For the first time in 9 months, I finally saw my H. We met at a restaurant and as soon as we saw each other, we shared a big hug. Nothing much was said at first, just some idle chatter. Then we got down to it, and he is filing in about a month. He says he isn't in a relationship right now, but "hangs out" with different people. I thought he looked like hell, lost weight, not looking very healthy. I tried to ask him why this is happening and all he said was that he didn't want to talk about it. He likes being alone. Not much was said about our son either, unless I brought it up. We tried to figure out finances, etc. and then he left. <BR><BR>All the feelings I thought I was getting over came rushing back, only worsened by the feeling that I was seeing a man who looked sad and somehow defeated. Maybe I read into it, but it doesn't matter, since he is clear that he will not try. <BR><BR>So it was crying jag time for me last night. God, I wish all of you a better chance than I had.

ATW-<P>I have been staying w/ your story. You haven't posted for awhile; it's nice to hear from you again.<P>It is never hopeless, not if you still care. I know how you feel. My h filed a couple of weeks ago. He too, has no intention of trying. He says we are water under the bridge. He has moved on and that I need to do the same. <P>We also have a child, and I really don't understand how a parent can leave them. Something happens that we don't know about. They probably don't understand it either. <P>Do you tell him that you love him? Did you state your intentions? Are you planning on seeing him again?<P>Cry all you need to; it is part of the healing process. Just remember you have friend here to help you through this, no matter what happens in you marriage.<P>I'm praying for you and your son.<P>Cheryl

ATW -<P>Big hugs to you and your son. I felt my breath catch reading your post - 9 months (has it been that long?).<P>Sounds like you handled yourself very well. I know how hard it is to see someone you love so sad and depressed. They talk the talk, but the walk just isn't there. You know there are so many spouses who say they are "going to file"....but then don't - because they are so confused. regardless, he can only work through this himself - but it is clear that he is not yet totally comfortable with the choice.<P>Cry if you need to and keep focusing on you. You are terrific.<P>

Hi ATW -<P>I'm so sorry that your H doesn't seem to want to try....and then to be looking so sad or down. I don't get that!! My H is like that too, and if they are so happy and know what they want - why doesn't it show?<P>I guess I should change my name to stubborn because I am not going to stop trying, nor will I stop learning and growing....I hope that H will one day see that as his alternative also.<P>Hang in there and let yourself grieve.<P>It's all in God's hands now....or maybe His foot and it will bump H in the butt!!<P>HUGS and Strength,<P>Sheba

ATW:<P>You and your family are in my prayers. And I think you're terrific too!

ATW<P>I'm so sorry; I can so relate! It will pass, though, and it will get better. Promise.<P>Something interesting happened this morning: He had been forwarding Ralph Marsten's Daily Motivators to me each day until I made an observation last week about one that talked about happy memories. What is it when your happiest memories were really all lies? He stopped forwarding them to me; I've been getting them via auto-forward. To be honest, I've been having a tough time with anger and bitterness - after all, he lied to me from the very beginning - 15 years; my entire adult life. I think I've got a good reason to be angry, even though I don't want to be.<P>I got two copies of today's Motivator... It was entitled "Forgiveness". Even though it talked about forgiving "little" things and what he did certainly wasn't a "little" thing, he took the time to forward a copy of it to me. I wonder if it was his way of asking my forgiveness? I think it'll be an awfully long time before I can go there...<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P>

Thanks to all of you for your emotional support. After so many months I thought I was really dealing with this loss, but seeing H again brought so many feelings back. I found myself wanting to comfort him, even after the hell he has put me thru. I guess I will never know why he gave up, why he won't try. My friend who was at the bar the nite I saw H called me to say she thought he was vacant, maybe suffering from depression. But we can't help someone who doesn't want help. <BR><BR>Thanks again to all.

ATW -- I'm sorry you were disappointed with your meeting. You have come such a long way. Try to keep yourself up. Thoughts and prayers ... Janie

ATW,<P>I've been wondering how you were holding up. Don't worry 'it will get better' - what a cliché but totally true. It's finally happening for me, living proof you might say. But I will tell you that I got a call from soon to be 'X' yesterday - haven't talked to him since June, a 2 second call left me nervous and shaking, but I didn't have a crying jag so it is improving...<P>Take care okay. I'm around occasionally if you need to vent.