Hey guys,
Well another week of plan "a"ing my a$$ off has gone by. We had a really great time together at the blues club last Friday. I think she was surprised that I only had 1 beer! lol Normally I would have been stumbling out of the place. Really sux that cokes are the same price as a frosty Corona.
Anyway, I continued to be "happy" started her car for her all week . It's been single digits here in Chi-town. She really appreciated that I ran outside still in my PJ's to do that for her.
She complemented my cooking almost every night this week. Normally she would have eaten and hit the computer right away. Although since I am not drinking we are eating by 7ish instead of after 9 . I realize what a drunk I was back then. Geez what a di$k I was !
I have backed off on the "I love You's" she never repeated them to me anyway. Just said " I know" everytime. Which kinda hurt so I stopped saying it at all. Just keep working out keeping myself busy with that and housework . To keep my head clear it helps me to avoid thinking about details of the A.
I ordered lovebusters last night. I have finished HN/HN and SAA . I started reading HN/HN again and I place it down a certain way when I am done. I see now and then that she has picked it up . Weather she reads it or not I am not sure.
I have noticed that she shoes more appreciation and affection this past week though. Thats a good sign. This morning as she was heading out the door for work she said "good bye" followed by a Quick " love you" I liked that but it caught me off guard. All I managed to mutter was "bye sweetie."
I don't know if that response will help or hurt me butr we'll see. Full moon tonite lets hope it stokes the romance flames a bit.
Well thats the update up here in the great white north.Or should I say great salty north? Just checking in with you all. Have a great weekend. Go Bears.

See, you're getting the hang of this. Only several more MONTHS to go! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Jim,
By the way congrats on the job thing. Will keep plugging along.

Glad to hear it ChiDad,

Remember that this is a long road with many ups and downs. When you hit a down part just hang tough and wait it out.

It gets hard when you get a little something like an ILY and expect more, but don't get anymore for a while.

Your on the right path and keep up the good work.

Go Bears - from cheese land.

Yeah,
I am feeling a downturn coming on now. Funny thing is I haven't seen my wife since this morning. I had thoughts of what they said to each other while on the phone pass through my head a few mins. ago. Nothing I have actually heard just my imagination going wild. Then I started thinking about one of her nighties that I saw in the drawer yesterday. I don't recall ever seeing her wear it .I don't recall seeing it before either. I don't often look in that drawer though. Just got me started "did he send this to her?" I don't know if I should even ask. Maybe she did wear it for me in the past and I was too wasted to even notice. :-(
Anyway, those ideas were in my head and I started thinking about maybe divorce isn't such a bad option. I quickly dismissed that idea but, is it normal to ponder that option from time to time? I was also wondering if I should tell her that I have had these thoughts, or wait until we are actually working towards recovery.

It's fine to tell her that you hurt and your having a hard time with your thoughts. Don't over do it, but you can make your statements/ peace and move on.

Your feelings are very normal at this point. You still have hurt and so does she in some ways. She will have more hurt/guilt as she comes to full terms with what she did and how it hurt you and the family.

I think every BS in your sitch had thought of "Is this even worth the effort? Should I keep going?"

Let me tell you from someone who has made it out the other end - YES.

need another goal? My wife told me that this weekend she will try things we have never done before. I have no idea what this may be, but I'll be home on time tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your doing fine and you forgot - Go Bears!!

m2l
I know you'e been in plan a for 7 mos. When did you start seeing signs of her coming around? Even a little bit.

6 months a 3.5 weeks - Just kidding

Plan A started in May and We would go and do things together, but it was just that going and doing. No great loving feelings happening. In Oct my wife started saying things like:
"I bet you hate me"
"This is all my fault for putting us in this sitch"

Then in late Nov she said:
"I wouldn't blame you if you left me"

Then mid Dec she just cracked one day with we were Christmas shopping. We spent the day talking and she just didn't stop talking. How OM just used her, how she hurt me and so on. By the end of the day she was crying. Everyday after that she would meet more and more of my needs and still does that today.

A long path, but again, worth it.

OK,
I am starting to see her talking to me a lot more. Actually last night she asked me about my job. She really seemed to be interested. We talked for about an hour about each others jobs.I really do love that woman who peeks out once in a while. I am so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.
GO BEARS

This is all good and is part of you two coming togther again/more.

