland with your son. It is WONDERFUL at Christmas. I went with my 2 boys and my mom years ago. It wasn't crowded and was all lit up.

Get yourself out of constantly thinking about WH. I know it is hard, but you are saving your family here. Get a tree, decorate your home, do some holiday things. Put WH on the back burner. I'm sure he will come around soon. It is time for you to get busy! Spend your energy on making your home a warm and welcoming place.

I went today and bought a little tree-it is kind of cheesy but my son will like it. We will be going to Disneyland and I will make it fun for him even if I dont feel it.

I feel your pain. If you figure out the answer, please let me know.

I've been using the serenity prayer lately.

SDGuy

I feel like I am going to have a panic attack-I keep thinking that the weekend is coming and this will be our first weekend apart and the 1st's are always scary. I imagine him going out meeting girls at bars or whatever-I am so scared. I keep wondering if I did the right thing. I know why would I want him there if he was treating me the way he was-sometimes it seems easier to have him there being an idiot than not being there at all. I know that is wrong thinking!!