Just found out that my ex is getting re-married. We've been divored since 7/05. I don't know...I'm not suprised because she is a cute girl and very outgoing, but it still hurts a little. I have to admit I'm jealous because I'm just now selling the married house, not dating anyone seriously, yet my ex has managed to find someone to love and move on. I just feel stagnant, like I'm still picking up the pieces.

Just wondering how others have handled your ex'es getting remarried. How do you cope?

And you will probably make better choices than will she. It is better to take time and heal than it is to rush into something.

I think just time. It takes a while when the other person moves on first. At least that's what my mother said.

I personally am hoping my ex will find a wonderful woman with a nice house. That would make my girls' time with their father more... hygenic. LOL.

Any one other there want a handsome antique book dealer? He's very smart, and can be funny. He likes to eat at nice restaurants.

timn,

Try not to think of it as being so grand.Yes they may be going first,before you,down the asile but that doesn't mean good times ahead.I'm not sure if this woman your ex is marrying was the OW but I would venture to say many WS's don't ever really learn from what they did and drag that baggage into the next relationship/marriage.They are bent on moving ahead and don't look back at the destruction.

Yes we are left to pick up the pieces but I think that makes us smarter in the end.MB people, I think, are way ahead of the average person out there struggling with relationships.You'll get there if and when you're ready.I know for me I am having a great time being on my own right now and I wouldn't trade that for being with a guy for anything.You have some transitions to go through and losing the marriage home can be tough.Cope with that as best you can and put dating on the back burner for now.jmho

P.S. I know for sure that my ex will remarry too and soon but I don't care.I have mentally prepared for it based on all his other actions.The OW isn't getting some great partner in life.She is getting the cheater she committed adultery with and who wrecked his family with.They deserve eachother...

My ex got remarried also. I thought it would not bother me much, but it did.

I would get your good friends about you, plan for something fun in your life at that time.

It will pass.

I'm in the same position. We were divorced less than a year ago and I just found out the other day that she is engaged. The thing of it is that I hadn't seen her in over a year and she came by to exchange some property the other day. I did not expect to her to be there but she was. I felt like it went well and that a burden had been lifted off me. I had been trying to get this done for a while and after I really felt that I was over her and ready to move on. Then two days later I here the news and it really bothers me.

I feel like I had a relapse or something. I hadn't thought about her near as much as I used to and now she is on my mind all the time again. I feel the same things that you do, like she is moving on and I am still picking up the pieces.

I am wondering the same things as you. How do I cope with this?

although my ex isn't yet getting remarried, she is usually out on a date or with some dude when she calls my house while I am putting our daughter to bed. I don't care. In fact if she settles on one I would like to meet the guy, give him a few bucks to take her out and shake his hand for getting her attention away from me. i realize some people are still in love with or have feelings for their ex even after thing is final. I just can't relate because I feel nothing for my ex other than "hey, she's the mother of my daughter so let's be civil and construction for my kid's sake". I believe you have to move on. she/he isn't going to stay celibate or hole themselves up in a tower for the rest of their lives. I the new marriage will make your relationship better in the sense that it will bring closure (i hate that word but all other message boarders love it) to whatever you two had between you. As the Durham Bulls pitching coach played by Robert Wuhl said in Bull Durham "Candlesticks make a nice gift".

the day my ex remarries, especially if it is ow, i will laff so hard.... i think for a wedding gift i should send them my copy of surviving an affair and any other infidelity books i read while trying to survive the mess, because they both cheated on their spouses, one has to know that a leopard does NOT change his spots...

wonder who will cheat first? one of them, mark my words, would eventually be needing those books.

but seriously, i could care less if he remarries and i hope it is to ow so she can see exactly what it is like to be married to that narcissistic sociopathic control freak.

good riddance to bad rubbish.
i no longer smell like the trash i was living with thank god.

mlhb

mlhb, I really wish that I could say the same. I don't know why it has been so hard to let her go, especially with all the ****** she put me through, but for some reason I am just not able to let go like that. I hope someday in the near future I will feel the way you do and be able to say good riddance.

I love your idea for a wedding gift. I might just have to give a gift like that if it comes to it.

My ex actually became a bit less of a psycho after remarrying, so it has been a relative pleasure coparenting with her ever since.

I know that some feel that the first one to remarry is somehow a success, while the one remaining single is a loser - but I disagree (for obvious reasons <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ). It is easy to get married; in my experience, the one to rush into remarriage is not the "successful" one but the more desperate one, who cannot handle life on their own. Not surprisingly, it is usually the cheaters who rush to remarry (not necessarily the affair partners).

The ones who fought for the marriage are usually not so desperate to remarry, as they have stronger backbones - not a sign of weakness, a sign of strength.

Like mlhb said (yup, mark this day, I am going to agree with her), send the guy a card and wish him good luck - then sit back and have a nice glass of wine, and giggle <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

It is easy to get married; in my experience, the one to rush into remarriage is not the "successful" one but the more desperate one, who cannot handle life on their own. Not surprisingly, it is usually the cheaters who rush to remarry (not necessarily the affair partners).

The ones who fought for the marriage are usually not so desperate to remarry, as they have stronger backbones - not a sign of weakness, a sign of strength.

You make a great point AGoodGuy and I never really thought of it like that. I am definitely taking my time before I even consider marriage again.

flattery will get you everywhere agg... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

chuckle..

thank you, you agreeing with ME, now that is a first.

mlhb

Don't be silly... we agree plenty on Coughlin's issues <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

AGG

Haven't been on the site a little while....been busy working and finding new past times! Felt a little down tonite, kids are with the ex. Thanks AGG for the above...After my divorce, I almost immediately started a relationship which lasted for a year, but was doomed after a few months. My (now ex) GF wanted to marry and I wasn't keen at that point...I've posted this saga here previously. My ex has got a BF now and travels with him regularly, whilst I have remained single (a little by choice as I've not been chasing a date). It does get me down thinking that she has moved on, and I'm still by myself...but others have rightly suggested that I should be happy with myself and the kids....there is no rush to remarry, I much rather remain single that make the same mistake again. Having said that, I'm sure I would be a liitle upset if and when my Ex remarries...

with all the losers that my X dates, i suspect that she may get married again, but that it won't last more than 5 years. . I would take that bet. . . and she did a lot of damage to the kids' growing up because of her weekend live in boyfirends that were trash. . . she is becoming trash herself, looking for a desperate man she can lord over with money and shelter. . .

my kids told me that they would prefer not to have a mixed family arrangement, even tonight, they wanted their mom by herself instead of with boyfriend when I dropped them off. . and that my son has finally figured out life for himself well enough that he realizes that i encouraged his independence and individualism. . .

so with kids, getting remarried right away is not a great idea, and at different times, my kids have told me that they didn't want me remarried right away. . . and i was a better parent being always available to them. . . and not having to drag them into a household with people that they didn't have a choice about wanting to become friends. .

without kids, if the spouse isn't happy with you, be thankful that they had the independence to make the decision, instead of hanging around making everyone miserable in the future. I had a dinner with a college friend of mine, who is divorced, remarried, and the wife was very, very shy got married at 40 + for the first time. .

and went through a ton of guys, but is ready to be a wife finally, and came from a dysfunctional family. . .so we shall see. . . my friend has never been good about selecting women. . . oh, and his ex wife is a kooky as mine. .

take time and work on yourself as my kids know that i hate what their mom did to our family. . . and still does with her stupid decisions. .

wiftty