You're right! Stress free holiday; Tell WH he needs to find a venue to host HIS family, that you will be otherwise engaged, since he no longer participates as a family member. You are under NO OBLIGATION to do anything for his family. This is not a punishment, this is HIS family, consequence of his actions.

DO NOT allow WH to use your daughter. That is despicable and unacceptable and he needs to be made aware of that. His affair has nothing to do with her and she should be NO part of his argument. RIDICULOUS!

Please Please Please LISTEN to those who are telling you not to lay down and let him continue to kick you. YOU are not to act as victim, got it! Chin up, this is WAR! You have found this place at a very opportune time. USE this wisdom. Go against your gut right now and implement QUICKLY what people here are telling you (ark^^, Mulan, and Luna will guide you well, if you only listen).

Do not take responsibility for his actions. Do not act as if his actions are OK. Do not placate him. He is WAYWARD, you can bet on it, whether EA or PA, wayward all the same. Do not coddle; you are a woman just like those he is dating, not his mother. He has one. CHIN up! Let him take responsibility for his actions; there are consequences.

Get legal visitation established....

clearly defined visitation...

EXPOSE to the OW....tell her that going out with YOUR husband is very very disrpespectful and damaging to MARRIAGE>..

single women should NOT go out with married men...it's disrespectful...

tell her this...there is NO reason NOT to....
if I was "just friends" with a married man and the friend married man's wife said that MY actions were hurtful you dayum well better know I would be more than happy to bow out rather than hurt MY "friends" wife....for in hurting his wife...I would be hurting my "friend"

speak your peace

DISINVITE your husband for Christmas....offer times for him to visit with his daughter and then make OTHER arrangements to go somewhere ESLE instead of people at your house...

sorry dear husband little change in christmas plans...we are now going to blankety blanks home from this time to that time...we will be home at this time if you want to visit daughter...

get this legally visitation nailed down and remove yourself from the power struggle..

ARK^^

Hi Ali,

Will he be home, watching the kids at any point on Friday? I'd have him over, and leave him with the kids. Go out with your HS Friend. Or tell him that since he has plans, he needs to arrange for child-care. You told him of your plans 1st, his OW doesnt automatically go to the front of the line.

I'd call his parents and tell them that xmas will be at OW's house, and give them the address. Let them know how you cannot handle this while your H is dating, that you will be with your family for support.

H*ll would freeze over before did all that work!!!

I am sorry he's not been responsive. Please, please take care!! - Dru

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Perfect!
Mulan

Right On, Drucilla! This makes the best sense!

Ali, Please HEAR what people are saying, no FEAR. The worst has happened, what more is there to fear AND NEVER live in that fear again, be proactive now.

But not very Plan A.... it's a tough balance - Dru

I agree, boo-hoo, not Plan A. BUT, and this is a big one, Plan A is not supporting an A either, so it is a fine line. Holidays, humph, they are the tough times. Still, I would not be party to his 'dating' while you are home hosting his family. I would set up time for him to spend with your DD, and call it a day. YOU can look fabulous, and BE fabulous while he is in your presence, and then be firm when it is time for WH to leave.

Ok well, wow - update on me real quick. I had an awesome job interview today and they want to fly me up north this week for the next round of interviews. I want this so much, I think it will help me out of my own rut and allow ME to be ME outside of all this crap...

As for Friday - my girlfriends are coming into town and H said that if they were then he would watch Mia and I could go out... HAHA - I won that one... To bad he can't have his Holiday date...

Please understand that I am listening to all of you, but I honestly adore his family and they are my family too - and his mom knows everything that is gong on, and she supports me. But she also is an amazing caretaker to Mia and when I need this woman she is there for me, so there is a reason to be sweet to his FAMILY....

As for being sweet to H.... Well, I had decided before he brought up his date with OW, that I would plan a a bit more over the Holidays. Are you saying I should not. I really don't want things to be tense. And I say that for me - not for anyone else -- My dad is coming here for the first time since my mom died on November 1, 2006 - and this is our first Christmas without her - and I really want him to be comfy and have fun, and to be truthful, if Mia is around and family is around (regardless of whose family), then I know it will make it less emotional for me and my dad...

I am scared senseless that I will be sitting at the dinner table surrounded by people I love and who love me - only to break down and cry because my mom (my best friend in the whole world) is not with us... Sometimes, even when things around you suck, they suck a lot less, compared to the bigger picture... IE - yeah - H sucks, but I don't want to be alone this year, I just can't handle not having family around - I just lost 1/3 of my family and I feel like I really need to cherish what I have left and that does include H's mom, dad, and brother, etc...

Sorry for the ramble. i am not trying to make excuses. I will get my act together after Xmas, but this on top of not having my mom is the hardest thing I have ever been through - the mom thing mainly. I have yet, I feel, been able to mourn her, and I just am trying to get through all of this the best I can...

Thank you all, I am listening, but give me until after the Holidays to get my sh*t together, please. I am begging you...

Just a quick update on the phone thing... I now have my very own phone... Did it all by myself... Yippy!!! I think h was a little surprised. Haha - I feel really good about this for some reason. A little bit of "freedom" maybe??

Well, anyway - that is it. Such a busy week coming up with interviews and travel - I feel important right now. It is nice to be wanted - for a job - a good job... I feel like life may be taking a turn for me - for me to get a life and one that involves me and Mia only... I think I like it... It just feels good...

Hi Ali222,

I've just spent the last 4 hours reading your entire thread - right from the very beginning when you were Alison222.

You've been through h$ll for over 12 months.

What's happening? Are you ok? I was disappointed to see your thread ended back in mid December.

Just hoping you're still around and wondering how you are. Can't read a year's worth of thread, get to know what someone's going through and not care about where they are.

So so sorry to hear about your Mom. I really hope you're doing ok.