THe talk about jobs was the same for me. We wife almost never asked about my job before dday. As time went on she would ask more and more and now she fills me in on her job everyday.

Yes it does feel good to see your wife come around some.

keep trying to hit the 15 hours of together time each week .

Good news, cd. One thing you must do, is to keep what I call the "lifetime version" of Plan A in effect. All the personal changes you've made to be a better person/husband are things you must maintain. Otherwise, things will turn sour again.

That's one of the harder parts, but it's working for me...

Best wishes,
SD

Well I found out that she echanges e-mails with him from work!Last time I can see was 1-24-2007 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> He also has her work number which she sent him! F#$k

Ok, easy does it. This does happen. You can go over this with your wife though.

Let her know that this hurts you and you don't see how this will help your M.

Ask her how you can help her to make sure she doesn't contact him agian.

Contact her work and let them know about her affair and how you expect them not to allow her to continue with her personal calls and emails.

Chidad,

Withdrawal is not easy. Look how many times my WW has contacted OM after she agreed to NC.

OK, I am going to let it ride for now. They were only forwarded e-mails of funny jokes or quizzes etc. Nothing personal about them. I don't want to reveal my only source of info yet.We talked I calmed down I told her I was just having a downturn and that it will happen from time to time. She should expect it , but also expect them to become less frequent as we get closer to recovery.

She said that she is "trying to get to the place that I want her to be" that I need to let her get there her own way. She mentioned again that she feels confused and smothered. I listened she also brought up specific events in which I really let her down, while I was drinking. She said that she knows I don't trust her. I said I don't now but I want to again. It will happen I just don't know when. I asked her if she believed me. That I wasn't going to drink like that anymore. She replied" I guess it's wait and see for both of us".

I told her that her feelings made perfect sense. That I was feeling frusterated because I felt like I was being used.I told her that I am doing everything that I can imagine to make her feel loved and cared for.
She said " I know you are I can see that things are getting better, but I feel smothered by all of this." I responded that maybe I am trying to do too much all at once. I mentioned the 10 EN's and that since she hadn't filled out the questionaire. I was trying to meet all 10 of them at once! which probably was too much for her to take in and too much for me to give out.
Since she hadn'tread anything about EN's I attempted to explain some of them to her. After two or three I just pulled out the questionaire and we each read over it together. I think it made some sense to her.She said, "Geez I would hate t osee how you rate me on some of these!"
She said, "I feel like you are making me take a test." I said " No , I am trtying to understand what you need. That I want to know what is important to her emotionally so that I can be the man who meets those needs. We talked for like 2 hours Saturday afternoon. We were worn out. I told her that she didn't have to fill out the form right away .That she should think about it first. We got up and she said, ok I will take your test. Then we went on with the rest of the weekend without mentioning it at all.
I think I will fill out my questionaire this afternoon. I think she will be surprised with how much I really appreciate the things that she does do. Maybe realize that some of the things she doesn't are more important to me than she realized. Should I wait until hers is filled out before I let her see mine. Is this supposed to be something exchanged at the same time?

Chicagodad, I have just come across your thread. I was in the same position as your wife. I had a strictly on-line affair. I believe our M is pretty well recovered at this point, but I wanted to let you know I'm out here if you have any questions for someone once in your wife's position.

My BH followed some, not all, but most of MB principles after discovery. I may not have liked it all at first but I can tell you that now, well out of the fog, I have more respect and esteem for my husband than I have ever had.

It sounds like you're on the right track, hang in there. I wish you and your family, especially your daughters, the best of luck.

Mom2

cd, you are getting the hang of this. The road to recovery is like a delicate dance, with a truckload of eggshells on the dance floor.

The whole journey must be paved with love and understanding, and you are using the right words at the right time to keep the process moving forward.

An "average" FWW wants to sweep it all under the carpet and move forward. All that will get you is a marriage just as vulnerable as the marriage you had before.

Continue to introduce your FWW to the MB principals, without "giving up" your source. Most FWS's view MB as cult-like, and threatening, because it's the "weapon" of choice for a BS trying to save their marriage.

You are on the right path. And doing a very good job of it. Be confident in your efforts. Remain patient, because it's still a very long, tenuous trip.

Best wishes,
SD

I told you before how good your doing. Keep it up.

I agree with SD and don't let your wife know that you post here. Not right now anyway.

Slow but steady wins the race right?