SS -


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Hi HB.

Yes, W is on prescription, but she didn't knowingly take them. W was apparantly drunk and in a major load of grief from the death of our pet.

The issue, as I see it, is after 24 months of a deteriorating drinking problem, she goes to get help and the hospital doesn't announce to us that they have no alcohol treatment programs. The Doc lied to us and said she was being admitted to a medical floor for detox. Then the police show up to "escort" her. Her trust in getting help has vanished. I'm not so sure I wouldn't be thinking the same.

Now for the next step. W told me last night she would possibly consent to outpatient but not residential treatment upon release. I just think this event took her from h=where she needed to go to, as she puts it, "******"(Her vision of "One Flew Over the Coo-Coo's Nest.)

The psychiatrist didn't admit her and he is scheduled to come in once a day, unannounced.

The staff would not give me his office number. They said any information has to be released by the Doctor including his number. Privacy law run amuck I guess, so I don't know what the "plan" is.

I think at this point we both continue to do the "right" thing and it seems as though "rewards" are elusive.
We took our pet at 3:30 Am in an ice storm to an emergency clinic who gave him moriphine and he was ok to take to our vet when they opened up later in the day. He was dead within minutes of taking him our of our car upon returning. My W had the horrifying experiance of having him pass in our living room floor under and trying to administer mouth to mouth. Her faith in the "system" is not good right now.

I get my 2 hours a day and just let her talk interjecting only a little positive re-inforcement. It seems as though we can't steer our own course right now and that is aggrivating.

Unfortunatly my 2 hours overlaps the Alannon meetings so I may begin the online version.

Thanks for your continuing support HB.

Hi SS -


Mixing perscription medication and alcohol is a huge no-no. And this situation is a good example of why. (Just call me Captain Obvious <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).


I can understand her position. The hospital apparently, based on what you've shared, led you both (intentionally or not) down the prim rose path.

It is important, I think, to note that this is one hospital and one group of people, and that not all hospitals/groups will act this way. Yes, your wife is going to be gunshy, and so are you. Now that the crisis is passed, take a little bit of time (with your wife, if she is willing) to research various options, interview groups, etc. Find what fits and works for both of you.


An outpatient program might be fine for her. It would give you both the added benefit of being able to spend more time together in the comfort of your home, or going out and doing fun things together. Perhaps she could try (really try) an outpatient program, and decide from that if she needs the structure of an inpatient program.


That doesn't make any sense to me. Can you leave a message requesting that he contact you as soon as he can? As your wife's husband, I would think that you would have a greater amount of latitude within the privacy laws. I can think of no reason to keep a spouse in the dark. They don't keep parents in the dark, do they?

Again, I would suggest you find a patient advocacy line or committee or something at the hospital and get your grievance moving up the chain of command as fast as you can.


It's understandable. But most of your attempts to do the right thing are coming during crisis situations, when decisions have to be made fast.

Your wife appears to be committed to still seeking help. Now is the time to sit down together and research the options that are out there. Do interviews, talk to people who have used the various programs to get their impressions, etc. The system is huge, and it's impersonal. Do your homework and you can make the system work for you.


Not to beat a dead horse (or a living one, for that matter <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />), but why not start focusing on those things that you can control or influence? Start making plans for your next steps once she's out of the hospital. There may not be much you can do to change the current situation, but you can start getting things lined up and planned for when she is released. Given the nature of the admission (due to an attempted OD), I don't think they'll keep her all that long (though I could be wrong).

Don't let yourself get wrapped up in the things you can't change. You couldn't change the fact that your wife had an A, could you? Nope...but you could do your part to lay the foundation to recover your marriage.

Same principle applies here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Could you get your 2 hours changed? Given the (most likely) short duration of this situation, I'd pick time with your wife over al-anon, but get back to al-anon as soon as possible (or use the online versions in the meantime).

I think it's a very positive sign that your wife has not backed off completely from getting help. Just keep encouraging her, let her talk, and try to keep things light and bright in your conversations.

She has to work through this herself. Once she's through it, she'll look back and see that you were right there alongside her the whole time - and that will pay huge dividends in your recovery, I think.

Keep us posted on how things go.

LOL. Ok I am calm again.

BTW, one of the reasons I have been suseptable to health care accountability was I had an autopsy done on our dog that died and he passed from anaphylactic shock likely due to the moriphone given to him by the emergency clinic.

They discharged him within minutes of being given the drug and had little or no observation. They dispute that they did anything wrong as well as the autopsy result(another vet's opinion). As such, I have been a bit on edge with THE ESTABLISHMENT.

On to better news, W may be discharged today. We had an excellent time last night and she, although stressed a bit, was laughing with me and showing me her smile for the first time in weeks.

W acutally says she might be glad what happened did as she might have been closer to the edge than she thought. Her plan is to go into intensive outpatient treatment as soon as next week. Its a three night/week, 3 hours/night 6 week program that is affiliated with AA.

W actually wants me to go with her to a "telling" on Saturday night if she is out of the hospital.

W seems to have had a paradigm shift in her thinking. She asked me if I would update her resume as she wants to get another job for both of us.

At this point still talk but she can't do much else where she is.

The psychiatrist spoke with me for a few this morning and suggested Alannon and coping.org for me and the outpatient, AA, and coping.org for the W.

He didn't offer any current state or likely prognosis, just to be supportive on the positive with her and less forgiving of the negatives. Although we all have some negatives, I think I understand what he was saying.

One area my W and I haven't spoken about was what in her character allowed the EA to begin with and what boundaries she needs in place to ensure this doesn't happen again.

This isn't a subject I plan on bringing up for some time, but I don't want it to be forgotten either. Not sure where in recovery this even would or should come up.

Any suggestions?

We are making plans to visit a B&B for a long weekend in another month, going to go on a movie/diner date this week end, and we are going to both build a craft room out of a spare bedroom for her to do some painting and things other than drink in front of the tube.

I think to myself at some time I will need some more from her regarding her boundaries against a future A and feeling that I am still going to be carrying the load for a good while longer if I don't say something.

W gets out late Thursday and gets drunk Friday and Sunday nights.

Starts ourpatient today if that means anything.

We had very nasty fight last night. First time in many months we have had words while W drunk. She usually doesn't remember but I do and my LB is being drained.

Not sure what she has to say while drinking means anything or is just said out of anger. W can be a mean drunk.

I am getting very tired and dispirited.

Not sure her going to outpatient is anything more than any other lip service she is dishing out.

We are approaching 5 months from d day and 3 months when I sent my boundaries about not having a M with drinking having ownership. Am I expecting too much too fast now that she is supposed to start treatment?

Hi SS -

How are things going since your last post?

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been taking a break from MB to focus on other things that need attention, and it was good to take the break.

Let us know where things stand.