H and I have been separated for two months after he moved out and said he wasn't coming back. Over the last couple of weeks he has been being more open has wanted to spend more time with me. <P>He has talked a lot about how he was feeling depressed (he is still looking for a job) and how much he enjoys talking to me. Said he has been thinking a lot about what he truly values in life (without telling me what those things are). He also said he had moved an interview trip because he did not want to be out of town on our anniversary - that he couldn't imagine not spending it with me. I said the anniversary date was going to be tough for me too - and we agreed we would like to spend it together. (His words were that he would like to "celebrate" together - ummm, huh?, celebrate what?) Anyway, he also wants to "talk" at some point about the last two months have been for each of us.<P>We spent most of the last weekend together - we had a lot of kid activities, but he also wanted to spend a lot of time with me only - he suggested watching a movie and well, one thing led to another and he was still here Mon. a.m. . (OK- I'm not real good at the "taking it slow" advice some of you have been giving me.) It was wonderful - and I could tell he really wanted to be with me, but I was a wreck the next day - once again trying to figure out what his motivations are. And I had been doing so well just focusing on me! I have not missed the rollercoaster one bit.<P>I'm scared. Plain and simple. I'm afraid of being hurt again. He makes no mention of OW and I do not ask. Is it better to just stand by and see if he brings it up? It doesn't feel honest because it is an unspoken but obvious question on my part. I do not want to start seeing him (i.e. being emotionally/physically close again) if they are still involved with each other - but I have not stated this (mostly because - well, it all happened so fast and I wasn't really expecting it). I sense he is sending out feelers for possible reconciliation or at least for putting the separation into a different light (i.e. - not necessarily a prelude to divorce). Any thoughts?<BR>

Hi Starpony<P>Have emailed you!

Bringing this back up. Any input is appreciated. Do you think I should ask about OW and their relationship? Going slow is really tough for me - I think that is telling me that I am not really ready to reconcile because I am still so affected by his emotional swings...<P>I'm a wreck again...

Starpony, I may not be much help, but wanted to tell you I understand exactly what you are going through. H has been moved out for 2 1/2 weeks on his own, supposedly with the intention of returning home, but to make absolutley sure he will not hurt me again.<P>We see each other a few times a week and I try my best not to bring her up, I just ask, how are you doing with things and if he brings it up then we talk. I try not to push.<P>But yes you get back on the rollercoster and as far as me saying, take it slow and easy, easier said than done. I've decided to take a just wait and see attitude and that is not easy either.<P>It's not healthy to keep things in, but I think right now as he starting to show an interest in things I would try to unless he brings it up. Don't let him think you are obsessed with it, but try and hang onto your heart to. I'm trying my best right now and it is scary!<P>------------------<BR>Lilly<P><BR>

Starpony,<P>Are you in plan A again? or a little of A and a little of B? How are you handling it, knowing there could still be contact? <P>How will he react if you ask about OW? Will he think it is a major lovebuster? <P>Do you think this affair will end in time, or by some of your actions? <P>Do you think when this affair does end, that your husband will not divorce, but come back to you?

Hey, Starpony! Here we are, together again! Check out my recent posts -- my H appears to be waffling again. I can definitely relate to the being scared!!! <P>My advice -- don't push, don't ask about the OW. Just go along as if you really didn't care what he's doing. If you enjoy being with him, then do it. Just don't ask for explanations, because my guess is that he really doesn't have any explanations to give you at this point. <P>Don't let his ambivalence keep you from creating a life for yourself! And remember to treat yourself with respect and dignity!

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. H got back from out of town tonight and called me from his place. Asked if I had a sitter yet for our anniversary so he hasn't forgotten that he suggested we spend this evening together...(hey - I'm trying not to be too optimistic - OK).<P>loveu - good to hear from the new "u". thanks for the e-mail<P>Lilly - you and Ani are my parallel lives. Are you saying your H moved back with you and then out again? I guess I thought he was still in the apartment? How did the "dates" go? I find it is really hard to keep things "slow and easy" - but like the idea of seeing each other but staying separated for now.<P>M4B (rhymes with ??) - Hope you are well. Good to see your probing mind at work again. I think he feels very guilty about OW so does that mean that my bringing her up would be a lovebuster? I do think his affair will end in time - I do not feel my actions will affect the timeframe at all. Last question - YES.<P>Hi Ani-<BR>I haven't jumped in on your recent posts but have followed them with great interest as they say. You are really a role model in the "respect and dignity" department. Your H is demonstrating just the kind of behavior that drives me crazy with mine. One day they want to talk, the next they look at you like you're from another planet if you remind them. But I do plan to follow your advice - certainly on our anniversary - I do not want the ghost of OW in the shadows on this day if I can help it! <P>Now...what should I wear???? (Guys - feel free to jump in here.)<P>

Wool sweater, with a raincoat and combat boots.<P>Kidding, of course. It sounds like you love him very much, and aren't sure about what you want at the same time, which is perfectly natural under the circumstances.<P>Dress somewhere in the middle: make sure you look beautiful, but don't go really slinky just yet. Look nice, but not "sexy". <P>It may end up sexy anyway....<P>Eric

Drmweaver - you made me laugh! Not many guys can really relate when a girl asks "what should I wear?" but you seem to understand the insecurity and ambivalence behind the question. Thanks.<P>Hope you are doing well...

Starpony<BR>I wrote a long, somewhat intelligent reply yesterday and .....<BR>Yup - it was right as the forum went down!!<BR>Just wanted to let you know I've been thinking of you. I haven't a clue what I had written.<BR>Just try really hard to concentrate on you and your H for now. Your questions will be answered evetually. <BR>You're doing great. Give youreself a pat on the back!!!

I read your topic header "does he want to come back" and realized all morning I've been wondering about my H "does he want to stay?" It's so hard when they have moved in and out, have announced they want a divorce, decide that maybe they don't, but that doesn't mean they'll TALK to you... .<P>Anyway, good luck on the anniversary. Look gorgeous, smell wonderful .<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

The trickle starts the stream then on to the river. From what I've followed on your posts, this is the early stage of his return. <BR>Anybody want to lay some money on this? Its' a safe bet. <BR>Be nice, be patient.

Starpony, He never moved home, but away from the OW. Most of the dates are nice. Sometimes I can see he's lost but I've done pretty good when he was. This isn't real easy either, but none of this so why not a different approach? Have fun!<P>------------------<BR>Lilly<P><BR>